<p>Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. If you want deep dating advice, help with relationships, or tips on how to have sex with women in a way they&#39;ll swoon over, c&#39;mon in. Personal growth is sexy, haven&#39;t you heard? </p><p>And if you&#39;re ready to do the work, come work with us -- we&#39;d love to have you: www.evolutionary.men/apply.</p><p>Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com.</p>

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/4/26/8/3c59f13e-6a66-49e6-b350-5dbc65004e10_dm_306.mp3

<p>&#34;I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??&#34;</p><p>So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, &#34;It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’&#34;</p><p>The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don&#39;t go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren&#39;t even always about turn-on. As one man put it, &#34;NRBs are a thing!&#34; (No Reason Boners).</p><p>We&#39;re on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.</p><p>Related questions:</p><ul><li>How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you&#39;ve never seen it role-modeled?</li><li>What <em>is</em> a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?</li><li>How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?</li></ul><p><br></p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good. (We&#39;ve worked with a <em>lot</em> of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that&#39;s you, we&#39;re here.)</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;Our turn-on is visible from the outside.&#34;</li><li>“It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”</li><li>&#34;Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict.&#34;</li><li>&#34;The antidote to shame is connection.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Men having an erection is a sign of health.&#34;</li><li>&#34;What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are.&#34;</li><li>&#34;‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’&#34;</li><li>&#34;I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality.&#34;</li></ul>

306: Boner shame! Let's talk about it. (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/4/23/23/5448bc27-5d62-4afd-8efe-05d398026dff_dm_305.mp3

<p>Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day.</p><p>The truth is, it&#39;s deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you&#39;re bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists:</p><ul><li>&#34;For a long time I thought, &#39;What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?&#39;&#34;</li><li>&#34;I was taught, &#39;Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.&#39;&#34;</li><li>&#34;As a teenager I thought, &#39;I’m going to go to hell and there’s no way to get around it.&#39;&#34;</li></ul><p><br></p><p>Here, a panel of four men, three of whom grew up in the Church of Latter-day Saints (LDS, aka the Mormon Church), and one who grew up Catholic/Christian, discuss their journey from religious programming to a more full, rich, and healthy sexual expression in the world.</p><p>But it doesn&#39;t stop with healthy sex. Because one of the effects of feeling blocked, ashamed, or perverted for having natural sexual desires is that you tend to have a lot of trouble relating with those with whom you want to have sex.</p><p>This begs the questions: What <em>is</em> healthy sex and sexuality? What is healthy connection? According to one married man, &#34;It took us 32 years of our marriage to be able to unravel and untwist this trauma.&#34;</p><p>Religious deconstruction from LDS and other religions is real, and it&#39;s doable. You can overcome sexual shame, religious indoctrination, and more.</p><p>If you want to go from being afraid to connect with women to having the healthiest relationship of your life, listen on.</p><p>If you&#39;re looking for inspiration, hope, and dare I say an experience of transcendence, listen on.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good. (We&#39;ve worked with a <em>lot</em> of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that&#39;s you, we&#39;re here.)</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;As a child, we were taught that sex-related sins were worse than murder.&#34;</li><li>&#34;I grew up with a daily sense of guilt and shame, and, &#39;I’m so dirty or gross, why would they want me?&#39;&#34;</li><li>“I felt like God set me up to fail.”</li><li>&#34;The sexual experiences I’ve had since my divorce have been unbelievably healing for me.&#34;</li><li>“The more we talk about it, we expand ourselves and it does something in our own nervous system.”</li><li>“Now I can find some freedom in it. It’s OK to have sexual needs.”</li><li>&#34;I’m horny as hell and excited to have a fun Friday night!&#34;</li></ul>

305: GuyTalk: Overcoming religious programming

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/4/12/7/6b4e42ea-a742-4cef-9fef-b11cff31abf5_dm_304.mp3

