Dr. Marisa G. Franco is back on Dear Nina! This time we spoke about her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and how our sense of self-worth affects the friendships we build, keep, and sometimes struggle to trust.

Marisa’s first book, Platonic, focused on how we create and maintain strong friendships. Worth goes a step further inward: What happens when the way we see ourselves makes it harder to believe that other people genuinely like us, value us, or want to be close to us?

One of my favorite ideas from our conversation is Marisa’s argument that the goal isn’t to become perfectly secure. It’s to become secure-ish—aware of the anxious, avoidant, insecure parts of ourselves without pretending they’ve disappeared.

We discussed:

• How old friendship hurts can become “open memories” that continue to shape new relationships
• Why one painful rejection can make us expect rejection long after the original friendship is over
• How low self-worth can sometimes look like not initiating, pulling away, rejecting compliments, or needing constant reassurance
• When reassurance starts becoming exhausting for the friend who is constantly being asked to prove the friendship
• Why our assumptions about what friends think of us may say more about our own fears than about what’s actually happening

Marisa shares the story of Esme, who carried one devastating friendship moment from middle school into adulthood and became afraid to initiate with people she genuinely wanted to know. We expand on Esme's story to talk about reciprocity, rejection, memory, and the possibility of changing the meaning we’ve attached to experiences from years ago.

I also share one of my own “open memories” from college and what came up for me while working through one of Marisa’s exercises in the book.

And we get into something I talk about often on this show: sometimes a friend’s lack of initiation really does mean something—and sometimes it doesn’t. Self-worth, fear of rejection, disorganization, and all kinds of other factors can sit underneath behavior we’re very quick to take personally.

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Dr. Marisa G. Franco's previous episode on Dear Nina: "Telling Friends They've Let You Down"
• Buy Worth & Platonic
• Find Marisa on Instagram @drmarisagfranco

 

MEET DR. MARISA G FRANCO

An enlightening psychologist, international speaker, and New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Marisa G. Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and authored the New York Times bestseller Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends and Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment.

She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities. For tips on friendship, you can follow her on Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), or go to her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, where you can take a quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend & reach out for speaking engagements.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Why human connection requires friction, empathy, and accountability.

I have real concerns about AI, and one of my biggest is what happens when we start treating it like a person—especially a friend.

My guest, Sarah Baldeo, is a neuroscientist and the author of 100 Ways to Future Proof Your Brain in the Age of AI. She has spent more than 20 years working at the intersection of neuroscience and artificial intelligence, so I wanted to bring some of my biggest worries about AI and human connection directly to her and I appreciated her treating my concerns with seriousness and respect. My biggest takeaway remains the same: we need to be very careful not to confuse something that can imitate human connection with the real thing.

We discussed:

• What happens when we ask AI what to say to a grieving friend instead of working through our own empathy
• Why AI can feel like the “perfect friend”—always available, agreeable, and unlikely to make us uncomfortable 
• Why real friendship requires disagreement, reciprocity, boredom, and sometimes friction
• The risks of outsourcing too much of our emotional and cognitive processing
• Why I’m especially concerned about teenagers growing up with generative AI
• How Sarah believes AI can actually be used to challenge our thinking rather than replace it
• My deep concern that we need to be very careful about confusing something that can imitate human connection with the real thing! 

 

MEET SARAH BALDEO:

Sarah Baldeo, PhD (c), Executive MBA, is a bestselling author, neuroscientist, AI futurist, TED speaker, and CEO of ID Quotient Advisory, whose work explores how artificial intelligence is reshaping human cognition, executive judgment, and leadership decision making and what that means for how we connect, trust, and relate to one another; she is also the world’s foremost doctoral researcher on AI and cognition. She is the author of 100 Ways to Future-Proof Your Brain in the Age of AI, and has been featured on CBC News, CTV, NBC, SiriusXM, and Yahoo Finance. A global keynote speaker with more than 1,300 appearances across North America and Europe, Sarah advises organizations on the future of human intelligence in the age of AI. Connect with her on Instagram and LinkedIn.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’ve spoken before on Dear Nina about neurodiversity and friendship with several fantastic guests, but I wanted to have a conversation that could speak both to parents raising neurodivergent kids and to neurodivergent adults navigating friendship themselves.

Caroline Maguire is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD, coaching, and relationship development. She’s the author of Why Will No One Play With Me? and most recently, Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults.

We talked about encouraging friendship without forcing it, finding environments where connection comes more naturally, handling rejection, understanding the difference between an acquaintance and a friend, and taking those sometimes-awkward next steps that help a friendship grow.

What I especially loved about Caroline’s approach is that friendship skills aren’t about becoming someone else. They’re about understanding yourself, building confidence, and finding the people who appreciate you as you are.

