There’s a word for intense fear of change. Metathesiophobia.

That’s when your fear of change is so strong and affects your life so intensely that you’ve developed an actual phobia around change. If that has become the case, then you’d avoid any change in your life as much as possible and stay in a constant state of agitation or vigilance about potential change.

But change is inevitable. Time brings change. People change. Children change. Circumstances change. Cultures change. Even beliefs can change.

Yet you could live a life denying change. You could keep treating your kids like kids, instead of seeing them grow into their own beings. You could fight your body changing and aging with all sorts of anti-aging products. You could see cultural change and fear it so much that you become paranoid about its impact and fight against it, surrounding yourself with people who share your beliefs. And share your fear.

In this episode of SelfWork, we’ll tackle this very important distinction: how you’re fearing something because of the limited information you have about it, not realizing how your own assumptions about it are keeping you afraid.

Important Links:

Click here to order the PHD Workbook!

Click here to find out more about Dr. Margaret's PESI course on perfectionism and depression on November 2, 2026! It's virtual!

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Having a panic disorder is bad enough.

You may be able to anticipate it happening; for example, if you tend to panic when you see a spider or a snake.

But other times, panic attacks – the sudden onset of intense symptoms of anxiety, such as trouble breathing, your heart racing, feelings of wanting or even needing to flee, tunnel vision, sweating, trembling – these very unwelcome and unexpected feelings come upon you like a freight train suddenly roaring toward you - going its fastest speed. It can truly feel as if you’ve been invaded by some other being and the attacks themselves can be very frightening, especially if you have no idea what they are.

Panicked About Panic...

Yet what can easily begin to happen - after you’ve had a few of these highly unpleasant and even humiliating attacks – you can begin to fear them. You can see ahead and realize that you might have to deal with one at a time when you have responsibilities, duties, things to do.

And so… you become panicked about panic.

In this episode of SelfWork, we'll focus on five surefire ways to calm your nervous system and deal with "panic about panic."

Episode -Specific Links:

Dr. Saunders' YouTube video on these five calming techniques!

Goodreads recommendations for "best self-help books for panic disorder"

Important Links:

Click here to order the PHD Workbook!

Click here to find out more about Dr. Margaret's PESI course on perfectionism and depression on November 2, 2026! It's virtual!

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Today we'll focus on how to listen to someone so that they feel truly understood and seen.

And it may not be a kind of listening that you know about. It's a method called "affect labeling" - meaning labeling the emotions of the person you're listening to. And our expert today is Doug Noll, who teaches this method all over the world.

This episode will teach you this new way of listening that is amazingly effective!

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Today I'm focusing on three role models in my own life and the questions you can ask to help you identify your own.

Who are they? Dolly Parton. Maya Angelou. And a woman named "Snooky."

How does someone become a role model for you?

Someone in your life may know that you look up to them, that you want to emulate them in some way.

Others role models will never know it. You simply know of them. Or you’ve read their writings. Heard their songs. Watched them from afar.

This episode will help you find your own role models and begin to put the values you choose into your life!

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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You may never have been on the inside of a psych ward. In his new book, JaKob Williams takes you there.

Or at least, he takes you to his version of a residential psych ward.

He's an interesting guy. Brilliant. Sarcastic. Successful. Driven. Creative. Funny.

And he has bipolar disorder, which sometimes gets the better of him. He becomes manic, and even psychotic. As he says...

"You talk about PHD. Perfectly hidden depression. I'm POM. Perfectly obvious mania."

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

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Dr. Nick Wignall continues as Dr. Margaret's guest this week, as we switch from focusing on emotional fitness to the 100% effective CBT tool for curing insomnia, called sleep compression.

It's hard to believe that in ten years of doing SelfWork, I don't remember an episode where we were focusing on insomnia, although I hear about it on a regular basis all the time. We've talked about "sleep disturbance" frequently in the context of classic depression, bipolar disorder, nightmares, or anxiety. So when Nick told me one of this areas of expertise was insomnia, I jumped at it.

How does sleep compression work?

