Why We Get Defensive, People-Please or Shut Down in Relationships | Joni L. Davis (Episode 35)
Before You Send That Text: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Triggered: https://www.patreon.com/TheInnerScript/posts/169748429
Why can one comment from your partner make you instantly defensive, shut down, people-please, or feel desperate to prove your point? In this episode of The Inner Script, Stephanie Baubie, NP sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist and author Joni L. Davis to explore how childhood and developmental experiences can shape the way we handle conflict as adults. Joni explains why defensiveness may have more to do with the fears underneath an argument than the argument itself, how unmet emotional needs can follow us into relationships, and why validation can completely change a difficult conversation. They also explore people-pleasing, shutting down during conflict, emotional triggers, vulnerability, and how becoming curious about your reactions can help you communicate from a more authentic place.
This Episode Is For You If:
- You get defensive, shut down, people-please, or become reactive during conflict.
- You find yourself trying to prove your point or needing someone else to understand why you’re upset.
- You want to understand how childhood patterns may still be influencing your adult relationships.
Connect with Stephanie Baubie, NP:
- Learn more: https://www.stephaniebaubie.com
- Join the Patreon community (for FREE): https://www.patreon.com/cw/TheInnerScript
- Share your thoughts, questions, or story with Stephanie. Follow along on Instagram at @theinnerscriptpod: https://www.instagram.com/theinnerscriptpod/
Timestamps
(00:00) How childhood follows us
(03:33) Essence vs. defenses
(07:11) Why we get defensive
(10:45) What counts as developmental trauma?
(13:11) Breaking the cycle
(19:42) Validation during conflict
(25:16) Are you managing their emotions?
(27:04) Why some people shut down
(31:00) Becoming the observer
(37:31) Triggers, boundaries and repair
About Joni L. Davis
Joni L. Davis is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in childhood and developmental trauma, complex PTSD, relationships, and body-centered awareness. She is also the author of the new book Transform. Joni is passionate about helping people understand how childhood and developmental experiences can shape the way we see ourselves, navigate relationships, respond to stress, and make choices as adults.
Connect with Joni:
- Website: https://www.jonildavis.com/about-joni
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/transformationships/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61589595245559
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joni-l-davis-745a07410/
- Transform: https://www.amazon.com/Transform-Tune-Turn-Your-Authentic/dp/B0GY28YLP3/
Disclaimer: Everything shared here is for educational purposes and personal reflection only. Not medical advice. Always work with your own healthcare provider for individual care.
Podcast production by Jamie Brooke.
