• 301: What's the difference between therapy and coaching? (ft. Jason Lange)

    "As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help."

    Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I seek to fill is due to exactly what this client of ours shared -- the unfair and often unnamed expectation that men should "just know."

    You shouldn't! It's totally normal to not know. And in my opinion (and that of most of the women I know), the most mature, healthiest, and sexiest men are the ones who are leaning into learning.

    In the learning and growth process, you're likely to come across both therapy and coaching. They're similar but not the same, and it's an art to know when you need which.

    Many of the men with whom we've worked have experienced both therapy and coaching, and I polled them before this recording so I could include their lived experiences. Here, we go over the differences between them, and share some real-world examples.

    Whether you're working on your sex, dating, and relationship life, or becoming stable during or after a period of anxiety and depression, there's something for you here.

    ---

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I couldn’t take certain forward-facing actions because I had these wounds from my past.”
    • “I might always have some of these old injuries or tender spots, so how do I move forward working with that?”
    • “Coaching in the community normalizes my experiences instead of isolating them to ‘it must just be me.’”
    • “I needed both, and one is not better than the other.”
    1h 3m | Mar 22, 2024
  • 300: What's it like to do MDMA therapy with your wife? (ft. Lucas)

    A lot of our clients crave more intimacy or closeness with their wife/relationship partner. Often this includes a longing, or a sense of something missing. As Lucas, our guest here, put it, "The feeling I recall most strongly was a sense of loneliness."

    Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? If you’ve wished you and your partner were closer, or yearned for a breakthrough but didn’t know quite how to get there, you’re going to want to listen to this.

    Psychedelics like MDMA, LSD, and psilocybin (the active component in magic mushrooms) are in the process of being re-legalized. And for good reason —they have incredible potential when it comes to alleviating suffering and boosting connection. Paired with quality guides (the right mentors or therapists), they can help us gain a deeper sense of love, trust, and belonging in the world.

    But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Doing medicine (which is how we phrase it, rather than “doing drugs”) is only truly responsible when it’s combined with quality inner growth work. One of Lucas's realizations, for example, was "I was the source of some of my own pain." While in a way upsetting, this was also liberating, because it meant he had control over addressing the pain. "It was a letting go of my conviction that I was right, and being open to something new."

    It's worth noting, as well, that these kinds of therapies don't have to be reserved for relationship distress. As Lucas put it, he and his wife sensed "There's an opportunity for even more for us."

    So: Can you use MDMA therapy to deepen love with your wife, regardless of where you're at in terms of level of fulfillment already? Yes. Listen to hear more.

    ---

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "My need to be loved by my wife was preventing her from loving me the way she wanted to love me."
    • "She was aware of a certain graspiness from me."
    • "What kind of life could I live if I were never afraid of being alone?"
    • "I didn't feel a sense of, 'I need to solve this right now' or 'I'm a bad person for having done this.'"
    • "Suddenly everything came into play because we'd touched on the scariest thing."
    • "It was really meaningful to feel her move towards me."
    • "The difference is that now it feels really good to do the work together."
    1h 24m | Mar 15, 2024
  • 299: Matchmaking: Is it still relevant? (ft. Anika Rashaun)

    Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let's be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many.

    Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They're able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they're coming across, and help them make adjustments.

    Here I chat with Anika, a matchmaker for Three Day Rule, about how we can all get more honest in dating. We also talk about how men and women differ when it comes to their must-haves and dealbreakers -- as someone who has spoken to hundreds if not thousands of people by now, that's actually quite interesting. She also shares some memorable matches she has made over the years. This is a sweet one!

    ---

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "There are women who wonder why they’re not being approached, but they don’t have an approachable aura."
    • "Success means different things to different people."
    • "Dating really is a numbers game … the more conversations you have, the higher chance you’re going to find someone you want to move forward with."
    • "Some people have told me, 'I’ve gotten deeper with you than I’ve gotten with my therapist.'"

