Today we're focused on depression. And I ask the question: "Is depression normal or is it an illness?

When Brian Miller was on SelfWork a few weeks ago, he talked about the fact that we’re in a trust desert right now. Those weren’t his words. But are what I came away with. We find it hard to trust so-called experts or people that have the credentials after their name but instead, we’re drawn to people who are charismatic – and tend to believe them instead.

When he said it, I immediately thought of all of you who listen to SelfWork.

I don’t think because I have a PhD, I should automatically have your trust. My belief has always been that it’s my job to earn the trust of others. And that’s not simply with the people who come into therapy with me. It’s here as well. It’s here on SelfWork.

Today on SelfWork, I’m going to focus on a comment made on my TEDx, not anonymously, but I’m not going to reveal any info about the commenter. I’ve left it in its original form, although a bit of it is hard to understand. At first, I thought this person was disagreeing with the concept of perfectly hidden depression. But I think now that they’re simply making a great point – that much about depression can be a normal response to the things that have happened.

 

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Dr. Margaret focuses today on feelings of remorse and regret that parents carry over either their actions or their lack of action with the children they were meant to love and protect.

Sexual abuse, incest, and alcoholism are also discussed, so please listen carefully.

Today’s episode is focused on two very distinct listener appeals. One is a letter from an inmate within the Arkansas penal system who raped his oldest daughter. The second is a voicemail from a woman who was or is an alcoholic; that’s a little unclear. She was an irresponsible mother, and her oldest daughter became an alcoholic herself and died from that problem or the consequences of her addiction.

They both express intense remorse over their actions or their lack of action. They are asking what they can do now. How do they live with themselves? How do they cope with the consequences of their action or inaction?

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Finding your purpose. Is that easy? Hard? With the help of the highly-respected Dr. Terrence Roberts, Dr. Margaret repeats his question, "Why are you?"

I was lucky enough to have a very special experience this past week. I heard Dr. Terrence Roberts, who was one of the Little Rock Nine, nine African-American students who had the courage to enter an all-white segregated school - Central High School - in Little Rock, Arkansas in 1957. They had police escorts, and I'm sure it took immense courage, resolve, and resilience. He spoke at the fall convention of the Arkansas Psychological Association.

I expected him to talk about that experience. But that wasn't the message he wanted to convey. Instead, he asked us all this question: "Why are you?" How would you answer that question?

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today, Dr. Margaret focuses on what "asking for help" in the context of mental health... actually means.

So many will tell you that asking for help reflects weakeness.

I’d like to challenge that thought. And I’ve got great help from the little book The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy.

Here’s the quote itself:

• The Boy asks: “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said?”
• The Horse answers: “Help.”
• The Horse adds: “Asking for help isn’t giving up. It’s refusing to give up.”
• 
  

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today’s episode of SelfWork was suggested by the last episode of Ted Lasso, in which Rebecca talked about grief and the messy feelings it can bring with it.

Rebecca tells Ted, "We laugh, we hurt, we fall, we get back up. We're a mess. And that is… fantastic. Because being messy just means being alive. And we could all do with being a bit more alive."

Or… not. Some people fear this messiness – they much prefer staying in control. And I understand and respect that.

And yet… if you’re one of those people, if you’ve never allowed yourself to feel all of what you can feel, I’d like to propose the idea that if fear is keeping you away those emotions, then that can become its own trap.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Dr. Margaret and her TEDx speech coach, Brian Miller, talk about challenging the fear of public speaking and the importance of human connection.

"Go out and make a dent in the universe." These are the words I heard from Brian Miller, three years ago, weeks before I was to give my TEDxBocaRaton talk on perfectly hidden depression.

Daring to face the fear of public speaking...

But why did I ask Brian to be on SelfWork? Probably not many of you give actual speeches, although some of you might. You may make presentations at work. You may be helping your child with a project they're doing. You may be on a committee where you're leading people.

Or you may avoid those things like the plague.

One reason is that the fear of public speaking is the most common anxiety or fear that any of us can have. It beats out a fear of spiders or heights - or even death itself. It belongs in a similar realm as social anxiety, which is its close cousin.

