Sue Chandler: Understanding Behaviour to Deepen Connection | Episode 170
38m | Jul 27, 2026"Perhaps one of the most powerful shifts we can make is moving from judgement to curiosity." Sue Chandler
What if the way we interpret behaviour matters more than the behaviour itself?
Every day in schools, educators navigate challenging conversations with students, colleagues and families. When emotions are running high, it's easy to make assumptions, become defensive or jump straight into problem solving. But what if there was another way?
In this episode, Meg Durham sits down with educator, counsellor and author Sue Chandler to discuss her new book, The Relational School: From Behaviour Management to Cultural Transformation., published by Amba Press.
Together, they explore what it means to develop a relational mindset, how our assumptions about human behaviour shape every interaction, and why understanding our own "biography of discipline" is key to navigating relationship challenges more effectively.
Sue shares practical conversation frameworks that help us move from judgement to curiosity, strengthen accountability without damaging relationships, and create school cultures where connection, trust and compassion are embedded in everyday practice.
Whether you're a teacher, school leader or school support staff member, this conversation will challenge the way you think about behaviour, relationships and the role you play in shaping school culture.
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In this episode, you'll learn:
- What a relational mindset is and why it matters.
- How our assumptions about behaviour influence our responses.
- Why your past influences your present relationships.
- How to move from judgement to curiosity during difficult conversations.
- Practical conversation starters and listening strategies that build trust and accountability.
- Why strong relationships are built through deliberate, everyday actions rather than perfect conversations.
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Chapter Markers:
- 01:00 Why Sue wrote The Relational School
- 04:20 What is a relational mindset?
- 07:00 How our assumptions shape behaviour conversations
- 10:00 Understanding your biography of discipline
- 13:00 The four ways of working through relationship challenges
- 18:00 Accountability without damaging relationships
- 21:30 Moving from judgement to curiosity
- 28:00 The gap between expectations and escalation
- 33:00 Practical conversation scripts that build trust
- 40:30 Final reflections and key takeaways
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Reflection prompts:
- I notice myself making assumptions when...
- One way my biography of discipline influences my relationships is...
- I will give myself permission to...
- Before my next important conversation, I will...
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Episode 170 Shownotes – Click here
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Sue Chandler – Website | LinkedIn | The Relational School: From Behaviour Management to Cultural Transformation
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Meg Durham - Website | LinkedIn | Instagram
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Your Questions Answered:
What is a relational mindset?
A relational mindset is the belief that behaviour can only be understood in context. Rather than making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, it invites us to become curious about another person's thoughts, feelings and experiences before deciding how to respond.
As Sue Chandler explains, a relational mindset doesn't lower expectations or avoid accountability. Instead, it combines high expectations with empathy, curiosity and a commitment to strengthening relationships, even when conversations are difficult.
How can educators move from judgement to curiosity?
Moving from judgement to curiosity begins with recognising the stories we are telling ourselves about another person's behaviour. Instead of assuming we know why someone acted the way they did, we pause, ask open questions and genuinely seek to understand their perspective.
Sue shares practical conversation starters such as "I've noticed..." and "I'm curious about...", along with simple questioning techniques that help educators create psychological safety, build trust and solve problems collaboratively.
Why do relationship challenges escalate in schools?
Relationship challenges often escalate because there is a gap between our expectations and reality. When expectations aren't met, adults can quickly become frustrated, tighten control or move into problem solving before fully understanding what is happening for the other person.
By slowing down, becoming aware of our own emotional responses and approaching conversations with curiosity rather than judgement, educators can strengthen relationships, support accountability and often prevent small issues from becoming much bigger ones.
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