    ---

    Mentioned on this episode:

    1h 2m | Mar 8, 2024
  • 298: Becoming skillful at sexual communication -- let's talk about it. (ft. Kristen Carney of Ask Women)

    This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.

    But this isn't just about finding the clit. It's a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn't working sexually? It's actually the same reason it's hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.

    If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you're dating someone or in a committed relationship), it's helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it's always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in asking is part of becoming the unstoppable, sexually empowered divine masculine.

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "I was like ... what?!"
    • "Sex is important to human beings."
    • "I almost feel like telling a man the sex isn't good is a mortal sin."
    • "He played me like a fine instrument."
    57m | Mar 1, 2024
  • 297: The problems with polarity (ft. Jason Lange)

    Polarity can help you have a hot sex & dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. And like many things in life, it's not a perfect concept; there are issues with it.

    "In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?"

    I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in understanding sexual attraction and heat, as well as trust and fulfillment, in both short- and long-term relationships. I also believe it can help us understand ourselves better as human beings in our own rights, not just in interpersonal dynamics.

    Becoming skillful with polarity is a valuable goal, and including its flaws in the conversation is important. Here we delve into what we see as the top three problems with polarity, and how to use it as a force of good in sex, dating, and relationships.

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "Alpha is often observing and omega is being observed."
    • "Things can be in opposition without being in conflict."
    • "Polarity is not an excuse for abusive behavior."

    ---

    Other helpful episodes on polarity:

    50m | Feb 23, 2024
  • 296: What does it actually mean to step into your power? (ft. Jason Lange)

    As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: We need you!

    We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.

    And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it's uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your full self.

    If you identify as a Nice Guy, it's likely that you're working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don't just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we've worked with who've gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself."
    • "It was easier to just let her control everything, and not assert much agency, let alone power. This worked for a while, but eventually blew up in my face."
    • "I’m happy to interrupt people now (in a way I did not used to)."
    • "I often used to fall into others people’s desires or wants."
    • "In relationship it’s, 'Here’s my truth, what’s your truth, and then how can we empower each other?'"
    • ---

    Work with us

    Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Other episodes related to this one:

    • Episode 239: Realized I’m a "Nice Guy." Now what do I do about it?
    • Episode 6: From "Nice Guy" to Confident With Women & Married to a Goddess
    48m | Feb 16, 2024
  • 295: Ever 'fallen into' a relationship? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

    Here's a pattern we've noticed in a lot of the men we work with:

    They've never gone after the women they really wanted. As one man put it, "A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven't been the most stable."

    For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants and needs.

    If a lot of the sexual or romantic relationships you've been in have been because a woman approached you, rather than you taking the lead, you might fall into this category. Or if you've been too intimidated or scared to pursue women you find really attractive, this could be you. (We also cover super-crushes here, which you may relate to.)

    Fortunately there are things you can do to interrupt the pattern, and stand up for what you truly want. We've worked with countless clients who've learned how to stop being passive and become active agents in their own sex, dating, and relationship lives -- and it has absolutely changed the game.

    Remember: It’s always possible to heal trauma, grow as a person, build community, and enjoy a thriving love and sex life. Listen on to hear more!

    ---

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "I was getting hung up on partners that weren't really interested or available."
    • "There was this other thing going on is that the women that liked me, I didn't want. So I felt stuck."
    • "It turns out, it was me!"
    • "The hidden thing was that having a supercrush was very safe."
    • "I never actually had to confront my edges of intimacy."
    52m | Feb 9, 2024
  • 294: How do I rebuild trust with a partner? (ft. me!)

    It's a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them.

    Remember that you can always send me your question or questions -- just email me at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you!

    Here are the questions I answer on this episode:

    • How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?
    • How do I date someone in the same friend group without it getting weird?
    • I went on a date with a woman and it went pretty well, but we didn't kiss at the end. I got the sense (especially in thinking back) that she wanted me to kiss her when we were outside waiting for her ride. It's tough because it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. How do I know when it's time to kiss her on a date??