 

LINKS & RESOURCES:

• Caroline's book: Why Will No One Play With Me? and Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults.
• Caroline on Instagram @authorcarolinem
• Episode #110. Neurodiversity and Friendships: Dr. James Richardson
• Episode #187: How ADHD Affects Adult Friendships--For People With ADHD and Their Friends: Cate Osborn and Erik Gude

 

MEET CAROLINE MAGUIRE:

Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC is an internationally recognized expert in social-emotional learning, ADHD coaching, and relationship development. She is the author of the award-winning book, Why Will No One Play with Me? and FRIENDSHIP SKILLS FOR NEURODIVERGENT ADULTS (Balance Books), and hosts The ADHD Social Playbook podcast. An educator, coach, and sought-after speaker, Caroline developed a comprehensive Social Emotional Learning (SEL) training methodology that equips parents, clinicians, and educators with practical tools to build self-awareness, emotional regulation, social understanding, and meaningful relationships. As a neurodivergent person with ADHD, dyslexia, and learning disabilities, she brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Harlan Cohen on friendship, social courage, and finding places where you belong.

Finding friendship—at any stage of life—requires the risk of hearing “no.” And that “no” rarely comes directly.

That’s one of the ideas I dig into with Harlan Cohen, a New York Times bestselling author and founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. So much of what Harlan teaches incoming college students and their parents applies just as much in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. This episode was so popular last year that I was waiting for the right time to play it again. The week I'm dropping off child #2 at college is the right time for sure!

If you’re starting over socially, hoping to expand your circle, or just tired of feeling bruised by the ups and downs of friendship, this one’s for you.

We get into:

• Why taking risks and hearing “no” are simply part of friendship at every age
• The difference between an expectation and a requirement in friendship
• What to do if you’re always the one initiating plans—a popular topic on Dear Nina, and Harlan’s answer was fantastic
• Harlan’s framework of "people, places, and patience"—and why we all need places where we’re accepted simply for showing up as ourselves, with no barrier to entry
• The story of Harlan’s first college roommate and the twist he didn’t learn until 30 years later

LINKS & RESOURCES:

• Harlan’s College Success Coaching Program Best First Year
• Harlan's episode with his freshman year roommate
• You will love Harlan on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube!

 

MEET HARLAN COHEN:

Harlan is the New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College and six other titles (over 1 million copies in print). His social media accounts have over 1.5 million followers and he hosts the popular podcast, The Harlan Cohen Podcast. He is the founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. Harlan lives in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and three children.

 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Friend groups, exclusion, conflict, and the patterns we don’t always outgrow

Some friendship habits start much earlier than we realize. The way we react to being left out, how much security we get from being part of a group, whether we avoid conflict, and even how willing we are to be vulnerable with friends can all have roots in our teen years.

My guest Sheri Gazitt has spent more than 30 years working with teen girls and their parents. She’s the founder of Teen Wise and the author of Girl Drama Decoded: Empower Your Daughter Through The Ups & Downs of Girl Drama & Friendships. What struck me throughout our conversation is how easily the friendship issues she sees with teenagers translate to adult friendship.

We spoke about the difference between being deliberately excluded and simply not being invited, why being part of a friend group isn’t always the same thing as having close friendships, and what Sheri calls creating “parallel friendships” instead of putting all of our social energy into one group.

We also got very practical about conflict. Sheri shared a four-step approach to having a difficult conversation with a friend, including one step I especially appreciated: considering whether there’s any part of the situation you need to own yourself.

And we talk about what can happen after friendship disappointments pile up. Sometimes the way we protect ourselves is by keeping future friendships at a safe, superficial distance without even realizing we’re doing it.

This episode is useful whether you’re watching your own teenager navigate friendship or recognizing some very familiar patterns in your adult life. The good news is that these are skills—and we can keep getting better at them.

MEET SHERI GAZITT

Sheri Gazitt is an international friendship expert, speaker, and founder of Teen Wise. With over 30 years of experience and a background in counseling psychology, she’s helped thousands of girls navigate friendship struggles, social anxiety, and the emotional ups and downs of growing up. She’s the author of Girl Drama Decoded and supports moms through her Mom Wise Collective while also working directly with teen girls through private coaching. Coach Sheri is known for making complex social dynamics feel understandable and giving families practical ways to build confidence, connection, and healthier friendships. Find Sheri on Instagram @BeTeenWise and on Facebook.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Alcohol is so woven into social life that choosing not to drink can change how you spend time with friends, which invitations come your way, and what you begin to notice about the way you connect.

My guest, Suzanne Warye is the author of The Sober Shift: An Empowering Exploration of Sobriety, Parenting, and the Joys of Alcohol-Free Living and the host of the popular podcast The Sober Mom Life. Suzanne's decision to stop drinking was not a “rock bottom” story. She could drink moderately, but she hated how much mental energy alcohol took up in her life as well as the after effects. Once Suzanne stopped drinking, she had to figure out what friendship and socializing looked like without it.

In the episode Suzanne and I spoke honestly about the friendships that remained strong, the friendships that faded, and the hurt of being left off an invitation because someone assumes a sober friend would not want to come.

