Inside a Real Father Daughter Bond

Do you have a daughter that you are trying hard to bond and connect with but are struggling? Today in this episode you’re going to get inside access into the relationship between a real father and daughter, what makes and keeps them close and how you can have the same relationship with your daughter.

My guests are Reena Friedman Watts with her dad and co-host of the Better Call Daddy podcast and show, Wayne Friedman.

To connect with Reena Friedman Watts or Wayne Friedman or listen to the Better Call Daddy Podcast, visit https://bettercalldaddy.com/

Special thanks to Zencastr for sponsoring The Fatherhood Challenge. Use my special link https://zen.ai/CWHIjopqUnnp9xKhbWqscGp-61ATMClwZ1R8J5rm824WHQIJesasjKDm-vGxYtYJ to save 30% off your first month of any Zencastr paid plan.

Transcription - Inside a Real Father Daughter Bond

---

Do you have a daughter that you're trying hard to bond or connect with but are struggling?

Today in this episode you're going to get an inside access look into the relationship

between a real father and daughter and what makes and keeps them close and how you can

have the same relationship with your daughter.

If you're ready to be inspired and ready to make some changes, help is on the way in

just a moment so don't go anywhere.

Welcome to the Father the Challenge, a movement to awaken and inspire fathers everywhere to

take great pride in their role and a challenge society to understand how important fathers

are to the stability and culture of their family's environment.

Now here's your host, Jonathan Guerrero.

Greetings everyone, thank you so much for joining me.

My guest is Rina Friedman Watts with her dad and co-host of the Better Call Daddy Podcast

and show Wayne Friedman.

Rina and Wayne, thank you so much for being on the Father her Challenge.

Thank you for having us.

We're excited to be here.

Wow, I love that radio voice.

Let's start out with my favorite question of all.

What is your favorite dad joke and this is to both of you.

When I think of dad joke, I think my dad loves to say, you know what your problem is?

You like me.

Oh, you fall this mustache.

Your father's mustache.

Yeah, at the end of every reaction that we do, my dad continues to surprise me with his

reactions, by the way.

Sometimes I don't know what he's going to think about the guests that I've interviewed.

He's always like, when I have a good reaction to his reaction, he's like, you know what your

problem is?

You like me?

I'm like, yeah, I do.

Then I put that in my intro even because we say it so much to each other.

It is a true story.

I've listened to a few episodes and that's exactly what happens.

He does.

Wayne definitely says that.

Well, Wayne, let's start with you.

It's obvious you and Rina have a bond.

You can't co-host a program or podcast with your daughter without that strong bond.

So where did that begin?

Well, I think I've tried very hard to have a bond with all three of my girls and you know,

you have to find what interests them and you have to be part of their show.

In the beginning, you would think that a father, whether he has sons or daughters, wants

your children to be part of your show or my show, but it turns out that trying to force

or trying to put your values onto theirs, they have to accept it on their own.

It's got to be their choice.

And if it isn't their choice, it's really not going to work because eventually when someone

is telling you what to do or telling you how to feel or instructing you of what you can

do and what you can't do, eventually a person is going to revolt and say, you know, I've

had enough of that spaghetti in meatballs.

I want to try something else.

And I think a parent has to try to set some guidelines, but you have to be able to give

your children an opportunity to stand on their own two feet and be able to blossom and be

their own person.

And the best way to do that is to have communication that's not just one-sided.

It's got to be where it's reciprocal, where they have a voice that is going to be heard.

And if you can't get it from your father and your mother, where are you going to get

it from?

And if you get it from other places, it's sometimes a very tough learning experience.

It's a lot nicer if you can get it at home.

That's interesting.

So, if we go a little deeper into that, and if I'm understanding you correctly, what you're

really doing is you are modeling those values, but in the world of your daughters.

That's correct.

Rina, you've referred to your dad as your best friend whom you can share anything with.

What are your earliest memories of your dad that have made you feel close to him?

I was thinking about this question, and one of the earliest memories I have is decorating

my dad and our dogs with stickers and jewelry.

And he was always willing to kind of like play along to my shenanigans.

And you know, that progressed as I grew older.

I was putting on like musical performances and he would sit on the couch and clap his hands

and then you know, when my grandparents were in a nursing home, he encouraged me to go sing

for them and sing for the residents.

And I think that goes along with what he was saying, you know, encourage your kids' talents.

Each one of us kind of had our own talents.

I like to sing and I had a sister who played the violin and she played baseball and I had

another sister that was very into art and painting and whatever interest we had, he really

got us the lessons and went to our games and you know, cheered on the sidelines and was

there with, you know, my parents, my grandparents and it became a family affair.

I mean, as you can imagine, having three daughters, there was always us competing for our parents

attention and our interests and what we wanted to do versus, you know, what they wanted us to

do.

