- How to Repair After a Fight (with Jayson Gaddis)
In this episode I'm joined by Jayson Gaddis, author of Getting to Zero, to talk about how to repair after a fight with your wife or partner. We get into how nice guy syndrome trades your truth for keeping the peace, why "that wasn't my intention" goes nowhere, what makes an apology land in your partner's nervous system, and who goes first when you're both shut down. We also talk about what a men's group gives you that therapy alone can't.
About Jayson
Get Involved
E164 - 49m - Oct 16, 2026 - Offensive Love (with Luke Adler)
In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about offensive love, a phrase that came out of our shadow work group a year ago. We get into why going on offense with your heart means being willing to shock the sleepiness out of a relationship, how waiting keeps you defended with your wife, your kids, and other men, what touch and unspoken tension have shown me about my own habits, and why the pain you avoid keeps weighing you down.
Get involved:
E163 - 34m - Oct 6, 2026 - Performance Anxiety? Porn, Stress and Your Pelvic Floor (with Rahi Chun)
Performance anxiety in bed, whether it shows up as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, often starts somewhere you've probably never looked. Somatic sex educator Rahi Chun joins me to talk about porn, stress, and the tension your pelvic floor has been holding for years.
Rahi explains genital dearmoring and why a tight pelvic floor cuts blood flow and makes you finish faster. He also names an early sign worth noticing: trouble emptying your bladder. Then we get into why more young men are showing up with ED and PE, and how porn became sex education for a lot of us. It did for me. Porn trains your body to rush toward a result.
We also talk about loneliness, and why closer friendships with other men take pressure off sex with your partner. And what changes when you stop chasing performance and let yourself feel what's happening in your body.
- Learn more about Rahi's work at rahichun.com, and join his list to hear when Sovereign, his men's sexual wholeness course, opens
- Divine Union for Lovers, Rahi's work for couples with his wife Ariel
Get involved:
E162 - 57m - Oct 2, 2026 - The Mistake Men Keep Making (with Dr. Daniel Ellenberg)
In this episode I talk with Dr. Daniel Ellenberg. He has directed men's groups for more than forty years and earned the Practitioner of the Year award from the American Psychological Association's division for the psychology of men. He names the mistake he sees men keep making generation after generation, and then we explore the idea of precarious manhood and why vulnerability continues to be seen as a weakness. We also discuss why many men attempt to manage all their problems alone and what happens when a man stops hiding the parts of himself that cause him shame.
- Join Dr. Daniel Ellenberg, Keith Martin-Smith, and James Baraz in their 9-month Strength with Heart Training
- Learn more about Dr. Ellenberg
- Learn about the Men and Boys Compassion Coalition
Get involved:
E161 - 1h 0m - Sep 25, 2026 - Shadow Work to Save Your Relationship (with Luke Adler)
In this episode I'm again joined by Dr. Luke Adler, this time to to talk about shadow work as a way to save your relationship. We get into the nice guy pattern of going along to get along, why controlling your partner's reactions is really about avoiding your own feelings, and how a relationship without real presence slides into a predator and prey dynamic. We talk about the implicit agreements quietly running your relationship and what it actually takes to break them.
E160 - 49m - Sep 15, 2026 - Why You're Stuck as a Man
In this episode I break down why so many men feel stuck. It comes down to two energetic holds I watch men make over and over that burn enormous energy and produce no movement so from the inside it feels like nothing is happening. I share where they come from, what they cost you in your body and your relationships, and what I've seen actually get men unstuck. Then I leave you with two quick questions to find where you're doing both of these things.
E159 - 19m - Sep 10, 2026 - What's the Emotional Age of Your Anger? (with Alistair Moes)
In this episode I invite Alistair Moes, who has operated his own anger management practice for over 31 years and has worked with more than 15,000 men and women, to discuss what truly occurs in the body when anger takes over, why many of us either explode or shut down and label it handling things, and what it means to meet conflict from the adult inside you rather than the wounded kid. We explore the family patterns that shaped each of our approaches to anger, and the practice that reveals which one is actually in control at any given moment.
Get Involved
E158 - 56m - Aug 25, 2026 - Shadow Work for Inspiration (with Luke Adler)
In this episode I invite Dr. Luke Adler to discuss what shadow work is really for. We explore why the deepest pain in a group of men often sits right beside laughter and gratitude, the "kink in the hose" model described in The Heart of Shadow that shows where life force becomes stuck, and why men struggle to celebrate what is going right or to accept a compliment without deflecting it.
