#213 - Friendship "Flings," Uneven Effort, and Being Stuck in the Middle (Dr. Miriam Kirmayer)
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is back on Dear Nina, and this time we did something different: we each brought friendship questions the other person had not seen in advance.
No prep. No polished answers. Just two people who think about friendship constantly digging into the kinds of questions that rarely have a clean yes-or-no answer.
Dr. Miriam is a clinical psychologist and a well-known friendship researcher. She also now hosts the friendship podcast Two Peas on a Pod.
WE GET INTO:
- What to do when two friends are fighting and you’re stuck in the middle. Can you really stay neutral, and how do you avoid becoming the go-between?
- “Friendship flings.” Why do some friendships get intense very quickly and then cool off just as fast? And when is that simply normal versus part of a larger pattern?
- The eternal reciprocity problem. If you’re always the one reaching out, does that actually mean your friend cares less?
- When a friend is great one-on-one but treats you differently in a group. We talk about teasing, exclusion, mixed signals, and what Dr. Miriam calls an “ambivalent friendship.”
- Why making plans is more complicated than it sounds. Reaching out, comparing calendars, choosing the place, making the reservation—sometimes one person is carrying more of that invisible work than anyone realizes.
And finally, we turn the questions on ourselves: Does talking about friendship professionally make us self-conscious about our own friendships?
LINKS MENTIONED:
- Previous Dear Nina episode with Dr. Miriam: #109: "Quiet Quitting a Friendship"
- Two Peas on a Pod episodes about friendship breakups. Part one and Part two.
MEET DR. MIRIAM KIRMAYER:
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is a clinical psychologist, leading friendship expert, and one of the most influential speakers on human connection and social support. See more about Dr. Miriam's courses, keynotes, articles and more at www.miriamkirmayer.com. Listen to the podcast: Two Peas on a Pod. Find Dr. Miriam on Instagram on @miriamkirmayer.
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Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
