The thick mud, the weaving road. Matthew Hawk Mahoney shares mindfulness exercises, Buddhist stories, and the struggles of incorporating Zen Buddhism into modern life.

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2022/1/23/18/9dc40ced-7ed0-46c8-9059-41f6ae56be3e_master_buddhism_and_anger_pt_2.mp3

Welcome to the Imperfect Buddhist, where we discuss Mindfulness and Incorporating Zen Buddhism into everyday life. I&#39;m your host Matthew Hawk Mahoney, and today&#39;s episode is titled Buddhism &amp; Anger Pt. 2 So, I did it again! Outside of my body, I watched as my voice fell into a lower frequency, my volume raising as I said, &#34;This is bullshit!.&#34; My boss&#39;s eyes widened. My poor coworker was caught in the middle looking down and away from the zoom camera call. &#34;This is bullshit!&#34; I said, &#34;I refuse to accept this because it isn&#39;t fair. How about you thank me? Huh?&#34; I finished, my face tight with the fire beneath my skin. My boss calmly said, &#34;Alright, I will talk to you guys later.&#34; Hanging up. Now three days later, in the pit of my stomach, there is a weight, a sadness underneath the surface. The rage hangover. I know this now. I have seen this before. I look out of my window at the yellow Florida winter day. Tears well up in my eyes. Yes, I have seen this one before too. This experience is called Helplessness. I have been sitting every day for the last couple of years and practicing off and on for 11 years. I have also added exercise and cleaned up my diet. Yet, here I am, regretting my latest tantrum. I have told myself before, &#34;It&#39;s not worth it, Matt! This causes more problems than it solves.&#34; and yet here I am again, feeling hopeless. So, what is the wise answer here? Desirelessness is Moksha Liberation, one of my favorite sayings, but how does it apply here? Until recently, I could only use this concept after the tantrum, letting go of the desire for what happened to be anything other than what it was.  Digging for answers, typing in &#34;Sudden Anger&#34; into doctor google, a Reddit came up, as they usually do. A person talked in the post about her struggles with irrational and disproportionate bursts of anger while driving, which I also experience sometimes. In the comments, someone responded with something that hit home for me. They said, &#34;We get angry because there is something that we desire very strongly&#34; they continued, &#34;We want this so badly that we get angry to try and attain that thing or correct a certain behavior.&#34; What did I desire at that moment? I wanted my boss and coworker to see me as competent; I didn&#39;t want to be blamed for something I didn&#39;t do. I desired so badly that I burst out in anger, throwing a total rage fit. Where does Buddhism end and Mental Health counseling begin? This is a great question, one that I am still exploring. At times I get tastes of an answer; however, only small. Many masters say that we don&#39;t practice Zazen to change anything. Zazen allows us to come into contact with what is. Well, what is, is that I barf up these rage fits, usually out of nowhere, surprising myself and others. Full of regret, I feel isolated and without recourse. I seriously resolved in the past to shrug my shoulders and write it off as the imperfection of life, as promised by the buddha.  This is the trickiest Karmic pattern I have encountered yet. The second is jealousy, and the third is Nicotine. This one is challenging because it arises suddenly, strongly with what appears to be no premeditation. There is no buffer room from &#34;this upsets&#34; me to &#34;rage fit.&#34; Zen brings us into contact with what is. Sometimes seeing what is in the brilliance of clear sight can change the thing we see clearly. Other times, for instance, my current dilemma, more profound work will need to be done. The wise counsel of a trained professional. The wonderful thing about this latest outburst is that it puts me into contact with humility. Driving home after dropping my wife off at work, I put on the latest Imperfect Buddhist episode, Buddhism &amp; Resistance. What a juxtaposition. Starting the episode, I say calmly into the mic, &#34;Peace exists on the other side of your resistance.&#34; going on to share some insights about peace and letting go. Not one day after the episode was released, I am having a big anger outburst at work. Resisting my projected fears about inadequacy and blame. This practice has a way of humbling anyone who truly walks its path. Thank god I named this the Imperfect Buddhist Podcast! It makes it so much easier when I make a mistake. I can share my shortcomings with you. This latest outburst has brought up a lot of questions about Buddhism and what expectations I place on my practice. It brings up questions about how seriously to take my own Karma and the harm it causes others. It points to the soft underbelly of my practice, stating calmly and confidently, &#34;How &#39;awake&#39; are you now, Matt?.&#34; The illusion that if we are just mindful enough, sit enough, or are the perfect student that our own imperfections will vanish. That this practice will fix me and I will once and for all become perfect becomes apparent as an illusion, as a farce. This realization leaves me standing naked to my own shortcomings and the effort that will be necessary to form new habits. This concept reminds me of my wife, and I&#39;s favorite M. Scott Peck quote.