<p>&#34;Needing space within a love relationship is crucial for maintaining my identity ... It’s not merely about taking a break; it’s about preserving a sense of self that can slowly wither in the absence of such space.&#34;</p><p>So says one of our clients, eloquently speaking to the need and also the cost of not getting space when it&#39;s required.</p><p>Here we discuss both sides of the need for space -- what it&#39;s like to need it (and how to ask for it), as well as what it&#39;s like when a partner names that need. It can be confronting or even scary when a partner needs space, especially if we have a fear of abandonment. We delve into this, and how to reframe giving space as an act of love (it&#39;s said that space is the sixth love language).</p><p>We also touch on the fact that some people know when they need space, while others aren&#39;t even necessarily aware that that&#39;s what they&#39;re needing; they just know something is missing, or that they feel lackluster.</p><p>Romantic relationships tend to have certain unwritten or unspoken rules or norms, and one of my goals is to bring these into the light. I want to facilitate conscious relationship, and meta conversations (meaning talking about how we relate to one another). I hope this one sparks something in you, and look forward to hearing about it. You can always get me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;It was hard for me to ask for space because I felt like I’d be hurting her.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Having a space of no demand on our attention is deeply restorative.&#34;</li><li>&#34;They have no space for themselves and wonder why they’re not feeling alive.&#34;</li><li>&#34;What do we want the culture and the values of our relationship to be?&#34;</li><li>&#34;I trust that you’ll come back.&#34;</li></ul>

304: What happens if you or your partner needs space? (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/4/5/5/6a863f0e-60e9-4eb1-899b-e4570d972933_dm_303.mp3

<p>When you were a boy, did you feel comfortable being your full self?</p><p>Did you feel at ease around becoming a man -- like you knew what that meant and smoothly moved into that identity?</p><p>We live in a world where boys and young men often feel like it&#39;s not safe to be themselves, and where it can be confusing to grow into manhood.</p><p>According to Nat Damon, who runs Reach Academy for Young Men, &#34;what boys need is to be seen and heard.&#34; And for boys who need healthy role models in terms of what it means to be a mature, healthy man, places like Reach are lifelines.</p><p>Reach Academy gives boys a place to learn, grow, express themselves, bond with peers, and learn about leadership in a grounded way. Mentors there ask themselves questions like, &#34;How can we help them to see the positive elements of being a man, while at the same time addressing the roots of toxic masculinity?&#34; And, &#34;How do you create a hope-filled atmosphere?&#34;</p><p>It&#39;s more important than ever to have places where people who identify as boys and young men can take the pressure off. Where they can get attuned support, and experience healthy leadership. And where they can be witnessed in whatever it is they&#39;re going through.</p><p>If you&#39;re raising a son or sons, or if you have someone who identifies as a boy or young man in your life, you won&#39;t want to miss this.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;Boys are growing up feeling more self-conscious and seeking more ways to escape the judgment put on them.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Being a mature man is this ability to be listen and be non-judgmental.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Being interested in other people is fundamental to leadership.&#34;</li><li>&#34;The topic of loneliness is something that we’re trying to address head-on.&#34;</li><li>&#34;We were able to exhale.&#34;</li></ul><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Reach Academy: <a href="http://reachyoungmen.org" rel="nofollow">reachyoungmen.org</a></li></ul>

303: 'Boys have as rich an inner life as girls do.' (ft. Nat Damon of Reach Academy for Young Men))

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/3/29/7/db39787d-1d59-4841-9fd0-0545f2b1b0c0_dm_302.mp3

<p>What if you could read about the sex that affected someone so profoundly they were never the same? What if you wrote about the sex that changed <em>you</em> in that way?</p><p>If you&#39;re turned on by audio porn, ASMR, or sexy stories (either reading them or them being read to you), you&#39;re not alone. While we seem to be fixated on men being obsessed with visual porn, according to research nearly one in three listeners of erotic audiobooks are men. According to another poll, men now account for 18% of romance readers.</p><p>This is a good thing for several reasons, including the fact that so much romance is written by women. If you&#39;re a man who&#39;s attracted to women and want to know what gets them hot, reading or listening to erotica makes a lot of sense! Bonus: It&#39;s likely to get you going as well.</p><p>Here I interview Carly, creator of Aurore, a collection of literary erotica. The twist? All the tales are true. In Carly&#39;s words, &#34;These are stories mostly written by women about what turns them on and what gets them off.&#34;</p><p>Intrigued? Listen on.</p><p>---</p><h2>Work with us</h2><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“In each city in Europe, I decided to go on Tinder and interview people about sex.”</li><li>“I wanted him, but first I had to leave the marriage that I was languishing in, bored and ignored.”</li><li>“Even though I loved reading erotica, I was turned off by the aspects that weren’t relatable.”</li><li>“We women were having interesting sex, and were profoundly affected by a lot of the relationships we had.”</li><li>“Write your own story; that’s the only one you can truly tell.”</li><li>“I find that writing this kind of real erotica is a lot like therapy.”</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Aurore: <a href="https://readaurore.com/" rel="nofollow">readaurore.com</a></li></ul>