E157 - 43m - Aug 21, 2026 - The Power in the Truth You're Not Telling (with Shana James)
In this episode I invite relationship and dating coach Shana James, author of Honest Sex and The Honest Dating Guide, to discuss why many men see honesty as a loss of power. We explore nice guy conditioning, the scarcity that pushes us to posture rather than speak the truth, the distinction between attachment and desire, and what really occurs in the body when vulnerability feels dangerous instead of intimate.
E156 - 51m - Aug 19, 2026 - Daddy Has Tantrums Too
In this episode I break down the moment I lost it with my daughter over a coloring page, the sharp voice, the walk to the car when I realized what I'd just done to her. I get into Dan Siegel's hand model of the brain, why your kid feels your nervous system more than your words, and where you're supposed to put that charge when your family isn't the place to dump it.
- Join us Monday August 24th for Rage & Anger: How to Wisely Channel Your Power as a Man
- Build your space to bring your tantrums in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat
E155 - 16m - Aug 14, 2026 - Shadow Work for Regaining Your Power (with Luke Adler)
In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about shadow work for regaining your power, especially for nice guys who've gone allergic to their own force and desire. We get into the difference between power over and power under, why so many men carry a clog in their body around their center, and how father wounds shape our relationship to anger and protection.
Join us in reclaiming your power in The Heart of Shadow Men's Group & Retreat
E154 - 31m - Aug 11, 2026 - She Feels Your Tension Before She Feels Your Hands
In this episode I get into touch, why it lands or falls flat with a woman, and what her body is already reading in you before your hands ever move. I break down the physiology behind it, your breath, your nervous system, and the different kinds of tension that decide whether she melts into you or just tolerates you. I also get into my own history with touch, which wasn't pretty, and the frame I now use with the men I coach around all of this.
This Monday: the breath workshop
If this episode landed and you want to go further into it, Elizabeth Anneka and I are teaching a live workshop on Zoom this Monday, August 10th. Ninety minutes, 5:30 Pacific. Today's episode was about your breath. This workshop one is about hers, how to read it, and use it as a compass toward deeper connection and better sex. That's Elizabeth's teaching and it's very good. Ninety-seven dollars, and everyone who signs up gets the replay whether you make it live or not.
Labor Day weekend: the retreat
September 3rd through the 7th, out at Bell Valley in Anderson Valley, Northern California. Four days. The ground, the breath, the capacity to stay in contact with another human being without bracing. Everything in this episode, trained at depth, with a crew of men doing the same work. We cap it at 26 men and there are three spots left. If this one has been tugging at you, this is the window.
August 24: Rage & Anger, with Dr. Luke Adler
Most of us never had healthy anger modeled for us. We watched men explode, or we watched men go numb, and somewhere in there we swore off the whole thing and called the shutdown maturity. But the anger you never let yourself feel doesn't leave. It comes out sideways, or it turns inward and your body carries it.
Luke and I are running a free live session on Monday, August 24th. We'll break down the difference between clean anger and aggression, show you how to build a container for that energy so it fuels you instead of leaking onto the people you love, and then lead you through a guided practice so you leave having actually felt it move. Come with a private space where you can make some noise. A car works. A garage works.
You might also like...
E153 - 25m - Aug 7, 2026 - Why You Feel Like You're Not Driving Your Own Life
In this episode I break down what's happening when life looks fine on paper but you feel like you're not the one driving it. Losing direction is nearly inevitable once the track (school, career, mortgage, kids) runs out, and you can't think your way back. I walk through the two compasses I've watched work in hundreds of men's lives, the practice men have used to read them for thousands of years, and the one place none of us wants to look.
Then:
- Master reading her breath to enhance her pleasure on August 10th
- Grab one of the last Labor Day retreat spots
- Snag the early bid on the Heart of Shadow men's group and retreat
You might also like...
E152 - 24m - Jul 30, 2026 - Why Would She WANT to Have Sex With You?
In this episode I get into the question most men never ask, why would she want to have sex with you? I break down Rosemary Basson's research on responsive desire, why her wanting often arrives through connection instead of before it, and what it actually takes to be a man she can open toward. I talk about tending your own nervous system, learning her warm up sequence, feeding the connection all week, and the real difference between reaching for her from tension release versus reaching for her by name.