But they did make us believe that we could do anything that we set our minds to and I think

that that's really cool.

Like they never said you can't major in vocal music or you can't major in sports medicine

or how about physics or how about becoming a doctor.

Like I was pre-med for two and a half years and then switched my major to communications

and broadcasting and they were really okay with it.

They're like, okay, if that's what you want to do with your career and I did end up doing

that for my career but I was much closer to a bachelor's of science and I was on a full

scholarship at a college and I ended up transferring from the University of Charleston where I was

doing a little bit of partying to Purdue, which was a much more serious university and

I left behind a singing scholarship and decided I wanted to try something else and I didn't

really see a lot of resistance there.

You both co-host a podcast and show called Better Called Daddy.

Where did you come up with the idea of working together and how was that decision made?

How do that decision make you both stronger?

My dad is always who I've called.

He's always the one that can stay on the phone for hours at a time and pretty much handle

most situations that I've been in.

So that has been a common theme through my life.

I think I decided that would be a good idea for a show after I worked for a top podcaster.

I worked for Kathy Heller host of Don't Keep Your Day job and I was like seven months pregnant

helping her produce a 350 person event.

This was also after I had co-hosted the next level people show so I had kind of already worked

in radio, co-hosted another podcast, then worked for a top podcaster and my dad was in LA

on business meeting a colleague and I was seven months pregnant putting out tables for

sponsors and keeping the guests happy in the green room and he was like, I will help you

put out the tables.

I will help you set up the booths.

I will make sure this event runs smoothly.

He was worried about me moving chairs.

He was like my production assistant for the day.

I've been behind the scenes, kind of got my start in television at the Jerry Springer show

right out of college and worked in reality TV for a while and then like I said worked for

a bunch of influencers and I felt like during the pandemic it was kind of my opportunity

to step in front of the camera and use all of these skills that I had learned for all

of these years and I knew my dad wouldn't back out on me that he would be the best co-host

and that he really synthesizes my thoughts well and he's there for me and I thought that

his wisdom and his intergenerational flare would make a good show.

Everything I'm hearing from what you're saying is comes back to the earlier question of your

dad actually modeling this idea of being in your world of helping you thrive in your world

and helping you grow.

And his parents modeled that too.

He worked with his parents for 40 plus years and he learned every aspect of the business

and that's something that my grandfather encouraged.

He said if you want to have your own business then you need to learn all of the departments

not just had to manage people but had to do the work that you're asking the people to

do and so my dad worked alongside his parents saw them model that and you know it wasn't

just working together in the factory it was once he came home to you know they learned

how to invest in the stock market together.

We had a close-knit family where we got together on weekends.

I mean I spent the night at my grandparents house until I was about in fifth grade they had

like a special mattress for me in their own room.

I remember my grandmother on the typewriter doing the time cards and my grandfather always

had the news on and I grew up with my grandparents like a five minute drive away and whenever I called

them my grandfather was like be right there a little girl you know.

So my grandparents were a big part of my life like my you know I grew up in Kentucky so

people get married young and my grandparents were like second parents to me.

Everything I just heard you say I think can be summed up in one word and this is what I see

happening in the dynamics between you and your dad and that word is legacy.

There's a legacy generations deep that's being left and I think that's absolutely

amazing.

Yeah thank you.

I appreciate that because that's what the better called daddy podcast is about is really

sharing not only our legacy but asking people to investigate the legacy of their own families

and with their own experiences so that really coincides with what the theme of the show is

about.

So let's dive into the spiritual dynamics.

What dynamics of your father daughter relationship mimic the image of God and how does that relate

to all of us is in a true that at least in our family and with the religious background

that we have were obligated to really pass to the next generation everything that we've

learned and values were supposed to be able to pass down as the belief of God to the right

things and to be spiritual and to be educated and grow your whole life.

That's a legacy that we feel is very close to God and the fact is is that we just don't

live forever and the only way that we can have a chance of living forever is if we pass

on through the generations our knowledge and our wisdom and pass that along and hopefully

if you're successful in business a little bit we can give a tool of passing on and some

inheritance financially as well but it doesn't take much to blow the money.

So we better make sure that we pass down good values as mentioned already earlier that your

children and your grandchildren your great grandchildren want to learn and grow and have

values of caring about others and not just yourself and try to make humanity a goal not

just individual goals.

I love that it's funny to you because he always says have a couple kids your own you'll see

how easy it is.

It's a big job and the funny part is is that it only took a second to make arena but the

fact is is that it's a life long commitment it's a life long I don't know how to say it

I guess it's really where you have to set the right example for your children always

they don't necessarily follow what you say they follow more your actions of what you do

so you really have to set a good example hands on your whole life because your children

are watching you at all different ages of their development are are following what your

lead is and I think we have a responsibility to do the best that we can to set the best

example and like I said it's got to be done to where an individual has to understand that

part of our existence is to be able to give your children every opportunity to have a continuum

and without that I think our individual lives are would be more shallow.