302: 'I ask for stories about the sex that changed you.' (ft. Carly, creator of Aurore)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/3/22/7/0fa88321-1917-4723-8db1-8d9f460734f4_dm_301.mp3

<p>&#34;As men, it often feels like we should just know how to succeed in a relationship, how to be great in bed, how to be successful in life, all under the counterintuitive expectation that we figure it all out on our own and never ask for help.&#34;</p><p>Part of our my intention with this podcast is to help men succeed in sex, dating, and relationships with women. And a large part of the gap that I seek to fill is due to exactly what this client of ours shared -- the unfair and often unnamed expectation that men should &#34;just know.&#34;</p><p>You shouldn&#39;t! It&#39;s totally normal to not know. And in my opinion (and that of most of the women I know), the most mature, healthiest, and sexiest men are the ones who are leaning into learning.</p><p>In the learning and growth process, you&#39;re likely to come across both therapy and coaching. They&#39;re similar but not the same, and it&#39;s an art to know when you need which.</p><p>Many of the men with whom we&#39;ve worked have experienced both therapy and coaching, and I polled them before this recording so I could include their lived experiences. Here, we go over the differences between them, and share some real-world examples.</p><p>Whether you&#39;re working on your sex, dating, and relationship life, or becoming stable during or after a period of anxiety and depression, there&#39;s something for you here.</p><p>---</p><h2>Work with us</h2><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“I couldn’t take certain forward-facing actions because I had these wounds from my past.”</li><li>“I might always have some of these old injuries or tender spots, so how do I move forward working with that?”</li><li>“Coaching in the community normalizes my experiences instead of isolating them to ‘it must just be me.’”</li><li>“I needed both, and one is not better than the other.”</li></ul>

301: What's the difference between therapy and coaching? (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/3/15/1/477ab91d-737e-4912-825b-320fdcf11f96_dm_300.mp3

<p>A lot of our clients crave more intimacy or closeness with their wife/relationship partner. Often this includes a longing, or a sense of something missing. As Lucas, our guest here, put it, &#34;The feeling I recall most strongly was a sense of loneliness.&#34;</p><p>Have you ever felt lonely in your relationship? If you’ve wished you and your partner were closer, or yearned for a breakthrough but didn’t know quite how to get there, you’re going to want to listen to this.</p><p>Psychedelics like MDMA, LSD, and psilocybin (the active component in magic mushrooms) are in the process of being re-legalized. And for good reason —they have incredible potential when it comes to alleviating suffering and boosting connection. Paired with quality guides (the right mentors or therapists), they can help us gain a deeper sense of love, trust, and belonging in the world.</p><p>But it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. Doing medicine (which is how we phrase it, rather than “doing drugs”) is only truly responsible when it’s combined with quality inner growth work. One of Lucas&#39;s realizations, for example, was &#34;I was the source of some of my own pain.&#34; While in a way upsetting, this was also liberating, because it meant he had control over addressing the pain. &#34;It was a letting go of my conviction that I was right, and being open to something new.&#34;</p><p>It&#39;s worth noting, as well, that these kinds of therapies don&#39;t have to be reserved for relationship distress. As Lucas put it, he and his wife sensed &#34;There&#39;s an opportunity for even more for us.&#34;</p><p>So: Can you use MDMA therapy to deepen love with your wife, regardless of where you&#39;re at in terms of level of fulfillment already? Yes. Listen to hear more.</p><p>---</p><h2>Work with us</h2><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;My need to be loved by my wife was preventing her from loving me the way she wanted to love me.&#34;</li><li>&#34;She was aware of a certain graspiness from me.&#34;</li><li>&#34;What kind of life could I live if I were never afraid of being alone?&#34;</li><li>&#34;I didn&#39;t feel a sense of, &#39;I need to solve this right now&#39; or &#39;I&#39;m a bad person for having done this.&#39;&#34;</li><li>&#34;Suddenly everything came into play because we&#39;d touched on the scariest thing.&#34;</li><li>&#34;It was really meaningful to feel her move towards me.&#34;</li><li>&#34;The difference is that now it feels really good to do the work together.&#34;</li></ul>

300: What's it like to do MDMA therapy with your wife? (ft. Lucas)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/3/8/8/b9557b5e-baf9-4dff-b1ea-cd9ec0c9fbc3_dm_299.mp3

