Why Do I Feel Like I Have to Explain Myself? | When Did Explaining Become Asking for Permission?

When does explaining yourself stop being communication—and start becoming a request for permission?

In this episode of Patio Talks, Gissell and Charleston explore the difference between keeping people informed, seeking approval, and feeling like every decision you make needs a defense.

Charleston reflects on how, growing up, he often explained his choices to his mother and grandfather because their approval mattered to him. From joining chess and sports to choosing friendships, he realized that many of those conversations weren’t just about communication—they were about whether the people he respected believed he was making the right choice.

As an adult, that changed.

The conversation turns toward relationships, where Gissell and Charleston discuss whether partners owe each other explanations for major decisions, and why communication matters when a choice affects the life two people are building together.

They also challenge the idea that “I don’t owe anybody an explanation” is always healthy.

Sometimes an explanation is not about permission at all.

Sometimes it is about accountability, respect, trust, and alignment.

Charleston brings his leadership experience into the conversation, explaining why certain workplace decisions require approval and accountability, while Gissell reconsiders her own answer when they talk about decisions that affect children, finances, and the household.

The episode gets more personal as both reflect on the people whose approval shaped them growing up, the decisions they no longer feel responsible for defending, and what it means to finally make choices based on who they are today rather than who someone else expected them to become.

Because everybody does not have to understand your decision for it to be the right decision for you.

But growing into your own life also means learning the difference between:

“I want you to understand me.”

and

“I need you to approve of me.”

In This Episode

• Why we feel the need to explain our decisions
• The difference between communication and seeking approval
• How childhood shapes whose opinion matters to us
• Whether partners owe each other explanations
• Dating casually vs. building a life with someone
• Why accountability is different from asking permission
• When “I don’t owe anybody an explanation” goes too far
• Making decisions that affect children, finances, and relationships
• Charleston’s experience carrying his grandfather’s guidance into adulthood
• Learning to make decisions for yourself
• What Gissell and Charleston have stopped explaining
• Why personal growth does not require everyone else’s understanding

Today’s Patio Question

When did explaining yourself become asking for permission?

And before you go:

What decision would you stop defending if you finally accepted that everybody doesn’t have to understand it?

About Patio Talks

Patio Talks is a weekly conversation hosted by Gissell and Charleston , where every episode begins with one meaningful question.

Together, they explore real-life experiences, relationships, leadership, identity, healing, purpose, and personal growth through honest conversations that invite listeners to think differently about their own lives.

Because sometimes the right question changes everything.

Support Patio Talks ☕

If Patio Talks has made you think, reflect, laugh, or see something in your own life differently, you can support the show through Buy Me a Coffee.

https://buymeacoffee.com/patiotalks

Disclaimer

The views and experiences shared on Patio Talks are based on our personal lives, observations, and opinions. We are not licensed therapists, counselors, medical professionals, or legal advisors. Nothing shared in this episode should be considered professional advice. Our goal is simply to share conversations, experiences, and perspectives that invite reflection.

Keywords

explaining yourself, seeking approval, people pleasing, asking permission, communication in relationships, relationship communication, accountability, trust, family expectations, parental approval, self-confidence, personal growth, decision making, boundaries, self-worth, adulthood, relationships, leadership, living authentically, Patio Talks

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