432: Have you ever felt overlooked by women? (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

“I know I’m a good guy - I’m kind and compassionate and caring … so why don't girls want me??”

This was one of Scott's main concerns in middle and high school. It felt like it was happening for everyone around him, but not him.

Fast forward a few decades and now he's got overflow in his love life -- he's married and experiences affection, sex, closeness, and emotional availability on the daily. So what changed?

Here we talk about the excruciating phone call in 6th grade that kicked everything off; the confusion of having close women friends who say they want a nice guy but then don't seem to want the nice guy that's right in front of them; what it actually means to feel SEEN after feeling overlooked; and the intriguing question Scott finally asked himself on a walk through a park in Madrid.

You'll also hear about a client who looked great on paper, but who was stuck in first-date purgatory for years. A couple of months into the work, he said something he'd never said before: "She's actually chasing me!"

If you've ever felt stuck in a pattern of first dates that never become second dates, years of swiping with nothing to show for it, or a marriage where you reach for her and keep hearing, "No" -- this one's for you.

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Come to the upcoming Masterclass!

The Man She Craves 101 is coming in October. Text BACKSTAGE to 33777 (U.S. only) to get on the list, or email dearmenpodcast@gmail.com if you're outside the U.S.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I see what I have to offer in a relationship; I don't see what I have to offer that gets me into a relationship."
• "I think I honestly felt that just being friendly to a girl was showing her that I liked her."
• "Me! Me! I am emotionally available to you right now."
• "You went from alone in the desert to overflow."
• “If you get a few rejections early on, it starts the cycle down that path.”
• “I didn’t really learn to flirt until college, and even then ... it was iffy.”
• “My community helped me find myself more.”
• “I have to get it RIGHT; I have to choose the RIGHT person.”
• “I felt desired. I felt seen.”
• “I’ve gotta show women that I‘m a good man!”
• “How do I learn more about healthy masculinity?”
• “I started to get to direct statements of desire from women.”
• “It’s not like my appearance changed a lot.”
• “Once you get in that flow, it is WONDERFUL.”