<p>Would you ever consider using a matchmaker? In a world of dating apps (and let&#39;s be real -- those are rough for a LOT of people!), not to mention a whole lotta ghosting, matchmaking is an appealing notion for many.</p><p>Plus, matchmakers play a unique role in that they speak to both parties, before and after dates. They&#39;re able, therefore, to give people honest feedback about how they&#39;re coming across, and help them make adjustments.</p><p>Here I chat with Anika, a matchmaker for Three Day Rule, about how we can all get more honest in dating. We also talk about how men and women differ when it comes to their must-haves and dealbreakers -- as someone who has spoken to hundreds if not thousands of people by now, that&#39;s actually quite interesting. She also shares some memorable matches she has made over the years. This is a sweet one!</p><p>---</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;There are women who wonder why they’re not being approached, but they don’t have an approachable aura.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Success means different things to different people.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Dating really is a numbers game … the more conversations you have, the higher chance you’re going to find someone you want to move forward with.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Some people have told me, &#39;I’ve gotten deeper with you than I’ve gotten with my therapist.&#39;&#34;</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Anika&#39;s site: <a href="http://askanika.com" rel="nofollow">askanika.com</a></li><li>Anika&#39;s Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/nikarashaun/" rel="nofollow">@nikarashaun</a></li></ul>

299: Matchmaking: Is it still relevant? (ft. Anika Rashaun)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/3/1/9/0cb8b819-430e-403d-935f-50091e7650e7_dm_298.mp3

<p>This episode is pulled from the podcast Ask Women, where I myself was the guest! We delve into my sex research here, in which I asked over 1,065 women about the men who were best in bed.</p><p>But this isn&#39;t just about finding the clit. It&#39;s a deeper conversation about how to talk about difficult subjects. Why is hard to talk about what we actually like or want in sex? Why is it so hard for a woman to tell a man that something isn&#39;t working sexually? It&#39;s actually the same reason it&#39;s hard to tell a colleague that something they do bothers you.</p><p>If you want a woman to open to you sexually, and make sex great for her (whether you&#39;re dating someone or in a committed relationship), it&#39;s helpful to know how to set things up. Among other things, you want to know how ask the right questions in the right way. And it&#39;s always helpful to hear from women themselves about what they crave, what delights them, what turns them on, and what works for their specific body. Learning to be skillful in asking is part of becoming the unstoppable, sexually empowered divine masculine.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;I was like ... what?!&#34;</li><li>&#34;Sex is important to human beings.&#34;</li><li>&#34;I almost feel like telling a man the sex isn&#39;t good is a mortal sin.&#34;</li><li>&#34;He played me like a fine instrument.&#34;</li></ul>

298: Becoming skillful at sexual communication -- let's talk about it. (ft. Kristen Carney of Ask Women)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/2/23/8/eb99c929-bc5d-436f-b90f-9613c479b0c1_dm_297.mp3

<p>Polarity can help you have a hot sex &amp; dating life, not to mention a stronger love relationship overall. <em>And</em> like many things in life, it&#39;s not a perfect concept; there are issues with it.</p><p>&#34;In what ways have you found polarity to be useful in your sex and relationship life? In what ways have you found it to be off or problematic?&#34;</p><p>I posed these questions to our clients in an effort to help shine a light on the problems with polarity. I believe polarity can be hugely helpful in understanding sexual attraction and heat, as well as trust and fulfillment, in both short- and long-term relationships. I also believe it can help us understand ourselves better as human beings in our own rights, not just in interpersonal dynamics.</p><p>Becoming skillful with polarity is a valuable goal, and including its flaws in the conversation is important. Here we delve into what we see as the top three problems with polarity, and how to use it as a force of good in sex, dating, and relationships.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;Alpha is often observing and omega is being observed.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Things can be in opposition without being in conflict.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Polarity is not an excuse for abusive behavior.&#34;</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Other helpful episodes on polarity:</h3><ul><li><a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/fr/podcast/181-what-exactly-is-polarity-we-break-it-down-ft-violet/id1347811999?i=1000543846981" rel="nofollow">181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down.</a> (ft. Violet Lange)</li><li><a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/103-reverse-polarity-can-kill-your-sex-life-as-a-couple-unless-you-do-this-ft-violet-jason-lange/" rel="nofollow">103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this</a></li></ul>

297: The problems with polarity (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/2/16/4/823ff21f-c299-495a-b4e7-5a29c2d04981_dm_296.mp3