&#34;Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful.&#34; Desirelessness. Such a touchy subject in Buddhism, for if we don&#39;t desire anything, how will we ever change? The trick is witnessing the things that are less than ideal in ourselves, non judgementally. If we approach the hurt part of ourselves that is harming others with a voice of condemnation, we inflict further pain on ourselves and continue the cycle.  This approach may be scary for the highly moral out there. I, like many others, believe the self scolding voice is necessary to keep me on a virtuous path. How would I know I have done wrong without this internal self-scolding dialogue? How will I not perpetuate this behavior in the future? We don&#39;t need the voice in our head to tell us what we did was wrong. Our bodies will tell us. Inside we have a fine-tuned compass that will tell us if our behavior is off in the weeds. If what we have done isn&#39;t in alignment with what is right. The trick is to let go of all this internal dialogue and rumination on our harmful behavior, make amends, and admit our shortcomings to those affected by our negative Karma. Then we pay attention to our internal compass, our &#34;gut,&#34; and begin the process of forming new, hopefully, more wholesome karmic patterns.  Another blessing of these anger outbursts is compassion. Who understands people who are physically violent with their partners or friends? I indeed never truly was. The gift of my anger imperfection allows me to see more clearly how automatic our Karma can be. How it can take hold so fast and ferociously that afterward, we are left clutching our tattered dignity and moral compass.  Some karma is so volatile, chemical, and buried. These patterns operate deep in one&#39;s psyche and subtle emotions. Bursting forth uncontrollably.  Embracing a more lighthearted approach to our deepest troubles allows room for grace. Yes, my anger issues are serious, but ultimately, in perspective, life is doing a dance through me, this one called anger, but now that I am becoming more aware of it, I become more responsible. Response able. The more I become aware of it, the more accountable I become; change can happen.  The trick here is that we aren&#39;t creating an identity out of the heaviest, most opaque parts of ourselves. We see these parts of ourselves and recognize them more and more for what they are. The more I become acquainted with my anger, the more I can greet it even in its most subtle forms. Hello anger, I see you dressed up as criticism today. Then I can ask, &#34;Why did you feel the need to dress up as criticism? Maybe anger would respond, &#34;Well, so and so didn&#39;t do this and that the way I needed!&#34; Then maybe I would ask, &#34;How do you feel when you criticize?&#34; and anger would say, &#34;Well, now my chest is a lot tighter, my jaw is clenched, and I didn&#39;t even get my way!&#34; I could follow up by asking, &#34;So was it worth it, anger, to criticize in the first place?&#34; This would really have to be one of my best days...  I feel more hope for myself and others encountering their own chemical karmic patterns.  I recognize that each moment will require something different from me and that I may actually be resisting the thing in front of me through inaction. See, I had this concept backward originally. I used to believe that simply recognizing the emotions within myself, seeing the desire for something to be other than what it was, would be enough. Sometimes that is all that is required. In this case, I never fully recognized what I was doing when a coworker disappointed me with their lack of communication skills residual frustration being stored away. These resentments building and stacking up until BAM! Rage Fit.  During a recent Imperfect Buddhist interview with Kakumyo, he mentioned that sometimes new Karma in the opposite direction of your old Karma can be helpful. Applying this, recently, an encounter came up at work, pushing the &#34;unfairness button&#34; within, only this time I saw the tension in my body and that familiar vortex within. I said, &#34;Oh! Time to tune in, Matt&#34; recognizing this as part of the resentment buildup phase of my rage-fit karmic pattern, I started some deep breathing practices. 5 1/2 seconds in 5 1/2 seconds out. Okay, body equalized now. Let&#39;s take inventory. Asking myself: What about this situation or interaction frustrated me? Oh! I feel my intelligence/integrity is being blamed for the disorganization of this job. Is this a valid frustration? Are others experiencing this? Okay, what would be proactive action to help solve this to make it better in the future? How can I ask for what I need? How can I contribute to the solution? Thanks so much for enjoying this episode. This one was hard to write as it isn&#39;t easy to admit one&#39;s shortcomings, but I want to share the complete picture of my experience on this side.  I hope you have a wonderful next couple of weeks, until next time, Matt. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Anger Pt. 2