Nick goes on to describe the technique called sleep compression (a term I'd never heard) that is a CBT - or cognitive behavioral therapy tool - that is 100% effective for insomnia. It's fascinating to hear and makes such common sense.

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Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of agency - of having some sense of and belief in your ability to have an impact on your life.

Understanding emotional fitness is not just about recognizing the feelings we experience but also about actively managing them. Many people find themselves in situations where they feel overwhelmed by their emotions, which can lead to stress and anxiety. By implementing practices that enhance emotional fitness, individuals can learn to navigate these challenges more effectively.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

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 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5^th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season will be released. Today, we're going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso characters having secrets that they're keeping.... and the freedom they discover in the telling of them.

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EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing for emptiness and grief - when relationships were never loving and for when they're gone.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

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Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a "belief collapse." And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through.

Today's focus will be on how to do just that - get through disillusionment.

What is disillusionment?

Disillusionment happens when something you desire or believe strongly is true and right – something that you’ve worked hard to create or to build - crashes into a harsh reality.

So many of my clients through the years have been disillusioned, demoralized people. They have reached a level of pain in their hearts and very souls that feels overwhelming.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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The subject for today is how to talk with a perfectionist about your concern for them. Or if you’re the perfectionist, how to allow someone into your world enough for you to hear that concern. I'll offer five definite approaches that work and you'll learn about the feedback loop that makes perfectionism addictive.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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Therapy harm is the topic this week, as Dr. Margaret welcomes her guest Dr. Patricia Dixon to SelfWork.

What is therapy harm?

We talk more openly than ever about the benefits of therapy, but less about the ways therapy can unintentionally cause harm. And harm does happen far too often with therapists who do things or say things that hurt their clients. Maybe it’s over-sharing, being dismissive of something their client is trying to describe, invalidating their experience. Or perhaps even worse, letting a client know of an attraction to them that they feel.

Dr. Patricia Dixon, an expert in therapy harm and what's termed "colorism"

Today psychologist and mental health advocate Dr. Patricia Dixon is shedding light on the often misunderstood concept of “therapy harm.” She explains what it is, how it can happen even with the best intentions, and why clients who experience it often struggle to speak up. We’re also going to focus on what’s called “colorism” - when fairer skin becomes an avenue toward privilege - and how she addresses that in her teaching and practice. Colorism happens in multiple cultures and is so important to legitimize as happening regularly.

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Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

 

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What's the most recent news for depression sufferers in 2026?

That's the question Dr. Margaret researched today. Some new treatments are available now; some are still trying to get FDA approval. But there's a lot of promise out there, especially for what's termed treatment-resistant depression.

There's also a new book out, Rethinking Suicide, that points out more recent research findings in suicide prevention.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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Dr. Margaret will focus today on questions and answers that listeners have sent her by either voicemail or email.

First topic for today: Is anorexia back "in" as beautiful?

Second: Why could you be allowing your mom (with borderline traits) to occupy such emotional space in your life?

And third: If I'm openly sad when my son is getting ready to leave home, am I unintentionally setting him up to feel guilty?

I so appreciate it when either listeners to the podcast or readers on my website comment to me, leave me a Speakpipe voicemail, or send in an email!

So thank you to any and all of you who've sent in questions and comments. Keep them coming!

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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Discover how to interpret the Enneagram in this episode of SelfWork! It's a personality test that's been around for decades. How is it different from other personality scales and what has made it so popular for so many years?

Our expert speaker is Courtney Smith, who's a coach, group facilitator, and consultant who works with individuals and Fortune 500 companies to achieve change. She is a renowned practitioner of the Enneagram personality system, which she teaches alongside other personal development tools. She is the coauthor with Elise Loehnen of Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness. Courtney's newsletter is What We're Really Up To.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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In this SelfWork episode, Dr. Margaret interviews an expert on medical and mental trauma of chronic illness - Amy Kurtz.

194 million Americans–more than 76 percent of the population–are living with chronic illness. Many eventually stabilize, but what happens when the body heals and you still don’t feel safe inside it?

