#218 - Why We Should Be a Little More Social (Even When We Don't Feel Like It) - Nicholas Epley
How often do you pass up an opportunity to connect with someone because you're telling yourself you're not someone who needs it, you're worried about bothering them, or you simply don't feel like it? What if those small decisions are costing us more than we realize?
My guest is Nicholas Epley, psychologist, behavioral scientist, and professor at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. His new book, A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, explores why reaching out to others often makes us happier than we expect.
One of the most fascinating parts of our conversation challenges what we believe about introverts and extroverts. Nick shares research showing that acting a little more outgoing can make us feel happier and even more authentic (not less as you might assume), regardless of how we typically describe ourselves.
We also discuss why we underestimate how positively others will respond when we reach out, our fear of bothering people, and why hearing someone's voice can communicate warmth that a text message simply can't.
As Nick reminds us, we don't have to overhaul our personalities or fill every free moment with conversation. We can enjoy our alone time while noticing more of the easy opportunities to connect that we're already passing up.
LINKS MENTIONED:
- A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection by Nicholas Epley
- Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want by Nicholas Epley
- Related episode: #200, "Why Talking to Strangers is Good for Your Friendships" with Dr. Gillian Sandstrom
MEET NICHOLAS EPLEY:
Nicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science, and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a “professor to watch” by the Financial Times, one of the “World’s Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics in 2015 by Ethisphere He is the author of Mindwise: Why We Misunderstand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want and A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection.
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