    ---

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Mentioned on this episode:

    31m | Feb 2, 2024
  • 293: Give it to me whining! (Ft. Jason & Violet Lange)

    Does it feel exiting for your woman to be fully open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out?

    Then you’re going to want to listen to this one. 

    You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha & omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction).

    But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1 (we’re in rigidly-defined roles), to stage 2 (we talk through everything), to stage 3 — the topic of this episode. 

    Stage 3 relationships are cutting-edge. They go beyond societal norms. Stage 3 is exciting, pioneering, and embodied. And in Jason’s words, “it tends to *wake us up* as men.” 

    This kind of relating makes things sexy in relationship, and it also makes things deeply safe — if you know how to work it. The truth is, most omega partners deeply yearn to be fully, truly expressed, and in stage 3, that's the name of the game. In Jason's words, “Through your direction, you can invite expression.”

    If you want to lead your woman in ways you’ve never even considered — if you want to provide a space within which she can both deeply relax and feel even more of her heart, and even soul, listen on.

    Note: Credit to David Deida’s work on polarity and the stages of relationships. 

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I used to try to explain why what she was feeling was wrong.”
    • “I had so much resistance to the Hot Mess archetype because I was punished by my parents for being that.”
    • “In stage 2 it’s about wanting it to end — I want to release and get us back to peace. But in stage 3, it’s like, ‘Bring it all. Let’s ride this wave.’”
    • “Tell me that again, but like a hippo.”
    • “Once we welcome the expression of energy fully, it often resolves itself … you don’t have to do nearly as much as you think.”
    1h 2m | Jan 26, 2024
  • 292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange) [replay]

    If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you'll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and hot, whether it's in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.

    In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.

    But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get "reverse polarity." This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.

    We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it's important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.

    Even if you're experiencing reverse polarity, you can both grow in different ways and generate polarity again. We can always expand our consciousness and capacity -- it just takes some work and sometimes some skilled guidance to get there. The good news? Figuring this out can lead to the most satisfying sex and connection of your life.

    Note: The concept of polarity comes in part from David Deida's work, and in addition to reverse polarity, here we also delve into the concepts of first-, second-, and third-stage relationships.

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    1h 7m | Jan 19, 2024
  • 291: Want to get better at dating? Here are 3 ways to practice with women (ft. Violet Lange)

    As a client recently put it, where do you go to "scrimmage" with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you're on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).

    Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.

    This is doable. You can join communities where there's a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It's the new year -- LFG!

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Memorable quotes

    • "Online dating can be crushing."
    • "Structure in your life can lead to other structures."
    • "Half my female clients meet their partners in real life."
    • "Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new women can be a game-changer."

    ---

    Mentioned on this episode:

    46m | Jan 12, 2024
  • 290: Teaching healthy masculinity in schools! The Inspiring Men Project (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

    When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man?

    No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering.

    Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He's in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and young men. The goal is to teach them how to be "a calm but assured version of masculinity."

    But how do you do that? What do you teach, and how do you describe what it is to wield power? Listen for a fascinating view into an inspiring potential future for us as a culture. (Also, if you have sons or may have sons in the future, this one will be of particular interest to you.)

    ---

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I was starting to see so much toxic masculinity I started to devalue my own masculinity.”
    • “These boys don’t get shown possibilities — it’s just, ‘Don’t be these things.’”
    • “I started to see how much harm our boys are facing.”
    • “I can’t control what the world does to me, but I can control how I meet that.”
    • “Emotion are tools. They’re important.”
    • “Power is our ability to meet and shape the world around us.”
    • “Sometimes it’s important to bond shoulder-to-shoulder; sometimes it’s important to bond face-to-face.”

    ---

    Mentioned on the episode

    1h 18m | Jan 5, 2024
  • 289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange)

    Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something "wrong," and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you'll likely resonate with this episode.

    If you're someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you've ended up with.

    In our work with men we've often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.