We also discussed learning to sit through the first awkward minutes of a gathering without numbing your anxiety and why Suzanne’s standards for connection changed once alcohol was no longer the main event. We briefly chatted about THC drinks and gummies, phone use as another form of escape, and motherhood and “mommy wine culture.” And we talked about what happens when you start wanting your time with friends to feel more present and less "numb."

 

Past episodes related to this one:

#17. Friendship and Sobriety: Jen Veralle

#130: The Sober Curious Lifestyle and Your Friendships: Hallie Sawyer

 

Meet Suzanne:

Suzanne Warye is a sobriety influencer and the host of the popular podcast The Sober Mom Life. Residing on the North Shore of Chicago with her husband and three kids, Suzanne spends most of her time reheating her coffee and rocking her “whole heart, half ass” parenting philosophy. Her new book THE SOBER SHIFT:  A Modern-Day Guide to Living an Abundant Sober Life is currently available in hardcover, audio and e-book and the paperback will be available on Sept 29, 2026. To connect follow her on Instagram @suzannewarye or visit www.thesobermomlife.com 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m fresh off the "Dear Nina Live" event in Minneapolis to celebrate five years of the podcast. And after such a big week, I was ready to step away from my computer for a bit. So I said yes to mahjong (twice!), tennis, a walk, and time with friends. It was exactly the reset I was looking for, even though I'm WAY BEHIND on work now.

This short episode is a reminder to get out from behind the texts, emails, memes, and endless to-do list and spend some time with your friends in person. Say yes when you can, or make the plan yourself, and remember that even a walk or a cup of coffee counts. It can be that simple--short and sweet. 

And to everyone who came to the event in Minnesota--THANK YOU! 

LINKS MENTIONED:

• Here's a 30-second reel of the live event in Minneapolis to celebrate 5 years of the podcast.
• My spot on Twin Cities Live!

 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

To mark five years of making this podcast, I invited the person who has heard every episode, encouraged every new idea, and occasionally reminded me to follow my own friendship advice. Welcome to my husband, Bryan!

Bryan hasn't been on Dear Nina since the first year! I brought him back to talk about what has surprised him after five years of listening to conversations about every aspect of friendship. He shared the theme he's been noticing beneath the friendship dilemmas: two people do not want the same type of friendship.

We also talk about one of the messages Bryan has heard me repeat the most: If you want to see a friend, reach out. Don’t sit back, keep score, or “match their energy.” That doesn’t mean giving everyone the same amount of time or continuing to chase people who never respond. Bryan puts it another way: Go where the heat is. Pay attention to the people who are glad to hear from you and who return your efforts in their own way.

We discuss:

• Why uneven desire is behind so many friendship questions that come my way
• Why Bryan believes “don’t wait” is some of the most useful advice from the show
• What to do instead of "matching someone else’s energy"
• Why electronic contact cannot fully replace phone calls and time together
• A past episode that changed how Bryan thinks about what we give to a friendship
• The friendship struggles I still have to work on myself!
• Why couple friendships work best when both partners help keep them going
• How Dear Nina grew from an advice column and listener letters into conversations with authors, researchers, therapists, and other friendship thinkers

A special thank-you to my brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, who helped me produce and edit the earliest Dear Nina episodes and convinced me I could learn how to make a podcast. And thank you to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, who has become an essential part of nearly every podcast decision, guest conversation, and episode idea.

Listeners: Thank you for rooting for this show, sharing episodes with friends, sending your questions, and talking with me about friendship for so many years. This podcast would not be here without you!

Links mentioned:

• Episode #24: Maintaining Boundaries Without Damaging Your Friendships (with Bryan)
• Episode #37: The Benefits of Couple Friends (with Bryan)
• Episode #9. Friends Will Hang Out Without You: (with Taryn Kessel)
• Episode #73. I’m Just Not That Into This Friendship: (with Ruchi Koval)
• Episode #139: How to Start a Podcast

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Admissions counselor, Alexis White, on why 'fit over flex' should guide the college search

The college search puts a lot of pressure on families to find the “best” school. But the highest-ranked school (the hyper-focus for many) is not necessarily the place where a particular student will be happiest, most successful, or most likely to find their people.

My guest this week is Alexis White, an internationally recognized college admissions counselor, founder of A-List Tutoring Services and alexiscollegexpert.com, and host of the podcast Admit It with Alexis White. I love following Alexis online because she is candid, practical, and willing to say what many families need to hear: Choosing a college should be about “fit over flex.”

Alexis walks me through the five factors she considers when helping a student build a college list: size, location, academic offerings, philosophy, and vibe. We talk about why those factors matter not only academically, but also for making friends, building community, and feeling at home.

We also get into Greek life, competitive clubs, audition-based activities, and the reality that getting into a college does not guarantee getting into every community within it. What happens when a student expects to join a sorority, fraternity, business club, theater group, or sports team, but it does not work out? Alexis explains why students need more than one possible path to friendship and belonging.

Alexis also offers an important reminder for parents: Grades and scores are only part of the picture. A student’s resilience, independence, willingness to try new things, and ability to handle discomfort may tell us just as much about where they will thrive. And because social media makes everyone else’s freshman year look effortless, we talk honestly about how awkward and difficult that first year can be, even at the “right” school.

