The Clarifiers were a clandestine cabal of influential Utah housewives in the 1960s and 70s. Working with a local motorcycle gang they dispensed their unique brand of vigilante justice to help women, children—and the occasional puppy—who were trapped in abusive situations.  Then they went home to their husbands and fixed dinner for their kids, most of whom never knew that the Clarifiers even existed.

It is sometimes very difficult to recognize moments of extreme historical significance when you're in them. Right now, is one of those moments. It is also one of the most consequential moments in LGBTQ+ history. Drawing on more than fifty years as an activist, lobbyist, and survivor of the AIDS crisis, Stuart argues that the community’s greatest threat is not only political opposition, but also internal division. He shares stories from his own life, the power of unexpected allies, and the importance of kindness, respect, and everyday human connection in creating lasting social change. Throughout the episode, he challenges listeners to ask whether they would rather be right or live in a society where they have rights and closes with a moving reminder that each generation inherits struggles it did not choose—and is judged by what it leaves behind. 

Today's youth have it very rough, but it's not hopeless. Many generations of Americans inherited a broken world—and a responsibility to fix it. So put on your big boy, you big girl and your big transgender pants, suck it up, stop complaining and let's get to work.

Drawing on firsthand experiences and hard-won victories hof an AIDS survivor, anti-gay violence survivor, LGBTQ+ political activist & lobbyist, Stuart argues a provocative, emotional, and unapologetically honest call to action for younger generations of LGBTQ+. 

Generations of LGBTQ+ people grew up searching for the elders who never came. In this powerful Pride episode, Stuart Merrill and Adaline Reid explore the legacy of AIDS, queer isolation, and the healing power of chosen family.

This is not a regular episode. It is an open letter to the Oregon Safer Workers Coalition, (OSWC). 

The OSWC is facing a moral and financial crisis very similar to one Gay Rights organizations faced over 30 years ago. At that time it was essential for the survival of our movement that we faced our own bigotry.

The current OSWC Board is an exclusionary and segregated world of confirmation bias and bigotry. The ideal board consists of a diverse range of people and ideas. Diversity is a superpower, not something to be avoided out of bitterness, ignorance and fear.

It is simply not possible to run an organization like the OSWC with the stated goal of addressing bigotry if the OSWC Board consists of bigots. The OSWC is the problem they claim they are trying to correct.

Link to OSWC strategy paper:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Yl98L4xUQZkeZd0kPayRp2v_QfHRXuTqeDBXmbnGOmE/edit?usp=drivesdk

During those nightmare years at the beginning of the AIDS crisis, I started to notice a pattern. It wasn’t a pattern of sickness or death—it was a pattern of survival, even of quality of life.

Every person I knew with AIDS who somehow lived two, three, sometimes five years longer than expected had one thing in common: their attitude. Their approach to life—and to living with AIDS— was relentlessly positive. At times it seemed irrational, even illogical, but it was undeniably real.

In this episode, I share how I first learned, then lost, and ultimately relearned a positive approach to my health. After 25 years of severe HIV-related illness, I have my life back—and I owe it all to a positive attitude.

OSWC Community Care Backpack fundraiser:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1upkCZK8VW0tPykQJ3CW6O?si=vxm5FXNNR8OF_0DpzBCM-Q&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A49MR9Y0b7qTSbP9tEzmhIW

In this episode I recall how the members of the LGBTQ+ community tried to prevent me from saving the lives of gay men with AIDS, how we finally got federal legislation to pay for HIV medication as well as how and why i finally left Utah for good.

This is a very humorous story of how I strongarmed the Utah State Legislature into paying for HIV/AIDS medication during the intensely homophobic Bush years.  

Even though all my friends in the Democratic minority made it clear to me that I had a snowball's chance of hell of succeeding.

I wasn't so sure my goals were quite that unattainable. I had one very powerful tool most democratic politicians in Utah did not possess, NEPOTISM!

When the Mormons in Utah saw the way my Russian Mother was raising me they rolled their eyes and called her "That Crazy Foreign Woman." Mum was always the smartest, best educated, best looking and by far the best dressed person in every room. She looked like Ava Gardener with curly black hair and stunning blue eyes. Women hated her and men were terrified of her. Everyone from our cousin the governor on down knew her well enough to admire and fear her.

For a woman in misogynistic Mormondom, in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, my mum accomplished some truly amazing things. She taught me life wasn't about conformity. It was about discovering who you are and learning to love the person you are meant to be, no matter how eccentric, different or even gay.

As an adult, armed with the lessons my mum taught me, I found that quirky, somewhat eccentric individual I am and a world where people appreciated me for who I am. Though to be perfectly honest, during my childhood I often wondered if this mythical world really existed.

