Emotional Intelligence, Part 1: Self-Awareness
20m | Aug 24, 2026Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and to understand and influence the emotions of other people. It breaks into four parts: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and social management. This episode is part one of four, and it covers self-awareness.
Ashleigh Mayfield defines self-awareness as the ability to see yourself accurately even when it isn't flattering, and makes the case that most people's biggest obstacle is not their circumstances, their past, or their boss — it's themselves. She tells the story of shutting down her husband Jason's ideas for years without listening, the day he told her she was a dream killer, and what she had to admit afterward: that she was projecting her own insecurities and calling it encouragement.
She then covers three practical ways to build self-awareness: asking "why did that bother me?" instead of reacting, asking other people for honest feedback and not defending yourself when you get it, and journaling to find the pattern underneath a repeated emotional reaction.
Also in this episode: why a low-EQ woman believes things happen to her while a high-EQ woman knows she controls her response, why people trust predictable leaders, what happened when Ashleigh sent 13 leaders a non-anonymous form asking them to critique her leadership, and why "I'm just being honest" is often just rude.
CHAPTERS
0:00 Hey, hey, everybody
0:30 Win a free one-on-one coaching call
1:16 Why a four-part series on emotional intelligence
2:05 The hard truth: I was my own biggest problem
3:40 What emotional intelligence actually means
4:10 The four parts of emotional intelligence
4:46 Low EQ vs. high EQ: who's really in control
5:18 Four questions to gauge where you are
6:00 What a lack of emotional intelligence costs you
7:12 Why people trust a predictable leader
7:54 So what is self-awareness?
8:46 My husband Jason and the dreams I shut down
9:29 "You're a dream killer"
10:39 Your biggest problem is also your biggest solution
11:38 Do other people's opinions pay your bills?
13:04 You cannot lead what you cannot see
15:09 Extreme ownership changed everything
15:48 Habit 1: "Why did that bother me?"
16:44 Habit 2: Ask for honest feedback
17:28 What 13 leaders told me about my leadership
18:40 Habit 3: Journal to find the pattern
20:02 Self-awareness is a muscle
Mentioned in this episode: Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink.
Leave a five-star review, screenshot it, and tag @theashleighmayfield to be entered to win a 30-45 minute one-on-one coaching call. Drawing at the end of the month.