There's something really profound that you're bringing up and that is the fact that

we have a spiritual responsibility and accountability as fathers for our children for the legacy

that we leave our children we are accountable we are responsible for that that's what it

means that's this whole idea of mimicking the image of God which is the way he set it

up this is the way it was designed to be and if I really dive into the emotional component

of it to me that's overwhelming that's that actually I would probably just go ahead

and say it's a scary thought to me when I look at it that way does it ever feel overwhelming

to you.

Always certainly can be and sometimes when you even think you've done a terrific job it

can all blow up in your face because events can occur out there in the real world that

can give you a major setback and the fact is is that we have to learn to pivot we have

to learn to understand that it's not the end of the world and we just have to find maybe

a new path or a new way of moving forward but we can't allow the pitfalls to stop everything

that we're trying to build.

Well the good news is we don't have to do it alone God has promised to help us if he's

given us a responsibility that great he doesn't typically give responsibilities like that

without access to helping resources from him to accomplish that.

I agree with you 100 percent.

Wayne and Reena I've been told by experts that eye contact is essential to a bond and connection

with your daughter is this true and what's your experience with this?

Oh absolutely.

The funny part is is that I can tell when I'm looking at Reena whether she really hears

me or if I have surprised her with an answer it shows up on her face just like she's written

a book to me.

So I think that expression or facial expressions as long as you know going with the eyes as

well I think you can get a good read you can sometimes really know if somebody's got

something in their hand by the way they're acting that's why a lot of times they have a hat

on or a hood and dark glasses because they don't want to give away the emotion of their

hand at all where they're trying to just be a blank because I do agree that we our bodies

give us a lot of communication of how we really feel where it's very hard to fake that.

So I agree with you that eye contact facial contact whether a person is you don't have

them see a sweat okay or be extra nervous because like I said when it comes to being in

the clutch you want someone that can step up to a higher level when you're competing when

the pressure is on not someone who's going to melt.

I think I have your eyeballs.

My face says it all.

Right.

It's like I said she can be communicating just by her reaction to things and sometimes I have

to spend a little extra time calming her down even when she has said nothing okay just

from the facial expressions.

And I think a mother has that instinct even with her own children.

I mean even in the way that she's able to pick up baby cries that's what I was thinking

is you know you can tell when they're hungry you can tell when they're hurt you can tell

when they're sick.

So I think a lot of it is instinctual and another thing that I wanted to say too was my relationship

with my dad and even my grandparents has led to a belief in God because my dad always told

me as a young kid that as long as he's alive nothing bad will ever happen to me and I think

you know when I'm having a hard time I even am like if you love me like my dad loves me

then help me out right now like I know he puts up with a lot.

You know I talk to God like that because of my relationship with my dad I feel like I'm

able to believe in God and in the hardest times.

Oh wow yeah that's powerful and I think that's another form of a legacy that's being left.

I would and I would argue maybe the I would argue maybe that's the most important one.

They're all very very important but that's the most important legacy because that's what

was really designed all the way from the very very beginning the very first book.

Scripture is about that.

If that's being achieved that speaks to a huge success that's a big win as a parent.

You touched on a different dynamic and that is the the mother daughter relationship.

The very same thing happens there.

Yeah I think that it's important to be able to talk to to both of your parents to feel

understood and even in what we're trying to achieve with our show and I think what you're

trying to achieve with yours as well is by hearing people's stories and by giving them

time and not rushing through that and and making people feel like their story matters or

that their experience matters or that they can help someone that literally can save people's

lives.

That literally can give people legacy and purpose.

It's truly unbelievable what listening to someone tell their story can do.

My dad even encouraged me to put ear pods on his 93 year old mother and have her tell me

stories of where she came from so that I could get that before she wasn't able to tell that

story anymore and now I'm so glad that I did that and he found a recording of his dad when

he was clearing out the factory that they used to work at together.

It was like a cassette recording of he was getting ready to fire an employee and the other employee

who had referred him to the company was like I'm sorry I referred that guy like he was making

me look bad and he was like well you know thank you for letting me know that but I think

my grandfather was like hitting record just to document what he was getting ready to do

and I had that cassette transferred to an MP3 and I did an episode where I interviewed my

grandmother and then did a little transition explaining that I had found this tape and so

I had my grandfather in the same episode and his philosophy on work and then my dad responded

to the episode so it was like a triple generation episode me and my grandparents and my dad

and that too is like the power of storytelling the power of legacy and the power of documenting

for the next generation.

