326 | you can be a christian, set boundaries AND be a good person: people pleasing, self trust & burnout w/ therapist sarah underbrink
39m | Sep 14, 2026What if setting a boundary doesn't make you mean or a “bad Christian” — but is actually a way of honoring yourself, your nervous system, and the life God has given you?
In this episode, Devoney sits down with Christian therapist and licensed minister Sarah Underbrink to unpack the connection between faith, mental health, boundaries, people-pleasing, burnout, confidence, and nervous system regulation.
If you're a high-achieving woman who constantly says yes, worries about disappointing people, over-explains your decisions, or feels guilty for needing rest and space, this conversation is for you.
Together, Devoney and Sarah explore why people-pleasing can become spiritualized, why “dying to self” doesn't mean destroying or abandoning yourself, and how your nervous system can actually help you discern what is a healthy yes and what needs to be a no.
You'll also hear a powerful perspective on Proverbs 31 and what it means to have the audacity to “laugh at the days to come” — not because life is always easy, but because you trust in the God who has your future.
In this episode, you'll learn:
• Why boundaries are not unkind or un-Christian
• The hidden connection between people-pleasing and the need for approval
• Why someone else's disappointment doesn't automatically mean God is disappointed with you
• How to tell the difference between anxiety and fight-or-flight from spiritual discernment
• How to set boundaries without taking responsibility for other people's reactions
• The difference between people-pleasing and genuine kindness
• How faith and nervous-system regulation can work together rather than being treated as separate
If you're ready to spend less time overthinking, and step into a calmer, more confident, more unapologetic version of yourself, this episode is for you.
HIGHLIGHTS |
03:11 — You Don't Have to Choose Between Faith & Mental Health
07:45 — The Proverbs 31 Woman Has the Audacity to Laugh at the Future
11:59 — Boundaries Don't Make You a Bad Christian
13:10 — The Hidden Reason We Don't Set Boundaries
15:00 — Your Soul Is the Holy of Holies
16:39 — Someone Else's Disappointment Doesn't Mean God Is Disappointed With You
18:39 — When People-Pleasing Becomes “Being a Good Christian”
21:05 — “Dying to Self” Doesn't Mean Destroying Yourself
21:52 — Why We Wear Burnout Like a Badge of Honor
24:38 — Your Nervous System Is Giving You Information
26:35 — Is It Anxiety or God's Voice?
29:43 — You Don't Have to Manage Other People's Reactions
30:42 — You Are the Expert of Your Own Body
32:30 — Unhealthy People Can't Always Understand Healthy Boundaries
34:31 — Boundaries Protect, They Don't Punish
35:43 — Change “I Have To” Into “I Get To”
37:17 — The Proverbs 31 Mindset
COMING UP
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🎙Tune in to other listener favorite episodes:
- 4 Things I'd Do Differently If I Was Starting My Anxiety & Confidence Journey over
- 4 Steps to Go From Nervous to Doing the Dang Thing
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ABOUT FREE & WELL |
Free & Well is a mental wellness movement helping women start fully living their lives. Hosted by anxiety therapist & yoga teacher & therapeutic workshop facilitator, Devoney, each episode blends practical mental health tools, faith & nervous system based tools to help you step into your most peace filled, confident era.
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DISCLAIMER |
Recommendations shared in this episode are based on my own personal opinion. No content provided by Free & Well and/or on this show is a substitute for medical or mental health treatment. It is all purely for educational purposes and is not a replacement for medical, legal, or mental health advice. Please call 911 if you are in an emergency, the Access & Crisis Line if you are in a crisis at 888-724-7240, 988 for urgent mental health support or contact a licensed mental health provider for mental health support. See full disclaimer here.