But I think Brian's message is much more than about making speeches. It's about human connection. It's about getting out of your own need to be successful at whatever you're doing and to care instead about how to serve and connect with others.

It's about accepting the challenge - that you can be the person who makes that dent - however you want to do it.

 

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we're talking with two experts on tuning into your own intuition.

Sarah Gregg is a psychologist and a published author with over 90,000 copies of her books sold. And Jill Ritchie is a highly sought after intuitive coach who's worked with Olympians, celebrities, and high achieving entrepreneurs to help them really begin learn how to trust their intuition and step into their best selves, their highest selves.

And when these two women got together, what a powerful combo they made.

I know that my own intuition has been a part of my life as a therapist. So, I was eager to hear how these two women came to believe and create The Intuitive Psychology Association.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

There’s a word for intense fear of change. Metathesiophobia.

That’s when your fear of change is so strong and affects your life so intensely that you’ve developed an actual phobia around change. If that has become the case, then you’d avoid any change in your life as much as possible and stay in a constant state of agitation or vigilance about potential change.

But change is inevitable. Time brings change. People change. Children change. Circumstances change. Cultures change. Even beliefs can change.

Yet you could live a life denying change. You could keep treating your kids like kids, instead of seeing them grow into their own beings. You could fight your body changing and aging with all sorts of anti-aging products. You could see cultural change and fear it so much that you become paranoid about its impact and fight against it, surrounding yourself with people who share your beliefs. And share your fear.

In this episode of SelfWork, we’ll tackle this very important distinction: how you’re fearing something because of the limited information you have about it, not realizing how your own assumptions about it are keeping you afraid.

Important Links:

Click here to order the PHD Workbook!

Click here to find out more about Dr. Margaret's PESI course on perfectionism and depression on November 2, 2026! It's virtual!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Having a panic disorder is bad enough.

You may be able to anticipate it happening; for example, if you tend to panic when you see a spider or a snake.

But other times, panic attacks – the sudden onset of intense symptoms of anxiety, such as trouble breathing, your heart racing, feelings of wanting or even needing to flee, tunnel vision, sweating, trembling – these very unwelcome and unexpected feelings come upon you like a freight train suddenly roaring toward you - going its fastest speed. It can truly feel as if you’ve been invaded by some other being and the attacks themselves can be very frightening, especially if you have no idea what they are.

Panicked About Panic...

Yet what can easily begin to happen - after you’ve had a few of these highly unpleasant and even humiliating attacks – you can begin to fear them. You can see ahead and realize that you might have to deal with one at a time when you have responsibilities, duties, things to do.

And so… you become panicked about panic.

In this episode of SelfWork, we'll focus on five surefire ways to calm your nervous system and deal with "panic about panic."

Episode -Specific Links:

Dr. Saunders' YouTube video on these five calming techniques!

Goodreads recommendations for "best self-help books for panic disorder"

Important Links:

Click here to order the PHD Workbook!

Click here to find out more about Dr. Margaret's PESI course on perfectionism and depression on November 2, 2026! It's virtual!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we'll focus on how to listen to someone so that they feel truly understood and seen.

And it may not be a kind of listening that you know about. It's a method called "affect labeling" - meaning labeling the emotions of the person you're listening to. And our expert today is Doug Noll, who teaches this method all over the world.

This episode will teach you this new way of listening that is amazingly effective!

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today I'm focusing on three role models in my own life and the questions you can ask to help you identify your own.

Who are they? Dolly Parton. Maya Angelou. And a woman named "Snooky."

How does someone become a role model for you?

Someone in your life may know that you look up to them, that you want to emulate them in some way.

Others role models will never know it. You simply know of them. Or you’ve read their writings. Heard their songs. Watched them from afar.

This episode will help you find your own role models and begin to put the values you choose into your life!

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

You may never have been on the inside of a psych ward. In his new book, JaKob Williams takes you there.

Or at least, he takes you to his version of a residential psych ward.