    Fortunately, we've also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Memorable quotes:

    • “One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”
    • “It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”
    • “If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”
    • “There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone."
    • “At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”
    • “Maybe me speaking up isn’t aggressive.”

    ---

    Mentioned on this episode:

    • Dear Men episode 239: Just realized I'm a nice guy. Now what?
    • Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder
    56m | Dec 29, 2023
  • 288: GuyTalk: What dating is like after getting divorced

    Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children.

    Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?”

    Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as their experiences dating, having sex, and getting into new relationships post-divorce.

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I didn’t feel safe to voice my needs with my partner.”
    • “I felt like my identity was being snuffed out in my marriage.”
    • “It was a deep-dive back into my passions.”
    • “Am I worthy? Will a quality woman say yes to this?”
    • “We’re both doing work and we support each other.”

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    1h 13m | Dec 22, 2023
  • 287: GirlTalk: The either/or conundrum in sex, dating, and relationships

    This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really crave from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly.

    The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can either have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can either settle down and become 'boring,' or have an exciting life without stability.

    This pattern of thinking is especially obvious when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. A lot of people struggle with believing they can have a partner who is BOTH one thing and another thing. And for women who are attracted to men, that is frequently: I want to feel claimed/ravaged AND respected/cherished.

    There's more to it than that, and here we get down and dirty with it. Listen on for insight into the light and dark masculine, fuckboys at Da Club, the shame we hold around this pattern, and how to embody everything a woman yearns for.

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Mentioned on this episode:

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I can either have fun … or be married.”
    • “I liked the feeling of being respected, but I didn’t feel juicy.”
    • “This is the best sex that I’ve ever had with anybody.”
    • “I could trust that he would show up, and see parts of me that I wasn’t necessarily proud of.”
    • “It’s not something you do or say. It’s a vibe!”
    1h 15m | Dec 15, 2023
  • 286: How do I “do” dating apps well? (so I don’t get discouraged) (ft. Jason Lange)

    Online dating can be hard! As a hetero man on the apps, you're statistically likely to get far fewer matches than a hetero woman. If you're on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, MeetMindful, and/or OKCupid and you're not finding what you're looking for ... you're not alone.

    Dating apps can be crazy-making -- for real! That said, online dating does NOT have to suck for you. We have 5 concrete tips for you to maintain your sanity and actually have a good experience.

    These are things we've seen work for our clients, and they can work for you. Take a listen if you want more hot sex, dating, and relationships in your life.

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "A lot of times we see men limiting themselves because they assume a woman won’t be open to a “less serious” relationship."
    • “Everybody is navigating different phases of life.”
    • “For it to be a successful relationship, it doesn’t have to last forever.”
    • “Turn the notifications off!”
    • "I have an ability to impact my life (vs. I feel like a victim).”
    • "When we’re doing the work, we’re getting our power back.”
    1h 6m | Dec 8, 2023
  • 285: Depression, Anxiety, and Nice Guy Syndrome (ft. Tony Endelman & Dr. Glover’s work)

    How do depression & anxiety intersect with sex & dating?

    If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experience anxiety, clinical depression, and/or dysthymia — low-grade, chronic depression — then you know how easy it is to spiral. When it comes to sex, dating, and relationships, it can feel daunting to even get started. Negative self-talk abounds! This can be exacerbated if you identify with Nice Guy Syndrome.

    The fact is, human beings (especially in the modern world) are prone to anxiety & depression. So how do you work on it and respectfully get laid at the same time?

    Here, Toby Endelman, who collaborates closely with Dr. Glover (author of No More Mr. Nice Guy), discusses his own personal journey around overcoming depression, and practical steps you can take if you’re in the same boat.

    This is a big subject and there are no quick fixes, but the important thing to know is that there *is* hope, and things can get better.