I think even your daughter was part of that show I think it was four generations.

Yeah my kids have participated even in the podcast through creating intros asking some

of the guests that I've interviewed questions coming up with different commercials with me.

I think that if you have skills that you can pass on to your kids chances are they have

some of those talents and they might even not not know that they have those talents so if

there's something that you're good at I'm even trying to tell my dad teach teach my kids

how to invest you know teach my kids how to take care of the yard teach my kids how to

take care of their grandparents I think them seeing me wanting to go see my 95 year old

grandma even though it's their spring break but you know how many years do I have left

with her I think that that teaches them lessons just in in going to visit remember your

actions sometimes speak louder than words.

Yeah I saw a news article that they opened like a child care center in a nursing home they

are testing that model because old people love babies and kids and kids love old people

and there is I feel like that it's missing from society today like kids live away from their

parents and parents live away from their parents me my dad flies to Florida like once a month

to go help out with his mom and you know we're also spread out and like I said earlier in

the episode I grew up with both sets of my grandparents within a five ten minute drive

away and they were coming to all of my performances or all of my school events and grandparents

day now grandparents day is like a parent coming or an aunt coming or a friend coming from

the community and and that's great to it's just there is wisdom from those other generations

and I think we still need to kind of incorporate some of that for learning.

I want to move on to a different direction why is it essential for dads to drop their anger

immediately and always when they interact with their daughters.

The truth of the matter is is that if you want your daughter to have a relationship with

a man down the road you have to give even an example of what a man should be like to

your daughter so you have to treat her right first you have to be understanding first you

have to be easy with your tone first because if you don't do that what can happen is that

they will meet someone out there and if you're yelling at your daughter or if you're overdoing

it or if you're being holding them back or telling them what to do and they can't do this

then they can't do that.

Well guess what then they're going to use that example and say well I love my dad and

my dad was like that maybe I've got to find somebody that's like my dad but not necessarily

in a good way but in a bad way and then that's how girls can end up in an abusive relationship

because they think that that's normal so I think it's very important especially with

a daughter that a father has to be extra extra extra patient and understanding and set the

best possible example.

You want to be a little rough with your son you want him to be a little tougher but with

a daughter you got to treat her like she's a piece of pie with whipped cream and a cherry

on top.

Love that answer.

You know what are your thoughts on this?

I think that my parents got married super young and to be honest my dad was very passionate

in his younger years with expressing himself and even if there was some yelling I think

it's really important just to tuck your kids in at night and let them know that you love

them and to drive them to school in the morning and ask them what's on their mind and if they

want to talk for an hour or two at a time do that and if there are things that you can't

talk about like you know I went to a grandparent so that's what comes to mind for me is there

are going to be times where you guys don't see eye to eye or that you're not going to be

as close I mean even when I was in college I was definitely figuring out myself and wanted

some years to do that but just let your daughter know that kind of like what you stand for

and what your values are and that you're going to be there and you're going to be accepting

and you know that you can call it any hour.

How can dads listening connect with you both with any questions or to learn more about

what you're doing or to just listen into your podcast?

BetterCallDaddy.com and we love when people have questions for us that's something that we

do at the end of every episode we say is there anything that you would like to ask my

dad and it can be around business it can be around a personal struggle that you're having

people have even said that they want to adopt my dad and that is the biggest form of flattery.

As we close what is your challenge to dads listening now?

Dad should express to their daughters what they're proud of them about.

I don't think that dads do it enough maybe they just don't think too and I think it's

really powerful to do that.

Let your kids know that what they've done is good and that you see that in them.

I think letting your kids know that you see their gifts stays with them for a really long

time.

It's something that they can always draw from.

But dad really has to be able to step up and be able to show that they're going to be

there for their daughter no matter what.

I feel the same thing about a son too.

You've got to be there unconditionally and sometimes it's hard because if they're doing

certain things that are against the grain that you don't believe in but you have to try

to put your you know how the shoe fits on the other foot and try to see where they're coming

from despite your own beliefs.

But it's hard.

Sometimes it's really hard but you have to be willing to at least try to find some middle

road if you can.

Wayne Reena it has been a pleasure having you both on the fatherhood challenge.

We've given us so much wisdom, much needed wisdom.

I've been looking forward to doing this episode for a long time because I knew it was going

to be packed with so much wisdom and certainly true today.

Thank you so much for being on the fatherhood challenge.

Thanks for having us again.

We appreciate it.

Thanks Jonathan.

Loved your questions.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Fatherhood Challenge.

If you would like to contact us, listen to other episodes, find any resource mentioned

in this program or find out more information about the fatherhood challenge.

Please visit thefatherhoodchallenge.com.

That's thefatherhoodchallenge.com.

[MUSIC]

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/thefatherhoodchallengepodcast/donations