The older computer we've been recording with for years began having more and more issues. You'll no doubt notice that the voices in this episode are a bit choppy and stuttery in places. Sorry 'bout that.

As if that weren't enough, Main Guy and This Guy drastically rearranged Pink Eye Studios (AKA Kalookio Studios, AKA the Art Dungeon) over the past few weeks so new noises and echos have complicated things even more! And we have a fridge that feeds annoying noise into This Guy's microphone. At least the beer is cold.

Since recording this episode, Main Guy has invested in a new computer. It remains to be seen if the upcoming episodes sound any better--after all, HE is the same inept fuckwit at the controls.

Now sit back while Quim Simpson and his nameless guests talk about Employee #1's knob...

WE HAVE RETURNED!

Here is about an hour of your life you’ll never get back. Welcome to Season 5!

Using stories curated by Patreon Jeff, "Main Guy" Montgomery Gland, "This Guy" Dick Trickle, "That Guy" Bennin Hermuff, and the Research Department come in for a pretty hard landing on this one. In addition to the customary gallons of beer, a chilled bottle of Bearded Viking’s Laechner Huckleberry Mead contributes to the ensuing chaos. 

For all your mead needs, check out https://beardedviking.com and tell ‘em That Guy sent ya!

For Season 5, Episode 1 and other exclusive episodes head over to Employee #1 - The Industrial Accident Podcast on Patreon. $5 per month helps us keep this monkey business going!

After all, Main Guy's wife pays for it. Why don't you?

Well. Here it is. The Season 4 Finale.

Main Guy (Mort Tishin), This Guy (Richard Itch), That Guy (Swingin Dong) and the Research Department gather around the microphones for one more stab at immortality.

WARNING: It gets sloppy at the end, after all, we are celebrating the closure of a chapter in our lives!

"Final" categories include:

• Final Depth
• Final Destination
• Final Grade
• Final Payment
• Final Placement
• Final Stages

Throw us a rating and review, or support us directly on Patreon!

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There you will get early releases, bonus episodes, additional content, stories by That Guy, and other earthly delights that are UNFIT FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION.

Did you know a that when a few carbuncles pop up together it’s called a furuncle?

Speaking of itchy pustules, That Guy’s nephew calls him “carb uncle,” cause he smells like gas and works on old cars.

That Guy’s niece calls him “fur uncle,” cause he looks like a monkey when he sneaks around naked at the park sniffing benches, slides, and swing sets.

Anyhoo, here is a minimally-edited episode bubbling up around the word “boil.”

"Main Guy" Ben Tweener, "This Guy" Misty Dawn, and "That Guy" Ivegotta Itchybum go bonkers while Research Department takes the night off to play Bunko (whatever the fuck that is).

One more episode to go before the Season 4 Finale!

No one can live without an aorta. Don’t believe us? Listen to this shit!

Gil T. Yuronner whips out some *“main vein” stories for Eda Bagadix, Hairy Queen Snailtrail, and the Research Department.

*Special note from Main Guy: Of course (as anyone who skipped the second grade will tell you) the aorta is an artery—not a vein, but if my evil plan worked, you’re probably thinking about cocks right now.

#dick #weenie #pecker #penis

Lots of running going on around here. Running mouths running circles of distracted conversations while running a failing podcast into the ground.

Glen Struation runs down a list of stories pertaining to all types of running—forcing Carol Lina, Phat Dong, and the Research Department to run for the exit.

Nathan Higgers attempts to tell stories about boats and hoes to Kamen Wendt, Gitten Herdrawersoff and the Research Department.

Like many tragic tales of boats (and hoes) throughout recorded history, this one starts out loose and sloppy and ends up . . . well . . . wet, tired, and fucked. Unsatisfactorily fucked.

After the prior version of this episode had been streamed/downloaded about 400 times, a helpful listener reached out and said, "What's with all the time gaps, overlaps, and random shit after the episode?!"

Apparently, Main Guy was so busy fiddling around in Photoshop to make the stupid artwork that really doesn't look like a guy hammering a toe into a board like a nail, he uploaded the wrong audio file. Let's try this again . . .

Joe King tells some toe-curling stories to Ketavetouck Litchard and recovering surgery victim Pete O’Phile. Research Department is otherwise occupied with a recovery of her own.

Categories include:

• Avulsion

• Gun

• Trimmer

• Bed

• Finger

• Popper

Please rate and review, and send a screenshot to employee1@gmail.com if you'd like some free stickers. Please sign up and support us at patreon.com/employee1 if you really enjoy what we do. You'll get early releases, extra episodes, and bonus content. THANKS, PUKES!

