SHOW / EPISODE

You Have the Same Fight Over and Over Again

Season 1 | Episode 28
24m | Sep 17, 2026

We keep having the same fight over and over. A week after saying we'd never quit this podcast, that fight almost made us quit.


This one is just the two of us, days after one of the bigger blowups we've had in a while, walking through exactly how the same argument keeps finding us after almost 16 years of marriage. Because what couples fight about is almost never what the conflict is actually about.


So we get honest about our pattern. Where the tension starts before either of us says a word. What happens when one spouse shuts down and goes quiet while the other pushes harder to connect. How our anxious and avoidant attachment styles turn a stressful week into a blowup. Why Malia said "I can't be his Holy Spirit," and what she does instead. And the iceberg picture our coach drew that showed us what's really underneath, and why resolving conflict in our marriage used to take a week and now takes less than a day.


Which one of you goes quiet? If you know this loop, this episode is for you. There is a way out, and it's not learning to argue better.


Not sure where the fighting is actually coming from? Take our free 4-minute family assessment: https://www.ourhouse.faith/assessment


CHAPTERS


00:00 We almost cancelled this episode

03:52 Why couples have the same argument on repeat

07:23 Where the fight starts before it starts

08:28 When one spouse shuts down and one pursues

09:29 The moment stress becomes a blowup

12:45 “I can’t be his Holy Spirit”

19:17 The iceberg under every fight

22:27 How the fight finally ends


WATCH NEXT

Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Attachment Styles): [LINK]

Marriage and the 5 Love Languages: [LINK]


FREE FROM US

Take our 4-minute family assessment: https://www.ourhouse.faith/assessment

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesmylies


Sponsorship: info@ourhouse.faith


We're Jason and Malia. Four boys, almost 16 years married, helping families bring God to the center of their home every week.


As for our house, we will serve the Lord. Inspired by Joshua 24:15


#christianmarriage #marriageadvice #resolvingconflict #attachmentstyles

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