This episode will help families look beyond acceptance rates, rankings and prestige during the college search process!

 

LINKS:

• Find Alexis on Instagram @collegexpert and TikTok @collegexpert!
• Previous episodes of Alexis's podcast I especially liked: "College Rankings Don't Matter," "Brainwashed Into Choosing Your College"
• Previous college admissions episode on Dear Nina: Episode #112, "Navigating Friendships During the College Admissions Process" with Kate Proger, #177: The Myth of Instant College Friends with Dr. Janice McCabe
• Harlan Cohen on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! Episde #143: "The Law of Rejection in Friendships",
• I brought up Gretchen Rubin several times in the episode, one of my favorite authors, podcasters, and thought leaders. Gretchen was my guest on episode #96.

 

Meet Alexis White:

Alexis White is a Los Angeles–based college admissions consultant and the founder of A-List Admissions and Tutoring and Alexiscollegexpert.com. Alexis has spent more than two decades guiding students and families through college selection, applications, essays, testing, and the many decisions that come with the admissions process. She has appeared as a college admissions expert on CBS, ABC News and elsewhere. Alexis is also the host of the podcast Admit It! with Alexis White and she gives admissions advice on social media to many thousands of followers on Instagram @collegexpert and TikTok @collegexpert.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Group dynamics, feeling left out, and not waiting around for invitations

We have all felt that sting of not being invited. You see the pictures, hear about the dinner, find out there's a group chat, there was a weekend away—and you were not included. It can hurt, even when we know intellectually that every gathering cannot include every person. And even though we do not personally want 15 people at every thing we do.

This episode is a replay of a conversation I had with friendship educator Danielle Bayard Jackson, author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships and host of the Friend Forward podcast. Danielle has such a clear, honest way of talking about the harder parts of female friendship, and this topic needed her voice.

Danielle and I spoke about why not being invited can feel so personal, why it sometimes has nothing to do with us, and why some gatherings are built around a specific purpose, convenience, shared history, or a smaller dynamic.

We also get into the harder question: are there times when our own patterns make people less likely to include us? Maybe we often say no, cancel, talk about how busy we are, dominate the conversation, make people feel judged, stay glued to our phones, bring too much conflict into group settings, or make planning harder than it needs to be. This is not about blaming people for being left out. It's about giving ourselves choices beyond spiraling, assuming the worst, or waiting around to be chosen.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why being left out hurts at every age
• Why not every plan is meant to include every friend
• Friendship patterns that may be worth examining
• How to stop spiraling and start making plans yourself so you're not waiting for invitations
• My visit to Danielle's podcast, Friend Forward, "Picking Your People: Choosing the Right Friends to Prioritize and Pursue" Apple, Spotify 

I'm SO grateful to Danielle for tackling this topic with me. It's a hard one—and she was exactly the right guest for it.

Meet Danielle Bayard Jackson

Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship educator, speaker, and author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships. She is the host of the Friend Forward podcast, the founder of Tell Public Relations, and the director of the Women’s Relational Health Institute, where she conducts research and creates training to support stronger female relationships. Find links for working with Danielle and all of her social media links at betterfemalefriendships.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

How age, loss, and experience can change the way we see friendships from the past

This week I’m joined by one of my very best friends, Rebecca Kotok, a public school counselor in Maryland and one of the most popular guests in the history of Dear Nina.

Rebecca was first on the show in episode 34, where we talked about our friendship breakup in our 20s and our reconciliation. This time, we’re talking about a different kind of friendship shift: the way approaching 50, loss, and life experiences can soften how we think about friendships that faded, old hurts, and the stories we’ve been carrying for years.

This episode is not about ignoring bad behavior or letting every person back into your life. But Rebecca and I talk about the peace that can come from no longer needing to prosecute every old friendship case in your mind over and over again until the end of time.

 

We talked about:

• Why friendship breakups and faded friendships can carry so much shame

• How midlife can change the way we understand old friendship disappointments

• Why some friendships fade without anyone being "the villain"

• The difference between being right and being at peace

• How grief and life experience can make us more generous toward other people

• Why you don’t have to reconnect with someone to think about them more positively

• How gratitude, reflection, and therapy can help if a softer, more positive mindset does not come naturally

One of my favorite ideas from Rebecca was that she now attributes perceived slights much less to someone’s character and much more to what that person may have been carrying. That feels like a wiser and "softer" way to move through the world.

 

Previous episodes mentioned:

• Episode #34: The breakup and reconciliation (with Rebecca Kotok) 
• Episode #125: The 10% Rule in Friendship and the Negativity Bias (with Ann Imig)

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

My friend, Jill Smokler, touched so many lives. If you loved Jill, I hope hearing her voice is a comfort. If you didn’t know her, I hope this episode gives you a glimpse of why countless longtime followers, fans, and friends felt deeply connected to her candor and warmth.

This bonus episode of Dear Nina is a replay of a conversation Jill asked me to record with her in the summer of 2024, soon after she was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive form of brain cancer. Jill died on June 22, 2026, and I’m sharing this conversation again around what would have been her 49th birthday.

Jill was a certain kind of famous—not movie-star famous, but very known in a way that mattered. Her work and her support of so many writers and readers helped women feel less alone starting with her groundbreaking blog, Scary Mommy. She continued in that supportive role after she sold Scary Mommy and publicly figured out her next move, which included her podcast and online magazine, She's Got Issues, which gave an honest voice to midlife.

I knew Jill first from Washington University in St. Louis, where we met as freshmen, but our friendship and professional relationship grew much more in adulthood. We collaborated in our work over the years, and I credit Jill with helping me understand what writing on the internet could be.

Jill was proud of this conversation we had two years ago. You will hear her humor, her honesty, and her way of making room for the awful and the absurd at the same time. Jill spoke frankly about her diagnosis and what it felt like to receive an outpouring of love from people who knew her in every era of her life: childhood, college, parenting, work, and of course from her massive online community.

We also discussed what friendship looks like in a crisis: what helped, what didn’t, and what she wished people understood. Jill was especially clear about the value of brief, consistent check-ins with no expectation of a reply and the practical relief of meals and DoorDash gift cards.

Jill also reflected on her children, her best friend, the friendships she built over a lifetime, and the future she felt robbed of getting to enjoy. It's a heartbreaking, funny, blunt, generous, and "pure Jill" episode.

Thank you for listening, and for helping me honor Jill.

Links mentioned:

• Jill's official obituary where you can leave comments for her family to read.
• The June 23rd, 2026 NYT piece about Jill (gift link)
• The today.com piece I mentioned in 2024 about Jill's diagnosis and the rise of Scary Mommy
• Jill's books: Confessions of a Scary Mommy, Motherhood Comes Naturally and Other Lies, and Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the Holidays
• My visits on She's Got Issues mentioned in this episode: "Friendship-- Mistakes & Hard Lessons Learned" and "Friendship Breakups: Accepting When a Friendship is Over"
• Jill's previous visit to Dear Nina: "Old School Blogging Friendships"
• Kate Bowler's book, No Cure For Being Human (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)

 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

How small talk, "loose ties," and everyday conversations help us feel more connected

For episode #200 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m joined by Dr. Gillian Sandstrom, an associate professor in the Psychology of Kindness at the University of Sussex and author of Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How Small Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life.

I came into this conversation a little wary. Do I really want to talk to more strangers? On airplanes? At Trader Joe’s? When I’m trying to get through my errands and keep moving? But Gillian’s research—and her very practical way of talking about it—made a strong case for why these small, low-stakes interactions matter.

This episode is not about forcing every stranger into a future friendship. It’s about remembering that every friend was once a stranger, and that talking to people we don’t know gives us practice with the exact skills good friendships require: handling uncertainty, risking rejection, asking better questions, listening, ending conversations kindly, and staying open to other people.

Gillian also explains why small talk is not as pointless as it can seem, why people usually like us more than we think they do, and why even brief moments of connection can change the way we move through the world.

WE TALKED ABOUT:

• Why talking to strangers is connected to making and keeping friends

• The “liking gap” and why we often underestimate how much people enjoyed talking to us

• How strangers can be lower-stakes practice for friendship skills

• Why small talk can feel awkward, boring, or inefficient—and why it still matters

• Gillian’s “QUICK” method for starting conversations: questions, in common, and kindness

• How to politely end a conversation without pretending you need to take a call

• The difference between strangers, acquaintances, weak ties, loose ties, and “fringe-ships”

• Why we sometimes disclose more easily to strangers than to close friends

• The awkwardness of reaching out to an old friend who now feels like a stranger

• Why talking to strangers can make the world feel safer, warmer, and more human

 

One idea from Gillian I especially loved: not every interaction has to be transformative to be worthwhile. Like movies, not every conversation will be "amazing." Some will be forgettable and will be average, but over time, these small moments add up to something meaningful. In a world that often feels increasingly impersonal and distracted, I found that idea pretty convincing.

 

Meet Dr. Gillian Sandstrom: 

Gillian Sandstrom is an associate professor in the psychology of kindness at the University of Sussex and author of Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How 'Small' Talk Can Add Up To a Big Life. Her research has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic, and has been covered by other outlets around the world. She has been interviewed for major podcasts and radio shows, including Hidden Brain, NPR's Life Kit, and Claudia Hammond's All in the Mind. She lives in Brighton, England. Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

How to make girls trips, weekend getaways, and friendship travel actually happen

This week, I’m joined by one of my favorite people to talk to about friendship on and off the microphone: my assistant producer and friend, Rebekah Jacobs!

We're discussing something she does far more often than I do—traveling with friends. Rebekah is a frequent girls-trip traveler. She’s the friend who is always hopping on a plane, meeting friends for a weekend away, or squeezing in a 24-hour getaway. Meanwhile, I realized while preparing for this episode that I’ve traveled with friends far less often than most people might assume, especially for someone who talks about friendship for a living. 