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “My father’s passing really knocked me on my ass.”
    • “I grew up thinking I was deeply unattractive.”
    • “I couldn’t believe this woman was going out with me!”
    • “Changing my environment was a great start.”
    • “Every relationship is a choice, and you always have the choice to walk away.”
    • “You cannot do this work alone. We need other people to become who we are.”
    1h 4m | Dec 1, 2023
  • 284: Is cheating (including emotional affairs) correlated with Nice Guy Syndrome? (ft. Jason Lange)

    Cheating is both a sensitive and complex topic. It lies at the intersection of sexuality, betrayal, needs, wants, and power.

    Here we explore something we've noticed in our work: the correlation we’ve witnessed between the pattern of cheating, and not being in your power as a man. We go over both the experience of cheating as well as being cheated on.

    In Jason’s words, “One of the shadow sides of a lot of Nice Guys is tolerating not being treated well, and in a weird way this has partners treat them even worse.”

    To be clear, cheating is wrong and causes harm, and we are not condoning it. What we are doing is discussing questions like:

    What happens when your needs aren’t met in a relationship?

    How do you handle feeling stuck when it comes to sex and relationship?

    Whether you're dating or in a committed partnership, how do you effectively communicate with a partner when were never taught how to do so?

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • “I wasn’t taught to attune to myself, or advocate for myself.”
    • ‘“Life just happening to us’ (as Nice Guys) vs. ‘I have the power to impact my life.’”
    • “Confrontational tolerance is critical.”
    • “It tends to bring guys alive.”

    Mentioned on this episode:

    55m | Nov 24, 2023
  • 283: How to go from stuck ... to unstuck ... to THRIVING (ft. Brian Johnson of Heroic)

    "What should I do with my life?"

    It's a question most of us ask ourselves (sometimes on repeat!), and one many of us could use more guidance around.

    Knowing the answer matters for several reasons, and one is that it naturally generates polarity with a partner. In sex, dating, and relationships, you, as a man, will polarize women far more when you know who you are and what you're about. It will bring you energy and give you direction, which is naturally polarizing.

    But how the hell do you figure it out?! It isn't always easy. Enter Brian Johnson, who has worked with elite athletes, Navy SEALs, the CEO of Whole Foods, Phil Stutz (psychiatrist to the stars), and thousands more. He's successful, driven, and very passionate about helping everyone know how to answer the question, and go from stuck to unstuck to thriving.

    Traditional sex and relationship advice won't cover this, but if you want women to desire you on a deep level -- sexually as well as in a relationship -- this isn't one to miss.

    ---

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "You’re supposed to enter the forest at the darkest spot, and sometimes Life throws you into that spot."
    • "It’s laser tag; do I really need instructions??"
    • "The most elite performers in the world have the most coaches."
    • "Love is the hero’s secret weapon."
    • “Action drives creativity.”

    ---

    Mentioned on this episode:

    Brian's book: Areté

    1h 6m | Nov 17, 2023
  • 282: Anal sex! Yep, we’re talkin’ about it. (ft. Sara)

    Ever wanted to explore the dark side of the moon? ;) If you've ever been curious about anal sex -- or enjoy it already and want to hear what others have to say -- this one's for you.

    Here we hear from one woman who really enjoys anal, and another who hasn’t had great experiences with it (yet). We also talk a lot about how to open up a conversation with your partner about it (i.e. how do you say, "I'd like to try anal sex. Would you?"). And we cover the shame that can be inherent in wanting to try a new sex act, whether that's anal sex or something else.

    Anal sex isn’t just for women, either! We also discuss men who enjoy receiving anal stimulation, whether that's anal sex or prostrate massage. Yay, healthy, connected sex and pleasure!

    Mentioned on this episode:

    ---

    Work with us

    Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love life for good.

    To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    ---

    Memorable quotes from this episode:

    • "Everybody's got an anus."
    • "Pussy juice!"
    • "For me to feel safe having anal sex with a man, it would require more trust and intimacy than vaginal sex."
    • "It takes the most prep and intention going into it."
    • "We were doing it doggy style and he said, 'Can I stick it in your ass?'"
    49m | Nov 10, 2023
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Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women
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