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Peace exists on the other side of your resistance. The noise, talking, and eating of the holidays, A haze cast over the clearer vision I had developed with my practice. Awareness of wholeness seems to slip away little by little until I am binge eating all those sweets I swore I didn&#39;t want and rubbing my Magic the Gathering headache.How come the lived experience of peace is so easy to forget and the mechanical habits so enticing?Getting ready to head back to work after this long holiday break, I decided to get back into my regular sitting practice. Sitting down into my Zazen posture, it took only minutes until my awareness touched the confusion and irritation in my body. Becoming aware, I saw how the confusion in my body moved to churn thoughts in my head and this aversion to what was happening, resistance to what already was.The thoughts sounded like this:&#34;Why did you eat so much sugar? You&#39;re lazy. Why didn&#39;t you offer to help wash the dishes? You really feel like shit now, don&#39;t you? What is wrong with you?&#34;Seeing the energy and thoughts clearly, I smiled. I saw my mind flicker as if to say, &#34;Well, if you don&#39;t resist this, then what?&#34;As I let go of that thought, instant peace came over me. The &#34;negative feelings&#34; didn&#39;t change, but my awareness reclaimed its seat in freedom. I let go of the desire for this moment to be anything but what it was. Many teachers talk about this concept of naming what is happening in our bodies and minds. Here is an excerpt from an article on the website growmindfulness.com&#34;In his book, Mindsight, Dan Siegel argues that we &#34;Name It to Tame It&#34; – in other words, by naming our feelings, we are better able to control them or, at least, lessen their impact...To say &#34;I feel angry&#34; is a very different statement, both in content and impact, then the words &#34;I am angry&#34;. The latter tends to define us as angry people, whereas the former helps us to recognize that we are not our feelings – we are a lot more than what we feel. Feelings come and go in nature and intensity – our essence remains. Naming our emotions in a gentle, non-judgmental way affirms our self-worth and opens up the opportunity to master our feelings.&#34; - growmindfulness.com I like what was said here. However, I don&#39;t like the statement, &#34;master our feelings,&#34; as this continues the legacy of war between our thoughts and how we want things to be.As we become truly aware of what is happening in our bodies and minds and hold that truth in open awareness, there will be no need to &#34;Master our feelings.&#34; Once we encounter the truth in and around our complex emotions, that reality fundamentally changes the challenging emotion itself. Yes, better controlling our emotions is an admirable skill and is undoubtedly a by-product of Zazen. However, we don&#39;t sit in Zazen to change anything.Speaking of the distraction of the holidays, I like the idea of embracing distraction. I and many others have tapped purposefully on their phone screen, deleting Instagram and Facebook, writing a very heartfelt post to my friends explaining my decision to leave social media alone. All this to find myself redownloading the apps or sneaking a peek of Facebook through the browser.Embracing distraction as a lay practitioner may be the only way to go. It is a path of nonresistance. Can we find the middle path with all of this technology?If you&#39;ve found the path and been able to walk it, please let me know. I have yet to be able to walk it. The only skillful way to reclaim my attention and original Mind is through a regular sitting practice. After all of the holiday noise, food, and waves of experiences, it is easy to get pulled back into the flow and pushed around by things. If we have a regular sitting practice, we build our reconnection to original Mind into our schedules. We remove the stumbling block of missed Zazen practice by ensuring our reconnection to the Dharma through regular, scheduled training.Just like when we were kids, our parents repeatedly reminded us to brush our teeth until the habit was clearly formed, every morning and night. We must be our own good parents and develop the habit of Zazen. We brush our teeth to avoid cavities and decay. We sit Zazen to reconnect us with our Original Mind.Why do we resist? We resist out of our illusion of control. We believe that by fighting something, we can avoid it or change it. However, the reality is that what we resist persists. My wife brought up to me over the holidays her frustration with a comment someone close to her made; when she told them about her struggles with PMDD, they said, &#34;Well, you just have to choose to not take it personally.&#34; This really frustrated her, as I assume it would have for most people.I wonder if they have some different machinery than me? Maybe some people really can control their thoughts and emotions with precision like that. I, however, cannot.The only thing that has led to any peace for me is fully becoming aware in those moments when I feel attacked, offended, or hurt. I cannot turn these emotions or thoughts off, but I have trained my awareness system to kick on faster and faster when these emotional bumps come along. The more I become aware of and see these emotions and thoughts for what they are, they change, and my sense of self grows larger.For instance, instead of being solely the experience of being offended by a side comment someone made, I am now simultaneously both offended by a comment someone made and aware of swinging around an unimaginably hot ball of gas whirling ever out into the blackness of space. It is the realized concept of &#34;This Too.&#34;Soaking our attention in the stillness of Zazen allows our &#34;Orignal Mind&#34; to be uncovered. I have mentioned this term original mind a couple of times. Here is an excerpt from one of Shodo Harada Rōshis writings, titled, Original Mind. He writes:&#34;In Buddhism, it&#39;s often said that humans&#39; Original Mind, that Mind we have at birth, is like a clear mirror, pure and uncluttered, without shape, form, or color, with nothing in it whatsoever. If something comes before it, the mirror reflects it precisely, but the mirror itself gives birth to nothing. If what has been reflected leaves, its image disappears, but the mirror itself loses nothing. Within the mirror, there is no birth, no death. No matter how dirty a thing that is reflected might be, the mirror doesn&#39;t get dirty, nor does it become beautiful because something beautiful is reflected in it.Just because additional things are reflected, that doesn&#39;t mean anything increases in the mirror itself, nor does anything ever decrease when fewer objects are reflected. A mirror is without increase or decrease.Humans&#39; pure Original Nature is just this. Without shape, form, or color; without birth and death; not clean or dirty; not increasing or decreasing; not male or female; not young, not old; not intelligent, not stupid; not rich, not poor. There are no words, no explanation possible, no description that will apply here, only a pure mirror-like base. This is humans&#39; true quality; this is an actual experience. From our Zazen (sitting meditation), cut all nen (mind-instants), dig down completely to the source of those nen—dig, dig, dig until we reach the place where the human character has been totally cleared. When the source point is reached, this state of Mind can be touched.&#34;By Shodo Harada Rōshis &#34;No matter how dirty a thing that is reflected might be, the mirror doesn&#39;t get dirty, nor does it become beautiful because something beautiful is reflected in it.&#34;We resist what appears in the mirror out of a desire to deny the thing being reflected. We aren&#39;t fully aware of our true identity as the mirror yet and mistake ourselves as the reflected object. As mentioned by Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now, a lot of our identity is wrapped up in these negative parts of ourselves.Even though a particular aspect of our thinking and belief system causes us much pain and trouble in our lives, we may still cling to it. Why is this?It comes from the strength of the ego. The part of us that fears annihilation, desperately grasping for something solid. A deep well of fear can open up in someone as they start to look behind the curtain of their most well-orchestrated negative concepts of reality. So then, resistance can manifest in multiple forms. One is our avoidance of facing and feeling something. Another is our inability to let a specific aspect of our beliefs dissolve, negative as they may be. We fear stepping into beginners&#39; Mind because of our fear of annihilation. We want so badly to control our version, our narrative of reality, that we will create multitudes of reasons why this practice is stupid, how it&#39;s not working, or downright unsafe!We fear letting go because we haven&#39;t experienced the freedom of our original Mind yet, the peace of letting go.One of the cliches worth mentioning here is Gandhi&#39;s quote, &#34;There is no path to peace. Peace is the path.&#34; When I say, &#34;Peace exists on the other side of your resistance.&#34; I don&#39;t mean that you will have peace once you do this or that other thing. I mean that peace is available to you now, but you must stop resisting, easier said than done, right? This is where Zazen comes in.When we practice Zazen, we cultivate the ability to hold our experiences in equanimity or open awareness. Zazen practice trains our minds to hold experiences from the witnessing perspective. That&#39;s why many teachers have students start with watching their breath. There isn&#39;t much to judge about our breath, good or bad. It just is. Over time we develop this ability to witness, and we can take this attention to other aspects of our experience. Now we can see our sadness, loneliness, anger, or physical pain with equanimity, with the open awareness we have cultivated.I first learned about the concept of Witnessing Presence while reading Eckhart Tolles The Power of Now. In it, he says:&#34;The good news is that you can free yourself from your Mind. This is the only true liberation. You can take the first step right now. Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years. This is what I mean by &#34;watching the thinker,&#34; which is another way of saying: listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.When you listen to that voice, listen to it impartially. That is to say, do not judge. Do not judge or condemn what you hear, for doing so would mean that the same voice has come in again through the back door. You&#39;ll soon realize: there is the voice, and here I am listening to it, watching it. This I am realization, this sense of your own presence, is not a thought. It arises from beyond the Mind.So when you listen to a thought, you are aware not only of the thought but also of yourself as the witness of the thought. A new dimension of consciousness has come in. As you listen to the thought, you feel a conscious presence — your deeper self — behind or underneath the thought, as it were. The thought then loses its power over you and quickly subsides, because you are no longer energizing the Mind through identification with it. This is the beginning of the end of involuntary and compulsive thinking.&#34; - Eckhart Tolle.Repetitive thoughts followed by cycles of guilt haunted me as I read the power of now for the first time 12 years ago. I had never heard of &#34;mindfulness&#34; or practiced mediation before. Still, as I sat there on my parent&#39;s patio by the river, I remember this odd practice of continuously bringing my attention back to the sound of the river rushing by beneath me. I felt wholly relieved to read that I was not my thoughts and that there was an ancient practice available for slowing the Mind and moving through suffering. My Mind was a whirlwind of pain and medications were no longer an option. I remember Eckhart urging me from the pages to turn towards my pain, to watch the repetitive thoughts and painful cycles with the eyes of the witness (nonjudgmental presence.) To be honest, it didn&#39;t make a lot of sense, but I pursued the instructions with such vigor because of the pain I was in.Little breakthroughs began to happen. I remember looking up at the blue sky with little whisps of clouds stretching out behind a giant pine tree and feeling connected to the presence and beauty of that moment. My worrying Mind was paused for that instant.  So far, after 12 years of off-and-on practice, I can say this. Something is happening to how I meet my life. When worry, grief, anger, or confusion set in, a new dimension is available to me. A spaciousness in and around the troubling emotions. Paraphrasing a quote, I read, &#34;It feels that I have moved from a cramped apartment into an airplane hanger. I still have all of the same stuff, but now there is a whole lot more room!&#34;I enjoyed making this one and sharing it with you. I am experimenting with writing out my episodes again. Thinking on my biggest struggle with this podcast, it is consistency. I want to provide you with a consistent release schedule, but I worry it will stretch the content too thin. I will experiment on it! What did you think?I hope you have a wonderful week! Until next time.Matt Source: https://growmindfulness.com/naming-your-feelings-to-tame-them/ Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Resistance

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Today I am interviewing the Abbot of Dharma Rain Zen Temple, in Portland Oregon, Kakumyo Lowe Charde.Kakumyo has been practicing Zen Buddhism for over twenty years and has been a full-time monk for that entire time.Today&#39;s episode is special for me to share with you. Kakumyo is the first teacher with which I have ever worked. My sessions with him led me to more profound experiences in my practice. Rounding out this two-year season one experience with this episode feels right! Next year, I am very excited to meet you with all-new episodes for season two of The Imperfect Buddhist!Please enjoy this interview with Kakumyo Lowe-Charde. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Interview: Kakumyo Lowe-Charde

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Present moment awareness or the practice of Buddhism, along with Zazen, which is seated meditation, brings us into contact with our life, into contact with ourselves and our experience. Zazen strips away the labels that we approach our life with and opens us up for an adventure. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & The Adventure of Dharma

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I Found a Dead FoxMary Oliver I found a dead foxbeside the gravel road,curled inside the bigiron wheelof an old tractorthat has been standing,for years,in the vines at the edgeof the road.I don&#39;t knowwhat happened to it-when it came thereor why it lay downfor good, settlingits narrow chinon the rusted rimof the iron wheelto look outover the fields,and that way died-but I knowthis: its posture-of looking,to the last possible moment,back into the world-made me wantto sing somethingjoyous and tenderabout foxes.But what happened is this-when I began,when I crawled inthrough the honeysuckleand lay downcurling my long spineinside that cold wheel,and touched the dead fox,and looked outinto the wide fields,the foxvanished.There was only myselfand the world,and it was Iwho was leaving.And what could I singthen?Oh, beautiful world!I just lay thereand looked at it.And then it grew dark.That day was done with.And then the stars stepped forthand held up their appointedfires-those hot, hardwatchmen of the night. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Suffering

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Take time to pray. It is the sweet oil that eases the hinge into the garden so that the doorway can swing open easily. You can always go there. Consider yourself blessed. These stones that break your bones will build the altar of your love. Your home is the garden. Carry its odor hidden in you into the city. Suddenly your enemies will buy seed packs and fall to their knees to plant flowers in the dirt by the road. They&#39;ll call you friend and honor your passing among them. When asked who was that they will say, oh, that one has been beloved by us since before time began this from people who would have trampled over you to maintain their advantage. Give everything away, except your garden, your worry, your fear, your small-mindedness. Your garden can never be taken from you. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Coming Home to Ourselves

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Buddhism & Life Purpose

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&#34;Without the precepts as guidelines, Zen Buddhism tends to become a hobby, made to fit the needs of the ego.&#34; - Aitken Roshi Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Meditating On The 16 Bodhisattva Precepts

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The early morning light lays on my face like a warm towel, I roll over to check the time. 7am on a friday, also my day off. A bouancy sways within as I make my way to the bathroom, the filling sound of my pee hitting the water in the toilette.“Bye babe!” I say, kissing my wife on the cheek. “Where are you going,” she responds. “I’m going to work out!”Driving that old cement road surrounded by KFC, Taco Bell and Walmart. Driving that road, that many time’s, in the privacy of my own head I had said “god this road is ugly, I would hate to end up living over here..,” Driving this written off road somhting else peeked through from the other side. A welling up of energy in my abdomen, a connection to the fabric of the beauty and divinity off all life, even this. Even among this cemented altar to the consumerist gods the connection to truth and beauty was still present. Oh, but how are we to find the beauty in what’s ugly, the strength in the weakness, the healing in the sickness and the sanity in the insanity? One of life’s greatest paradoxes.In Zen Buddhism, we are encouraged to embrace this paradox. Many practices in Zen Buddhsim are designed to ignite this feeling of paradox in practiioners. The Zen Koan for isntance. A Koan is a phrase given from a Zen Teacher to a student. One of the most famouse Koans is “What’s the sound of one hand clapping?” is there a logical answer to this? Koans are practiced by holding them in the feild of your open awareness during meditation, suddenly the truth is revealed when we let go of our logical minds and see what’s true.“That was rude!” My voice and chest tighttend as my eyes squinted. “What… ?” my boss said, her arms crossing, protecting her chest. “I asked if you wanted a water bottle and you said ‘I have one’ in a pissy voice…” Sounds like a small thing to get upset about, eh? Well I got upset about it only a couple weeks ago… A man that can see the humor of our little storylines, meditates and does a podcast on buddhism that also get’s upset over somthing as small as someones response to his gesture of water bottle kindness? Yup… Being aware of our stories and struggles doesnt remove us from them.In closing I will leave you with this quote from Jack Kornfields A Path With Heart:“When the stories of our life no longer bind us, we discover within them something greater. We discover that within the very limitations of form, of our maleness and femaleness, of our parenthood and our childhood, of gravity on the earth and the changing of the seasons, is the freedom and harmony we have sought for so long. Our individual life is an expression of the whole mystery, and in it we can rest in the center of the movement, the center of all worlds.”― Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual LifeYes, I am aware that my episodes have been much shorter. But in keeping with what is truthful this is all that I had to say. Have a wonderful week! Bye. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Paradox

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In this episode Matthew Hawk Mahoney reads a chapter from Shunryu Suzukis book Not Always So.&#34;... And during zazen, sometimes, you will hear the bird singing. That is something arise in your practice. In the same way, in our everyday life, many things will arise. But if you know from where those things happen, you will not be disturbed by it. Because [laughs] you don&#39;t know how it happens, you lose your confidence in your life. If you know how things happens to you—&#34;Oh!&#34;—you know. And the moment something happens you will be ready for that: &#34;Oh, something is arising&#34;—[laughs]—like you watch the sunrise: &#34;Oh, the sun is just coming up.&#34; &#34; Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Shunryu Suzuki - Everyday Life is Like a Movie

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In today&#39;s episode, we will be discussing float tanks and people&#39;s aversion to being alone with their own thoughts. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Being with Ourselves

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In this episode, we discuss Buddhism and its relation to feeling stuck in a career. We all have moments where we question what we’re doing with our lives, right? That feeling deep inside, the mind tossing and turning, asking “Aren’t I capable of more?”. A feeling of being stuck in one&#39;s work and career circumstances is real and a true existential crisis. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Career

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In this episode, we discuss the spirituality of creativity with Les Stroud.Many of you probably know Les from his hit show Survivorman on the Discovery Channel. We&#39;re so excited to share this episode with you. Les is so much more than a survival expert with a hit t.v show. He’s a musician, entrepreneur, and high-level creative being. Perhaps you’re asking how this all ties into Buddhism… We can’t answer that directly but what we can point to is the connection between present moment awareness, or meditative mind, and spontaneous creativity.Look to Zen Calligraphy and the famous Enso. Usually, a person draws the ensō in one fluid, expressive stroke. When drawn according to the sōsho (cursive) style of Japanese calligraphy, the brushstroke is especially swift. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Survivorman - Creativity, Perseverance & Letting Go with Les Stroud

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In this interview, we will be discussing the peace found between our thoughts, Christianity and Buddhism, and not being so hard on ourselves as a new mediator. Today we’re talking with my good friend Rick Terwilliger. After weathering the ever-present mist wall in portland Oregon I moved south to Grants Pass, OR where my family still resided. There in this small Christian town, I discovered.. a ZEN CENTER???Growing up in the hills of southern Oregon as mentioned in other episodes, was a mix of 70% Christianity ideals and 30% remnants left over from the pot-smoking hippies of the ’70s… but zen… zen was unheard of in this little town.Rick a lifetime practitioner created Merging Rivers zen center to help share the message of mindfulness meditation with this small community.Let’s jump into the interview with Rick… Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