Together, we unpack why friendship travel can feel so difficult to pull off, especially during busy seasons of life. We talk about kids, schedules, money, logistics, guilt, and the challenge of finding a date that works for everyone. But we also talk about why it’s worth the effort.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why you don’t need a big friend group to take a friendship trip (one-on-one is great too!)
• How to finally move a trip from “We should do that sometime” to an actual date on the calendar
• Rebekah’s advice about being the “bendy friend” when schedules get complicated
• What happens when different people want different things from the same trip
• How to navigate money conversations without resentment
• Why self-advocacy is an underrated travel skill
• The importance of putting your phone away and being present
• How trips help deepen friendships in ways everyday life often can’t

One takeaway I especially loved

Rebekah said something during our conversation that I haven’t stopped thinking about: the worth-it bar is lower than you think.

In other words, stop waiting for the perfect destination, the perfect budget, the perfect schedule, or the perfect group. If you can make one night work, do it. If all you can manage is 24 hours, take the 24 hours. 

Links Mentioned

• Tickets to Dear Nina LIVE in Excelsior, Minnesota on July 29
• The White Lotus episode: Lessons from the White Lotus Friendship Trio
• The 2025 live show: From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend Group Challenges from Teens to Midlife and Beyond
• The Beaches episode! What “Beaches” Gets Right About Friendship: Professors Paul Eastwick & Eli Finkel (of The Love Factually Podcast)
• Article on Jane Pratt's Substack: "Girls Trips Always Make Me Feel Left Out, Disappointed and Depressed"

As always, thank you for listening. And if this episode inspires you to finally book that trip you've been talking about for years, I'd love to hear about it. Safe travels!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Two entrepreneurs on friendship, support, and staying open to new connections.

When we talk on Dear Nina about making friends as adults, I often focus on hobbies, neighborhoods, volunteer opportunities, or the activities we do outside of work. But work is one of the most common ways adults meet new people, and it's something I probably don't talk about enough.

This week, I'm joined by Mara Smith, founder of Inspiro Tequila, and Kim Oster-Holstein, co-founder of Twisted Alchemy. Both women launched successful beverage companies as second (or third!) careers, and both found themselves navigating the challenges of entrepreneurship at the same time.

What I love about their story is that they easily could have stayed acquaintances. Instead, they built a genuine friendship based on shared values, mutual support, and a belief that collaboration creates more opportunities than competition.

In our conversation, we discuss how they met through industry events, why entrepreneurship can be surprisingly lonely, and how staying open to new friendships at all points in life can enrich both your professional and personal worlds. Whether you're a founder, work in a traditional office, or are simply looking for new ways to connect with people, this episode is a reminder that meaningful friendships can begin in unexpected places.

 

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• Kim's company, Twisted Alchemy
• Mara's Company, Inspiro Tequila
• Another helpful episode on making friends through work, but with another angle is #191 with guest, Lindsay Pinchuk, "The Case For Work Friends and Where to Find Them"
• Tickets for Dear Nina Live in Minneapolis on July 29th!

MEET KIM & MARA:

Kim Oster-Holstein is a respected leader in the food and beverage industry with over 29 years of experience driving innovation and growth. As Co-Founder and President of Twisted Alchemy, she has transformed the hospitality and home mixology markets with award-winning, 100% Whole30 Approved, cold-pressed juices distributed nationwide. Under her leadership, the company partners with prestigious brands such as Ritz-Carlton, Disney, Marriott, and Nobu, serving more than 10,000 hospitality accounts and major grocery retailers such as Whole Foods, Sprouts Farmers Markets and Albertsons. Previously, she founded and led Kim & Scott’s Gourmet Pretzels to multimillion-dollar success before its acquisition by J&J Snack Foods Corp. in 2012. A TEDx speaker, award-winning entrepreneur, and Northwestern University alumna, Kim is widely recognized for her visionary leadership, industry influence, and commitment to developing future leaders.

Mara Smith, the founder of Inspiro Tequila, is a former attorney, corporate strategist and stay-at-home mom. Mara practiced law at a large Chicago law firm before joining the corporate strategy team at a Fortune 500 Company. After her twins were born prematurely, Mara made the difficult decision to leave her corporate career to stay home. She never stopped thinking about what was next. Mara always envisioned running her own company and in 2020 she set out on her journey to create a new tequila brand. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Why Reassurance-Seeking, Overthinking, and Fear of Rejection Can Strain Even Good Friendships

Most of us have moments when we wonder where we stand with a friend. That's part of caring about people. But for some, those worries become a constant rumination in the background of their friendships. You might find yourself replaying conversations, looking for signs that something is wrong, or repeatedly seeking reassurance that the friendship is still okay. That's where a discussion about anxious attachment can be helpful.

Attachment styles have become a popular topic online, but social media often reduces a complex subject to quick labels and catchy phrases. In this episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, we're taking a deeper look at what anxious attachment actually looks like in friendships. When is concern about a friendship justified? When is anxiety filling in the blanks? And how can you tell the difference?