Patient advocate and health coach Amy Kurtz knows this gap in our healthcare system firsthand. Having gone to 36 doctors, she was already exhausted from that decades-long effort. Finally hearing the diagnosis of late-stage neurological Lyme disease with co-infections, and getting the right treatment, her labs may have improved.

But as her body began to stabilize, the fear didn’t fade. She lived in constant anticipation that her health would collapse again at any moment. It was her husband who finally named what she couldn’t: the illness may have receded, but the trauma hadn’t.

 What emerged from that conversation is her book that came out this week - BUT YOU LOOK FINE (Balance, June 9), an earnest guide to get through the dark tunnel of what she calls Medical Trauma Brain: the lingering imprint of illness that doesn’t disappear just because the diagnosis improves.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

 

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This week we’re sharing a special episode from our friends at How To!, the 2026 Ambie Award-nominated “Best Personal Growth Podcast” that’s back with a new host and new topics to fuel your curiosity. 

Each week on How To!, award-winning journalist Mike Pesca tackles a listener’s question – on topics ranging from travel and finance to health and relationships – with help from world-class experts who actually know what they're talking about. Think of it as eavesdropping on someone else's therapy session, without the co-pay or awkward silence. 

And today, we’re sharing their recent episode “How To Take Psychedelics for Your Mental Health” where Mike interviews psychiatrist Dr. Will Van der Veer, a psychedelic researcher, and Myq Kaplan who has taken psychedelics for his mental health and other reasons. I love this episode because you get to hear a bunch of personal experiences of medical psychedelics and learn more about this emerging treatment for mental health conditions. 

And for more interviews like this, make sure to follow How To! on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And tell them we sent you.

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Dr. Margaret focuses today on the vital importance of what’s termed “cultural humility” as she responds to a listener voicemail, pointing out that as she’s a white person, her advice comes from a place of privilege in the US.

Do you have to have walked in someone else’s shoes, carried the same load as they have, lived a life very similar to theirs – to truly understand them? Or to offer something helpful to them?

I received a very open and honest voicemail this week that addresses this question. What follows is also a discussion of the difference between cultural competence and cultural humility.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

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Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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It’s a little hard to describe Paul Gilmartin.

He's worked as a stand-up comic. He makes furniture. And he's a maternal abuse survivor.

To add to that, he was one of the first hosts of the TBS show Dinner and A Movie. In fact, he hosted that show for years – and people still recognize him when he’s out and about!

But his life has moved in many directions.

Since 2011 however, he’s been the host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast – where he interviews all kinds of people – occasionally a mental health professional. And he encourages folks on the podcast to be as honest as they’re ready to be – about things that many have a struggle with revealing.

I was honored to be on his podcast a few months ago. Paul’s demeanor is such that you find yourself talking to him like no one’s listening… which of course they will eventually be doing just that. He creates a safe space to do that within – and I found it quite a forgiving and emotionally supportive space. Something that makes his podcast unique is that he encourages his listeners to fill out anonymous surveys so he knows what exactly they’re going through – and no holes are barred as far as subject matter. And that’s where his conversations go – into territory that holds shame or fear for many.

You can perhaps tell I’m a huge advocate for his work.

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Emotional martyrdom. What is it? And where does it come from? That's today's SelfWork episode.

Recently, I got a comment on the questionnaire blogpost on perfectly hidden depression - from a woman whose every word convinced me that there are too many people in the world who believe it's their job to keep everyone around them happy.

So today we're going to look at what's termed emotional martyrdom. This could be you or someone you're in a relationship with. It can sound like, "It's my job to keep everyone happy, whether or not I am happy myself." Or, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine." Or, "I'm not hungry. Y'all go on and eat what's there and I'll see what's left."

Emotional martyrdom can be insidious, as it often masquerades as altruism but leads to neglecting one's own needs and happiness.

The listener email involves a woman who was overly enmeshed with her own mom. She felt guilt for leaving in seeing other members of the family becoming enmeshed. But she also realized she might be repeating the same pattern, and asks the question, "Should she overcompensate or work on things slowly?"

ORDER The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

 

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

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