This one will chap ya! Hannibal Recktor puts some gloss on lip stories for Rhett Wayne, Shae Vercooter and the Research Department. 

Oral Roberts serves up six gruesome stories for Dick Bush, the Research Department, and a special guest!

Avast and Merry Christmas, ye pukes!

As a result of another mutiny, Main Guy 2.0 (Whet Fart) commandeers the Captain's chair and holds Clem Chowder, Phil Hole, and the Research Department hostage while he talks about all the scary equipment he works on.

#AIDS #ATV #accident #beer #belching #blackhumor #boiler #butcher #california #careerday #comedy #computercrash #crude #crushed #dark #fermilier #fuckinidiot #gallowshumor #industrialaccident #injury #joystick #kansas #mature #morbid #multipletakes #ohio #oncall #osha #pointzeroonefive #pottymouths #press #profanity #researchdepartment #schadenfreude #tasteless #utah #vulgar

Please shoot us a rating and review wherever you listen.

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During the government shutdown, while OSHA took some time off, Main Guy Juan Tutreefor was busy excluding “model” and “serial” from his searches to find a number of stories featuring numbers.

There were ten stories to begin with, but Deep State (or our old friend from India) had other ideas.

This Guy (Tyler Nall), That Guy (Harry Snailtrail), the Research Department and live audience member Fuckin' Tom had to count down to the bitter end.

Por favor, disfruta!

The Grand Wizard saddles up, lights his torch and riles up the ignorant mob with fiery rhetoric about race! The mob includes Peter Winkler, Avin Ashag, and the Research Department. 

This one is so controversial, the Deep State kept crashing our computer!

Categories include:

• Bus
• Car 
• Golf Cart
• Face
• Tire
• Tree

Happy Halloween, free-feeders!

This one is as disorganized and careless as a black widow web.

Host Jerry Atric pulls some random strands from his ass and weaves tales designed to snare the attention of Pud Huff, Dildo Swaggins, and the Research Department.

Categories include:

• Air
• Ball
• Backbone
• Dick
• Head
• Manifold
• Spray

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After suckling another related episode, Scooter Fudgestein, Harry Holler, Frankie Fisterass, and the Research Department will officially spit out the pink part. Maybe.

Six well-rounded stores about breasts are bouncing your direction! (It could'a been seven, but you’re apparently not on our Patreon $5 tier)

#bigbopper #breastpump #california #kennyloggins #mammogram #pinch #pissbreak #pollockjokes #poke #stripped #tejas #truckdick #whichguy #windshield

Things are still a bit nipply here in Pink Eye Studios. Boyle Dribblins pulls his mouth off the teat long enough to tell Pa Blo, Huge Snuts, and the Research Department eight stories about milk.

Trick or Teat! Dusky Areola gets Emilio Earhardt, Buster Cornholer, and the Research Department all perked up. This one’s about all kinds of nipples.

#kentuckyjelly #blowjob #environmental #sawzall #stanchion #impaled #freon #muppet #thrown #mud #spider #Texas #pop #FarrahFawcett #hanoijane #barbarella #duranduran #accident #osha #schadenfreude #dark #blackhumor #beer #belching #crude #comedy #gallowshumor #mature #morbid #pottymouths #profanity #researchdepartment #tasteless #vulgar

After an extended period of “pre-gaming” we finally got around to the Main Event. Dean Keystink, Stu Pedaso, Lenny Dykefister, and the Research Department land on the RECORD button. In total there were 4-hours of drunken blather before, during, and after this mess and this is all Main Guy could salvage for an episode.

Categories include:

• A Kite
• Ash
• Backward
• Could’a Been A
• In
• Tundish

#accident #beer #belching #blackhumor #blowjob #comedy #crude #gallowshumor #industrialaccident #injury #mature #morbid #osha #pottymouths #profanity #researchdepartment #schadenfreude #vulgar #lemmysmole #belalugosisdad #shitfaced #drunk #ozzy #wisconsin #dado #donorcycle #kickback #alabama #molten #burns #moisture #unhinged #georgia #hornse #marielboatlift

Stand back! Something might flop out and hit ya right between the eyes! Sandy Bumcum “fasten"-ates J.G. Wentworth, Mike Lit, and the Research Department with stories about zippers!

DISCLAIMER: Some dipshit grabbed the wrong mike and threw off each channel’s pre-defined settings, so this one sounds shittier than usual—even worse than S3 E8: Shitty EQ!