I'm joined by psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher Rebecca Stambridge, known online as The Friendship Therapist, to discuss anxious attachment style in friendships. While attachment styles are often discussed in romantic relationships, Rebecca explains why they show up in our platonic connections.

We explore what anxious attachment style looks like in real life, why some friendships feel especially triggering, and how learning self-compassion can help you stop looking to friends to soothe every uncomfortable feeling.

 

WE DISCUSSED:

• The difference between normal friendship insecurity and anxious attachment
• Why some people constantly worry that a friend is upset with them even when there's little evidence
• How overthinking and seeking reassurance can strain friendships
• The connection between childhood experiences and adult friendship patterns
• The difference between healthy friendship expectations and looking to a friend to soothe anxiety
• How secure friends can sometimes trigger anxious attachment in others
• Practical mindfulness and self-compassion tools for managing friendship anxiety
• How to tell the difference between your anxiety talking and a friendship that genuinely isn't working
• Why healing anxious attachment doesn't mean never feeling insecure again

 

MEET REBECCA STAMBRIDGE:

Rebecca Stambridge, known as The Friendship Therapist, is a psychotherapist and mindfulness teacher who helps people overcome low self-worth and anxious attachment so they can feel secure and at ease in their platonic relationships. Find Rebecca on Instagram: @the.friendshiptherapist.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

In this episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m talking about the social complications of having a second home. Whether it’s a lakeside cabin, a Florida condo, or simply living somewhere everyone wants to visit, these situations bring up all kinds of friendship questions around hosting, invitations, reciprocity, FOMO, boundaries, and expectations.

My guest is the incredible Stephanie Hansen: cookbook author, novelist, broadcaster, podcaster, and expert on Minnesota cabin culture. Stephanie loves her family cabin in Ely, Minnesota, and she joined me for a candid conversation about what happens when your “happy place” also becomes a source of complicated social dynamics. This episode is funny, honest, surprisingly emotional at times, and full of the kinds of nuanced friendship situations that don’t have perfect answers.

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 1 and True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 2.
• Check out Stephanie's new novel, The Moon Tavern: A Culinary Love Story (With Recipes), co-written with her husband, Kurt Johnson.
• Stephanie's website and Substack newsletter full of fantastic recipes and stories
• Stephanie on Instagram @stephaniesdish

MEET STEPHANIE HANSEN

Stephanie Hansen is the co-host of the “The Weekly Dish” radio show and podcast on Hubbard Broadcastings MyTalk107.1 radio with Minneapolis St Paul Magazines food editor, Stephanie March. The show is going on its 18th year and is also a podcast. In 2023 and 2025 Stephanie won a regional Emmy award for hosting the TV show, "Taste Buds With Stephanie" that airs Saturday mornings at 8:30 am on Fox 9 and is currently in syndication at 89 TV stations throughout the United States. Season 4 starts in Fall of 2026. You can also catch Stephanie cooking and sharing recipes weekly on The Jason Show on KMSP Fox 9 in the Twin Cities. Stephanie also has a podcast called, “Dishing with Stephanie’s Dish” where she talks with other food writers, cookbook authors, and fans of food that she releases on her Substack newsletter with recipes each week from her blog StephaniesDish.com

Stephanie loves to travel and has sailed throughout the Caribbean, Italy and Croatia. She loves her “Van Life” in her Winnebago Paseo and is a part-time resident of Ely on Burntside Lake in the Summer where she wrote and photographed the True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 1 and True North Cabin Cookbook Vol 2.

And check out Stephanie's new novel, The Moon Tavern: A Culinary Love Story (With Recipes), co-written with her husband, Kurt Johnson. Find her on Instagram @stephaniesdishon Instagram @stephaniesdish

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

I’m sharing a bonus episode from my appearance on The Visibility Standard with Jazzmyn Proctor. We talked about modern friendship and all the strange new tensions that come with living so much of our lives online.

From expecting friends to endlessly support our businesses on social media (and the resentment when they watch but don't 'like'), to replacing real connection with memes and endless scrolling, this conversation digs into the gray areas of adult friendship right now. We also talked about reciprocity, forgiveness, making actual plans with friends, and why maintaining friendships requires more intentionality than ever. Jazzmyn brought such thoughtful questions to this discussion, brought such thoughtful questions to this discussion, and I was excited to answer for a change.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why your friends are not automatically your audience, followers, or marketing team
• The difference between online reciprocity and real-life friendship reciprocity
• How social media can quietly distort friendship expectations
• Why sending memes is not the same as maintaining a friendship
• The importance of scheduling time with friends—even when it feels inconvenient
• How forgiveness and assuming the best help friendships last longer
• Building friendships through online spaces without confusing them for instant intimacy
• Concerns about AI, ChatGPT, and what happens when people stop practicing real human connection

Links mentioned:

• Learn more about Jazzmyn
• Jazzmyn on TikTok and Instagram (both @jazzmynproctor)
• Jazzmyn's episode on Dear Nina was one of my top of 2025: "Episode #151: "Myths Around Adult Friendships"
• Harlan Cohen on Dear Nina: Episode #143: "The Law of Rejection in Friendships"
• Dear Nina episode #139: "How to Start a Podcast"

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

Money can shape adult friendships in ways we don’t always talk about openly. Who pays for dinner? Who can afford the group trip? Do you need to attend the wedding AND the bachelorette party and wedding shower? What happens when your kids start noticing how other families spend money? And how do you handle it when your own financial situation changes before your friendships catch up?