Most westerners think the end of Communism was the end of the story, but it wasn't, not for me, not for the Russians I loved and I left behind.

This episode is about the perils and pleasures of being gay in the Soviet Union and post communist Russia, the necessity of dealing with the KGB, particularly as a gay man, and the day to day realities of survival in the violent chaos that was Russia at that time.

This story is about that frazzled time in Russia after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the murders of my family, my boyfriend and my best friend. I realized it was finally time for me to leave Moscow defeated and alone. I finally understood the only way to honor the Russians I loved, both living and dead, was to leave them behind. Someone had to live the happy, contented life they could only ever dream of.

In this episode I compare Trumps successful tactics to Hitler during his early years as Chancellor of Germany.

I know Nazi history quite well. I speak German and lived in Germany for several years. The parallels between Hitler's first few years as Chancellor of Germany and Trump today are stunning and terrifying. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

What I'm most scared of is that time when one system of government starts to crumble and before the next system of government is fully in place to replace it. It's during the in-between time when liberals and minorities start getting arrested and then disappear, economies collapse, hyperinflation ensues, your life savings and your parents' retirement become worthless. There are homeless and starving people everywhere, chaos and violence become the norm.

I lived in Moscow during the collapse of the Soviet Union and watched the rise of the totalitarian regime that replaced communism and became today's Russia. My best friend and my boyfriend were both murdered in that in-between time. That's what I'm most scared of.  

I would have been among the first arrested in Nazi Germany. I'm a politically active liberal of Slavic descent. I'm terrified that my transgender friends and I are near the top of Trump's list as well. 

Trump arrested twice as many people in his first 8 months as Hitler in his first 2 years (based on White House stats). Over 65% of them have zero criminal record (based on Cato Institute stats). They were arrested because of the color of their skin (based on fact).

This is what I told the right wing YouTube journalist, Nick Shirley, when he interviewed me at a peaceful Portland rally where we were demonstrating against the military occupation of placid Portland. Of course he edited out the truth, the facts and made me look like an idiot.  

His skillfully edited video made it look like Portland truly is a war zone, populated by crazy old eccentric fags and transvestites. I'm very proud to say the second half of that statement is wonderfully true.  

Of course you youngins are such savvy media consumers. You didn't fall for it. I've been getting attaboy's and fist bumps from perfect strangers all week long. 

So, I made my own YouTube video, a long and short version. 

Find links to both below along with a link to Nick Shirley's video.

Short:

https://youtube.com/shorts/gxNREvEmN34?si=pjtmS-d1wylO_XGf

Long:

https://youtu.be/yUwQfC3kzfI?si=2WAnFxxxsDRmwoht

Nick Shirley:

https://youtu.be/RKBvEKvDYIg?si=4VM2mJVRyy7HCnUL

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

What was it like coming out as gay during the Reagan years and at the very beginning of the AIDS crisis? It was frightening. Anti-gay violence was rampant and getting worse. Most of society, even our president only ever mentioned us in jokes. The men we loved were dying in droves. We were constantly harassed, fired, even murdered and no one seemed to care.

Instead of hiding we followed the teachings of Harvey Milk and America's great civil rights heroes. We came out loud and proud. Why?

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"

There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

In this episode my friend Uncle Kerfuffle's mom shares her very touching story of love and admiration for her transgender son. She recalls how she embraced her son's decision to transition and became his greatest supporter and advocate. In one particularly poignant quote she says "I'm not worried that someday my child is going to come to me and say: Why did you listen to me? Why did you believe me?"

There are a few very rare and wonderful people in this world who seem to have an almost magical ability to use their love, gentility and kindness as a powerful, even unstoppable force for change and good in this world. Momma Kerfuffle is one of those miraculous people. Her love reminds me of a gentle mountain brook cutting a tranquil path through a wall of solid stone.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948

In this episode my fury, transgender friend Ali tells us about her move to Portland and her decision to transition. With honesty and openness she courageously gives us an enlightened understanding of what it's like being transgender in today's America.

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

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My furry friend Ali Wolf tells us about her personal journey as a transgender woman. Ali is by nature a very private person, however, in this interview she courageously opens a window to her soul. Ali discusses her struggles with body and gender dysphoria and how she decided to transition to her true and authentic self.

I am so very grateful to Ali for all she has taught me. If you want to better understand the trans experience this and the following episode are without a doubt can't miss podcasts. 

I need help raising money to purchase a badly needed computer to continue my podcast and my vital work promoting love, diversity and inclusion. Please go to my GoFundMe page to help out:

https://gofund.me/2cc2aa948