Emotional Intelligence: Self-Management (Part 2 of 4)
19m | Aug 31, 2026Part 2 of a four-part series on emotional intelligence. This episode covers self-management: the ability to control what you are feeling when you are feeling it.
Self-management is not about ignoring your feelings or pretending they do not exist. It is about making sure your emotions do not negatively run or ruin your life. Ashleigh describes it as creating a pocket of space between what you feel and how you respond.
Ashleigh tells the story of a 2018 company conference where her leader moved nine lanes down at a bowling alley event, leaving her at a lane with only her husband and one team member. She explains what she felt in that moment, why she chose not to leave, and how that single decision led to a twenty-minute conversation with the founder of her company. Thirteen months later her monthly income went from about $4,000 to $48,000 in one month.
She also covers what poor self-management costs you in leadership, why people value a predictable leader, and what growing up in an unpredictable household taught her about walking on eggshells.
The episode closes with three techniques for developing self-management:
1. Change your location. Get up, leave the room, take a walk, breathe different air before you react.
2. Box breathing. Inhale for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, tracing a box in your mind's eye to calm your nervous system.
3. Sleep on it. You do not need to respond immediately. Wait a day, a few days, or a week before you address the situation.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Welcome back — and thank you for the reviews
00:19 Leave a review, win a one-on-one coaching session
00:55 Where we are in the four-part emotional intelligence series
01:14 The one I was worst at
01:34 Self-management is not about ignoring your feelings
02:20 When one bad comment could ruin my entire day
02:50 "I'm a serial quitter"
03:58 Splitsville: the incentive I qualified for
05:13 My leader moved nine lanes down
06:01 "This is a moment that makes you feel inadequate, isn't it?"
07:23 Fixing my face and asking strangers to bowl
08:23 The leader who said "I'm gonna stay with you"
08:48 The founder of the company walks in
10:13 $4,000 a month to $48,000 in one month
10:59 Self-management, defined
12:28 The pocket of space between what you feel and what you do
13:22 Growing up in an unpredictable household
15:37 Tip 1: Change your location
16:14 Tip 2: Box breathing
18:02 Tip 3: Sleep on it
19:32 It's a muscle you build every day
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The High Achieving Woman with Ashleigh Mayfield. Over 10 years coaching high-achieving women in personal leadership, business, and the messy middle between the career you have and the calling you cannot shake.