What to expand your capacity as a lover? Learn from touch coach Elizabeth Anneka about the power of breath for good sex by signing up for How to Touch Women: It Starts with Your Breath Workshop on Monday, August 10th at 5:30pm Pacific. $97.
Only a few spots left for the Evolutionary Men Labor Day Retreat, snag your at https://evolutionary.men/retreat
E151 - 26m - Jul 23, 2026 - How to Touch Women (with Elizabeth Anneka)
In this episode I bring on touch coach Elizabeth Anneka to break down why so many men have the desire to please a woman but not the skill. We get into her bullseye mismatch concept, the difference between penetrating and receptive states, how to keep touch alive once it's gone stale in a long term relationship, and the power of breath to guide it all for men.
Learn from Elizabeth about the power of breath for good sex by signing up for How to Touch Women: It Starts with Your Breath Workshop on Monday, August 10th at 5:30pm Pacific. $97.
Learn more about Elizabeth at https://www.howtotouchwomen.com
E150 - 47m - Jul 14, 2026 - Inside Folsom Prison: The Hardest Men, The Deepest Work (with Gethin Aldous)
In this episode I'm joined by Gethin Aldous, co-director of The Work, the award-winning documentary shot inside Folsom Prison. We get into what happens when the hardest men in the system sit in circle and let themselves break, why prison cuts straight through the judgment that men's work is soft or goofy, and what it awakens in the men who witness it. If men most people have written off can go this deep, so can you. Go watch the film, then do your own work.
Show Notes
- Watch The Work on Apple | Youtube
- Gethin's Production Company MythoWorks
- All Kings NY
- Inside Circle
Get involved with Evolutionary Men
- Do your work at the Evolutionary Men Labor Day Retreat
- Join The Heart of Shadow
- Take the free Evolutionary Edge assessment to find your edge as a man at quiz.evolutionary.men
E149 - 51m - Jul 10, 2026 - Comfortably Numb or Fully Alive? The Power You Buried
In this episode I talk about the real cost of staying numb and what's actually happening when a man feels flat. I get into the one-pipe reality, why clamping down grief and anger also chokes off joy, desire, and aliveness, the difference between a state and a stage, and why you can't think or read your way back to being fully alive and how important it is to plunge into spaces of depth to give you a lived experience of your power and vitality.
E148 - 19m - Jun 25, 2026 - The Nine Capacities of Evolutionary Men
In this episode I lay out a map I've been building for nearly two decades: nine specific capacities that separate the man who walks into a room and changes it from the man nobody quite remembers was there. I take them one at a time: vitality, devotion, curiosity, rigor, initiative, presence, empathy, depth, and discernment, go through what each one looks like when it's online and what it costs you when it's not, and why a tenth capacity, belonging, wraps around all of them.
Cultivating these capacities if the lifelong path of Evolutionary Men.
Discovery your capacity map by taking the Evolutionary Edge quiz at quiz.evolutionary.men
E147 - 44m - Jun 19, 2026 - Shadow Work for Accountability (with Luke Adler)
In this episode I'm joined by Dr. Luke Adler to talk about the shadow of shadow work, what it demands from us beyond catharsis, and why release is only the first step that must extend into accountability. We break down the three-phase arc of release, responsibility, and repair, sit with the cultural pressure on men's groups right now to do more than hold space for pain, and get into what real carefrontation looks like when you care too much to stay quiet.
What's your Evolutionary Edge (and blindspot) as a man? Take the free assessment to find out at quiz.evolutionary.men.
E146 - 41m - Jun 5, 2026 - Practice, Not Pickup (with Violet Lange)
In this episode I sit down with my wife Violet Lange to talk about the gap no amount of solo work can close. You've done your reading, you've done your shadow work, you feel solid, and then a woman walks into the room and you freeze, shrink, or bury your desire. You can practice alone forever, but you only get good at the feminine in front of the feminine. We get into why so many men get so few reps, why the dating world is the worst possible place to learn, and what opens up when the container is built for practice instead of outcome.
Violet's frame is simple: this is practice, not pickup. When the agenda is gone and the safety is real, you stop managing how you come across and start meeting the parts of yourself you usually keep hidden. This is the work that pairs with men's groups, not the work that replaces them, the cross-training most guys don't know they're missing. If you've done your work with the men and still lock up the moment polarity enters the room, this one is for you.
Violet's co-ed practice container, the Love Field, opens this summer. Details at violetlange.com/thelovefield
E145 - 32m - Jun 3, 2026