This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I’m joined by Heather Boneparth, financial professional, former lawyer, and co-author of Money Together. Heather works with individuals, couples, and families around the emotional side of money—and she has strong opinions in the best possible way.

We get into the layered and emotional realities of friendship and finances, including:

• Splitting checks when one person clearly ordered more
• Traveling with friends who have very different budgets and expectations
• Expensive weddings, bachelorette parties, and how to say “I can’t do this” without shame
• Parenting differences around spending, takeout, Starbucks, and what kids notice
• What happens when your own financial situation changes and your friendships shift too
• Why empathy matters more than assumptions when it comes to money

One thing I appreciated about Heather is that she doesn’t reduce every issue to “just communicate better.” She acknowledges that these conversations are uncomfortable, emotional, and tied to much bigger beliefs about money, fairness, identity, and belonging.

And throughout the episode, we come back to one important reminder: you almost never know the full financial story of another person’s life.

 

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• Episode #108 was the previous episode on the topic of money and friendship with Mia Brabham Nolan 
• Heather's newsletter with her husband, Douglas: The Joint Account 
• Heather and Douglas on social media: @averagejoelle and @dougboneparth
• And their book, Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team

 

MEET HEATHER BONEPARTH

Heather Boneparth is the director of business and legal affairs for Bone Fide Wealth in New York City. A former corporate lawyer, she's now a rising voice at the intersection of money, relationships, and parenting. She is the co-author of Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team, which she co-wrote with her husband. The couple helps 15,000 subscribers talk about money each week through their newsletter, The Joint Account. You can find her perpetually online: @averagejoelle. 

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!

This episode is a little different—and very fun—because it’s packed with specific, creative ways to spend time with friends that go beyond the usual walk, coffee, or dinner at a restaurant.

I’m joined by Ashlee Gadd and Katie Blackburn of the Coffee + Crumbs community and authors of the new book, You're In Good Company: The Gift of Friendship, Motherhood, and Showing Up. Ashlee and Katie came ready with ideas you can steal: low-pressure, fun ways to gather with friends. These are not big, complicated events. But they ARE creative!

What I love about this conversation is that it’s both practical and honest. Yes, you’ll walk away with ideas you can use, but we also get into what makes these gatherings work in the first place—shared effort, showing up, and being thoughtful about the kind of connection you’re trying to create.

We also get into a harder element of getting together with friends, which is knowing there might be people who feel left out. This is an issue at every age! We discuss balancing "everyone is invited" with wanting smaller, more intimate hangouts where you can actually talk and be vulnerable. There's and time and place for both kinds of plans in our lives.

 

We dicussed:

• Why specific plans (not vague ones) make friendship hangouts more consistent
• Simple, low-key gathering ideas you can copy right away (you will have to listen to the episode to get them!)
• Sharing the responsibility of planning so it doesn’t fall on one person
• The difference between quick “micro” check-ins and deeper time together
• How to think about group size, intimacy, and inclusivity without overthinking it

 

LINKS MENTIONED: 

• Ashlee and Katie's book, You're In Good Company: The Gift of Friendship, Motherhood, and Showing Up
• Coffee + Crumbs on Substack
• Episode 192: Why Plans With Friends Don't Happen and How to Fix It
• "Good Intentions Won't Sustain a Friendship"
• Episode 180: Mean Mom Culture and Relational Aggression with Dr. Noelle Santorelli
• Episode 181: Exclusion and the Power to Build New Friendships with Amy Weatherly

 

Meet Ashlee and Katie:

Ashlee Gadd is a mother, writer, photographer, and founder of Coffee + Crumbs. She is the editor and contributor of You’re In Good Company and the author of Create Anyway. She has spent the last ten years helping mothers harness their creative talents into powerful storytelling at Coffee + Crumbs—a beautiful online space where motherhood and art intersect. Find Ashlee on Instagram @ashleegadd.

Katie Blackburn is a writer, teacher, and a lifelong learner. She's also a single mother to six kids, making her life very loud and surely impossible without the amazing grace of God. Katie is the author of Gluing the Cracks: Reflections on Disability,Motherhood and Hope; The Very Best Baseball Game, and Grace Will Be There: Finding God in the Life We Aren't Ready For (Forthcoming, August 2026). Find Katie on Instagram @katiemblackburn.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

!! Catch up on all Dear Nina episodes on Apple and Spotify

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

🔎 Information on any upcoming "Dear Nina Live" events

🎈 Celebrate your friend on the show by dedicating a week of episodes!

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️  Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪  Ask an anonymous friendship question

📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!