Li Li reflects on her progress after a year of medication, expressing her goal of achieving stability and independence from medication through the power of daily activities. She shares her current work situation at the bookstore, acknowledging the positive impact it has had on her coping skills and problem-solving abilities. Li Li discusses her reduced reliance on psychiatric consultations and her acceptance of medication as a part of her journey, emphasizing the multifaceted nature of her identity. Li Li concludes by expressing her hope for the future, including her plans to explore living alone and continue sharing her story in a new series. She leaves listeners with a powerful message of hope, acknowledging their efforts, expressing love and gratitude for their existence, and urging them to embrace life and witness the beauty of each sunrise.

Li Li describes her decision to seek part-time employment as a means of gaining financial independence and combating her loneliness. She shares her initial anxieties and self-doubt about her ability to work due to her depression and panic attacks. Li Li details her experience working at a bookstore, highlighting the therapeutic benefits of structure, routine, and a sense of control. She reflects on the gradual development of friendships and the increased confidence she gained from being able to predict and manage her days. Li Li encourages listeners to establish small, achievable routines as a foundation for building positive habits and regaining a sense of agency.

Li Li delves into her struggle to redefine success outside the academic context, highlighting the sense of loss and disorientation she felt after leaving university. She acknowledges the difficulty of accepting that reality often does not align with our expectations, particularly during periods of depression. Li Li emphasizes the importance of seeing things as they are, rather than clinging to unrealistic expectations of how things should be. She shares her personal growth in accepting the limitations of her parents and friends, setting boundaries, and taking responsibility for her own happiness. Li Li encourages listeners to let go of the blame game and begin to see things as they are, empowering them to make informed choices about their relationships and their lives.

Li Li explores the solace she found in visiting bookstores, describing the calming atmosphere and the joy of reconnecting with her love of reading. She shares her initial sadness upon realizing how much she had missed out on due to her focus on achievement. Li Li recounts the gradual shift from sadness to curiosity and the eventual return of her ability to concentrate and read, highlighting the incremental nature of her progress. She concludes by acknowledging the self-imposed restrictions she had placed on her own enjoyment and happiness in her pursuit of success, hinting at the need to redefine her understanding of success.

Li Li highlights the importance of small steps in recovery and encourages listeners to engage in simple activities outside their homes, such as visiting supermarkets. She describes how observing other people going about their lives helped her realize that her world was not ending and offered a sense of hope. Li Li emphasizes the healing power of connecting with the outside world, whether through feeling the wind, seeing the sun, or simply noticing the variety of food in a supermarket. She encourages listeners to take a single step, no matter how small, and trust in their ability to navigate their own healing journey.

Li Li describes the gradual stabilization of her medication's side effects, particularly the improvement in her sleep patterns after two to three months. She details the debilitating impact of insomnia on her daily life and the loneliness she felt during this time. With improved sleep, Li Li experiences a reduction in anxiety and emotional distress, allowing her to engage in activities like reading and visiting bookstores. Li Li reflects on the newfound appreciation she has gained for simple daily tasks, emphasizing their power in promoting well-being. She concludes by reframing her self-blame, viewing it as a testament to her resilience and a source of strength for overcoming future challenges.

Li Li explores the emotional blunting she experienced as a side effect of antidepressants, leading to an identity crisis and feelings of shame and frustration. Despite her background in psychology, Li Li grapples with the stigma surrounding medication and the perception of weakness associated with taking it. She shares her personal struggle with self-blame and acknowledges that this stigma prevents many from seeking necessary treatment. Li Li emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and encourages listeners to prioritize their well-being, urging them not to let shame hinder their decision to seek help.

Li Li describes the period of intense suicidal ideations she experienced after starting medication. She acknowledges the support of her boyfriend who came to her aid during this difficult time. Li Li emphasizes the importance of validating feelings of sadness and numbness, regardless of external circumstances. She reflects on the impact of her experiences, highlighting the universality of fragility and the importance of accepting difficult emotions. Li Li concludes by posing a question about moving forward from emptiness and despair. 

Li Li discusses the events that led her to seek psychiatric help, including the death of her grandfather, moving to a new state, and the suicide of a close friend. She details her symptoms, which included intense anxiety, nightmares, and difficulty leaving her room. Li Li recounts her initial experiences with antidepressants, including the underestimated side effects of Lexapro and subsequent trials of other medications that left her feeling drowsy and hopeless. She also shares the kindness of her psychiatrist who offered reduced rates and free sessions to ensure she continued treatment 

In this episode, Li Li opens up about her journey with antidepressants during a challenging time of grief and anxiety. She shares the difficulties of navigating side effects, the trial-and-error process of finding the right medication, and the invaluable role of supportive relationships. With honesty and empathy, Li Li reminds listeners that recovery isn't linear and highlights the importance of seeking professional help, while addressing the financial barriers many face. Stay tuned as she promises to continue her story in upcoming episodes.

Is someone truly gone after they passed away? Or are they more alive in us after death?

My grandmother was schizophrenice, and here is my first ever guest, my dad.

23 hours after his last breath. Curated with tears and a broken heart, Li Li.