<p>As a woman, I sometimes feel like saying to all the Nice Guys out there: <strong>We need you!</strong></p><p>We need you on the court, in the game, on the field of Life. We need you not just as romantic partners (though we do desperately want you there), but as fathers, as colleagues, as teammates.</p><p>And we need you to be in your power. We need you to be able to speak up for yourself, to tell use the truth (even if it&#39;s uncomfortable), to come towards us sexually, to set healthy boundaries. We need your <em>full</em> self.</p><p>If you identify as a Nice Guy, it&#39;s likely that you&#39;re working on stepping into your power. And we want to support you in that. Here, we don&#39;t just talk about what it means to step into your power, but share success stories of men we&#39;ve worked with who&#39;ve gone from feeling disempowered/unable to take up space ... to asserting themselves in healthy and deeply satisfying ways.</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;When I’ve been out of my power, it’s when I’ve lost connection to myself.&#34;</li><li>&#34;It was easier to just let her control everything, and not assert much agency, let alone power. This worked for a while, but eventually blew up in my face.&#34;</li><li>&#34;I’m happy to interrupt people now (in a way I did not used to).&#34;</li><li>&#34;I often used to fall into others people’s desires or wants.&#34;</li><li>&#34;In relationship it’s, &#39;Here’s my truth, what’s your truth, and then how can we empower each other?&#39;&#34;</li><li>---</li></ul><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><h3>Other episodes related to this one:</h3><ul><li><a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/239-realized-im-a-nice-guy-now-what-do-i-do-about-it-ft-jason-lange/" rel="nofollow">Episode 239</a>: Realized I’m a &#34;Nice Guy.&#34; Now what do I do about it?</li><li><a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/6-from-nice-guy-to-confident-with-women-married-to-a-goddess-ft-jason-lange/" rel="nofollow">Episode 6</a>: From &#34;Nice Guy&#34; to Confident With Women &amp; Married to a Goddess</li></ul>

296: What does it actually mean to step into your power? (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/2/9/7/5a1215c2-a517-4105-adae-7c4bcadff000_dm_237_new.mp3

<p>Here&#39;s a pattern we&#39;ve noticed in a lot of the men we work with:</p><p>They&#39;ve never gone after the women they <em>really</em> wanted. As one man put it, &#34;A lot of times the girls that I’ve attracted have come to me … and haven&#39;t been the most stable.&#34;</p><p>For some men, these dating relationships have even turned into marriages -- without the man necessarily wanting things to go that way. He has felt swept along by the current, often going along with what she wants rather than deeply considering his own wants and needs.</p><p>If a lot of the sexual or romantic relationships you&#39;ve been in have been because a woman approached you, rather than you taking the lead, you might fall into this category. Or if you&#39;ve been too intimidated or scared to pursue women you find really attractive, this could be you. (We also cover super-crushes here, which you may relate to.)</p><p>Fortunately there are things you can do to interrupt the pattern, and stand up for what you truly want. We&#39;ve worked with countless clients who&#39;ve learned how to stop being passive and become active agents in their own sex, dating, and relationship lives -- and it has absolutely changed the game.</p><p>Remember: It’s always possible to heal trauma, grow as a person, build community, and enjoy a thriving love and sex life. Listen on to hear more!</p><h3>---</h3><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>&#34;I was getting hung up on partners that weren&#39;t really interested or available.&#34;</li><li>&#34;There was this other thing going on is that the women that liked me, I didn&#39;t want. So I felt stuck.&#34;</li><li>&#34;It turns out, it was me!&#34;</li><li>&#34;The hidden thing was that having a supercrush was very safe.&#34;</li><li>&#34;I never actually had to confront my edges of intimacy.&#34;</li></ul>

295: Ever 'fallen into' a relationship?  (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/2/2/6/3d0e6c92-ba6f-4ff6-8562-d8e9e65c7a69_dm_294.mp3