He's an interesting guy. Brilliant. Sarcastic. Successful. Driven. Creative. Funny.

And he has bipolar disorder, which sometimes gets the better of him. He becomes manic, and even psychotic. As he says...

"You talk about PHD. Perfectly hidden depression. I'm POM. Perfectly obvious mania."

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Dr. Nick Wignall continues as Dr. Margaret's guest this week, as we switch from focusing on emotional fitness to the 100% effective CBT tool for curing insomnia, called sleep compression.

It's hard to believe that in ten years of doing SelfWork, I don't remember an episode where we were focusing on insomnia, although I hear about it on a regular basis all the time. We've talked about "sleep disturbance" frequently in the context of classic depression, bipolar disorder, nightmares, or anxiety. So when Nick told me one of this areas of expertise was insomnia, I jumped at it.

How does sleep compression work?

Nick goes on to describe the technique called sleep compression (a term I'd never heard) that is a CBT - or cognitive behavioral therapy tool - that is 100% effective for insomnia. It's fascinating to hear and makes such common sense.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Dr. Nick Wignall speaks about the vital importance of emotional fitness and becoming the hero of your life. This whole concept is intriguing and suggests that finding and maintaining your own sense of agency - of having some sense of and belief in your ability to have an impact on your life.

Understanding emotional fitness is not just about recognizing the feelings we experience but also about actively managing them. Many people find themselves in situations where they feel overwhelmed by their emotions, which can lead to stress and anxiety. By implementing practices that enhance emotional fitness, individuals can learn to navigate these challenges more effectively.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

This week – in fact to be punctual about it – on August 5^th, 2026 – the first episode of the new Ted Lasso season will be released. Today, we're going to focus on the meaning of so many of Ted Lasso characters having secrets that they're keeping.... and the freedom they discover in the telling of them.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

EMDR Therapy is known for its treatment of trauma. Dr. Laurel Parnell teaches and demonstrates how it can be healing for emptiness and grief - when relationships were never loving and for when they're gone.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go. 

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Disillusionment is defined in psychology as a "belief collapse." And the grief that that implosion can cause can be very hard to work through.

Today's focus will be on how to do just that - get through disillusionment.

What is disillusionment?

Disillusionment happens when something you desire or believe strongly is true and right – something that you’ve worked hard to create or to build - crashes into a harsh reality.

So many of my clients through the years have been disillusioned, demoralized people. They have reached a level of pain in their hearts and very souls that feels overwhelming.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The subject for today is how to talk with a perfectionist about your concern for them. Or if you’re the perfectionist, how to allow someone into your world enough for you to hear that concern. I'll offer five definite approaches that work and you'll learn about the feedback loop that makes perfectionism addictive.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Therapy harm is the topic this week, as Dr. Margaret welcomes her guest Dr. Patricia Dixon to SelfWork.

What is therapy harm?

We talk more openly than ever about the benefits of therapy, but less about the ways therapy can unintentionally cause harm. And harm does happen far too often with therapists who do things or say things that hurt their clients. Maybe it’s over-sharing, being dismissive of something their client is trying to describe, invalidating their experience. Or perhaps even worse, letting a client know of an attraction to them that they feel.

Dr. Patricia Dixon, an expert in therapy harm and what's termed "colorism"

Today psychologist and mental health advocate Dr. Patricia Dixon is shedding light on the often misunderstood concept of “therapy harm.” She explains what it is, how it can happen even with the best intentions, and why clients who experience it often struggle to speak up. We’re also going to focus on what’s called “colorism” - when fairer skin becomes an avenue toward privilege - and how she addresses that in her teaching and practice. Colorism happens in multiple cultures and is so important to legitimize as happening regularly.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you make decisions about what to keep about your perfectionism and what to challenge.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

 

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What's the most recent news for depression sufferers in 2026?

That's the question Dr. Margaret researched today. Some new treatments are available now; some are still trying to get FDA approval. But there's a lot of promise out there, especially for what's termed treatment-resistant depression.

There's also a new book out, Rethinking Suicide, that points out more recent research findings in suicide prevention.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands