18: Why We Love the Way We Do (Symptoms & Diagnosis Series: Attachment)
Why do some relationships feel safe and easy while others leave us anxious, distant, confused, or desperately trying to hold on?
In this episode, Amy and Brittney dig into attachment and the ways our earliest relationships can shape how we connect with other people throughout our lives. Brittney explains the difference between bonding and attachment, what children actually need from their caregivers, and how those needs can affect our relationships long after childhood.
They break down secure attachment and the three types of insecure attachment: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Along the way, they talk about why familiar relationship patterns can be so difficult to recognize, how attachment wounds can get passed from one generation to the next, and why our childhood experiences can continue showing up in adult relationships even when we have no idea they're running the show.
They also explore some attachment needs that may sound simple but can have a huge impact, including healthy limits and boundaries, validation, reassurance, loving correction, emotional attunement, and simply delighting in a child for being who they are.
And because discovering your own “attachment junk” isn't exactly the cheeriest revelation, Brittney explains why none of this means we're permanently stuck with the patterns we learned growing up. Attachment wounds can be worked on, and approaches including EMDR and ego state work can help adults begin meeting needs that weren't met earlier in life.
Because, as Amy puts it, everybody's got some sh*t they gotta work out.
Content note: This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, sexual abuse, trauma, dysfunctional family relationships, and other potentially sensitive topics.
This Way In is a conversation about mental health and everyday well-being, but it is not therapy. The information shared is for educational and entertainment purposes only and should not replace care or advice from a qualified mental health professional.
Chapter Markers
00:00 Intro
01:30 What is Attachment
02:44 Bonding and Attachment
04:42 Boy Mom Tangent
06:52 Types of Attachment
18:12 Attachment in Relationships
19:25 Attachment Junk
20:39 Diagnoses for Attachment Trauma
22:42 Importance of Social Support
32:31 List of Attachment Needs
43:33 Other Attachment Needs from Parents
46:44 Attachment is Tricky
49:36 First Five Years
50:17 Being Attuned to Your Child
54:26 Not Taught in School
56:16 Disclaimer and Credits
Episode links:
Ego State Therapy Interventions to Prepare Attachment-Wounded Adults for EMDR by Shirley Jean Schmidt
The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy: An Ego State Therapy for Healing Adults with Childhood Trauma and Attachment Wounds by Shirley Jean Schmidt
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This episode was recorded on August 19, 2026 and released on September 23, 2026.