In between the thoughts, there is a silence - Interview #2 - Rick Terwilliger

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Reviewing the last couple of episodes I have noticed a theme. Heavy subjects such as Social Anxiety, suicide, and Anger. All real things. Completely valid topics that need to be discussed if we are to heal as human beings. But Joy, The Joy of being, also needs to be mentioned. For what is the result of all of this meditative work? We have discussed it in previous episodes, in Buddhism it’s called “Big Mind”.  Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & The Joy of Being

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In this episode, Matthew discusses Zazen and Zen practice with Jyozen Anjyu. Jyozen Anjyu is the abbott of Kanzeonji, a Zen temple in southern California. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Jyozen Anjyu - Interview

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So often we get caught in the words. In the zen phrases. Our lips moving while or mindfulness is nowhere to be found. I don’t have much to say right now so It’s a great time for us to connect with what is through a period of mindful practice. Join Matthew Hawk Mahoney as he guides you through 10 minutes of mindful practice. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Meditation #001 - Just Sitting, Just This

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Cheeks stinging a bit as the patio door slams behind me. Puffs of hot air turn gray as I exhale. Lights twinkle on the eves of the large colonial bungalows that line the sidewalks of my neighborhood. The change to cold weather and Rudolph the red nose reindeer playing at the Publix supermarket signal more than just that Christmas is around the corner. Along with the freezing of the small bodies of water comes a chill to my cheeriness and tears that roll down my cheeks as I drive back from lunch break.In this Episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discusses the Buddhist concept of leaving nothing out. Sharing personal stories and insights along the Lay Zen Buddhist path. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Buddhism & Leaving Nothing Out

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A tightness in my chest. Tension buzzing in the background, somewhere. Coming back to my breath I feel what&#39;s going on inside.“Do they like, me? Why didn&#39;t anyone say goodbye as I was leaving today? Shit, was it because I said that earlier?” the mind spins like the smoke from a flame.In this episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discusses working with the fear of fitting in. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

A tightness in my chest. Tension buzzing in the background, somewhere. Coming back to my breath I feel what's going on inside.

“Do they like, me? Why didn't anyone say goodbye as I was leaving today? Shit, was it because I said that earlier?” the mind spins like the smoke from a flame.

In this episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discusses working with the fear of fitting in.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations

Buddhism & The Fear of Fitting In

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Burning, craving welling up from within. Hand trembling as it reaches for another cigarette. In this episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discussed Buddhism and addictive behavior. Sharing personal stories and experiences. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Burning, craving welling up from within. Hand trembling as it reaches for another cigarette. In this episode, Mattew Hawk Mahoney discussed Buddhism and addictive behavior. Sharing personal stories and experiences.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations

Buddhism & The Karma of Addiction

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Screaming from across the political aisle, heat from the fires started by protesters melting the glass. In this episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discusses the concept of the middle path in Zen Buddhism. The struggle to incorporate the beginners mind in a society that want&#39;s us divided through politics and ideology. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Screaming from across the political aisle, Heat from the fires started by protesters melting the glass. In this episode, Matthew Hawk Mahoney discusses the concept of the middle path in Zen Buddhism. The struggle to incorporate the beginner's mind in a society that wants us divided through politics and ideology.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations

Buddhism & Embracing the Middle Path

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Pushed and falling over the edge, the fire inside consuming us. In this episode, we discuss anger and how it fits into our mindfulness practices. Can I be a Buddhist and still experience anger? Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

Pushed and falling over the edge, the fire inside consuming us. In this episode, we discuss anger and how it fits into our mindfulness practices. Can I be a Buddhist and still experience anger?

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations

Buddhism & Anger

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A whirlwind of anxiety and looming obsessive compulsive images pushed me into the practice of mindfulness. Here I am 10 years later still practicing. Support this podcast at — <a rel='payment' href='https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations'>https://redcircle.com/the-imperfect-buddhist/donations</a>

An introduction to The Imperfect Buddhist.

Introductions and My Practice History

Stories and struggles of incorporating Zen Buddhism into modern life.