<p>It&#39;s a solo episode! I pulled together some questions from clients or listeners, and go into depth on them.</p><p>Remember that you can always send me <em>your</em> question or questions -- just email me at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Everything is on the table, from sex and dating to relationships and repair. I want to hear from you!</p><p>Here are the questions I answer on this episode:</p><ul><li>How do I rebuild trust with a partner after a rupture, or a lack of leading over time?</li><li>How do I date someone in the same friend group without it getting weird?</li><li>I went on a date with a woman and it went pretty well, but we didn&#39;t kiss at the end. I got the sense (especially in thinking back) that she wanted me to kiss her when we were outside waiting for her ride. It&#39;s tough because it&#39;s so hard to know what the right thing to do is. How do I know when it&#39;s time to kiss her on a date??</li></ul><p>---</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h2>Mentioned on this episode:</h2><ul><li><a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/238-how-do-i-approach-a-woman-at-the-gym-without-bothering-her-and-other-common-dating-questions-ft-me/" rel="nofollow">Dear Men episode 238</a>: How do I approach a woman at the gym? How do I approach a woman at work?</li></ul>

294: How do I rebuild trust with a partner? (ft. me!)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/1/26/6/150f72fd-504e-47f8-b421-e7d1891874c9_dm_293.mp3

<p>Does it feel exiting for your woman to be <em>fully</em> open with you, feel deeply cherished, and want to f*** your brains out?</p><p>Then you’re going to want to listen to this one. </p><p>You’re likely familiar with polarity — that sacred dance between alpha &amp; omega. It’s a potent force that shows up in dating, sex, love relationships, and beyond (and helps explain the mystery of attraction).</p><p>But polarity also includes the 3 stages of relating. As we mature in relationships, we can graduate from stage 1 (we’re in rigidly-defined roles), to stage 2 (we talk through everything), to stage 3 — the topic of this episode. </p><p>Stage 3 relationships are cutting-edge. They go beyond societal norms. Stage 3 is exciting, pioneering, and embodied. And in Jason’s words, “it tends to *wake us up* as men.” </p><p>This kind of relating makes things sexy in relationship, and it also makes things deeply safe — if you know how to work it. The truth is, most omega partners deeply yearn to be fully, truly expressed, and in stage 3, that&#39;s the name of the game. In Jason&#39;s words, “Through your direction, you can invite expression.”</p><p>If you want to lead your woman in ways you’ve never even considered — if you want to provide a space within which she can both deeply relax and feel even more of her heart, and even soul, listen on.</p><p><em>Note: Credit to </em><a href="https://www.amazon.com/stores/David-Deida/author/B001JP7M1A?isDramIntegrated=true&ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true" rel="nofollow"><em>David Deida’s</em></a><em> work on polarity and the stages of relationships. </em></p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>---</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“I used to try to explain why what she was feeling was wrong.”</li><li>“I had so much resistance to the Hot Mess archetype because I was punished by my parents for being that.”</li><li>“In stage 2 it’s about wanting it to end — I want to release and get us back to peace. But in stage 3, it’s like, ‘Bring it all. Let’s ride this wave.’”</li><li>“Tell me that again, but like a hippo.”</li><li>“Once we welcome the expression of energy fully, it often resolves itself … you don’t have to do nearly as much as you think.”</li></ul>

293: Give it to me whining! (Ft. Jason & Violet Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/1/19/8/fdb9a362-ccbf-4365-86cb-37bf01261849_dm_103_new_1_19_24.mp3

<p>If you want a thriving sex and relationship life, you&#39;ll benefit from knowing about polarity. Polarity, shorthand for the healthy dance between omega energy (aka feminine) and alpha energy (aka masculine), is both life-affirming and <em>hot</em>, whether it&#39;s in the context of dating or a long-term relationship.</p><p>In man/woman relationships, when a man embodies alpha and a woman embodies omega a good amount of the time (not all the time, but in certain key moments), the result is a thriving sex life.</p><p>But the opposite is also true -- when a woman is more in her alpha energy and a man is more in his omega, you can get &#34;reverse polarity.&#34; This can, among other things, damage your sex life as a couple.</p><p>We see this a lot in our work, and explore the concept in more depth here. It may be a bit confronting to hear about the pattern in such detail, and it&#39;s important to keep in mind that nothing is fixed. Human beings, including couple and those in love relationships, can always grow.</p><p>Even if you&#39;re experiencing reverse polarity, you can both grow in different ways and generate polarity again. We can always expand our consciousness and capacity -- it just takes some work and sometimes some skilled guidance to get there. The good news? Figuring this out can lead to the most satisfying sex <em>and</em> connection of your life.</p><p>Note: The concept of polarity comes in part from David Deida&#39;s work, and in addition to reverse polarity, here we also delve into the concepts of first-, second-, and third-stage relationships.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p>

292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit (ft. Violet & Jason Lange) [replay]

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/1/12/10/2965bd3e-6a44-48af-a04f-7d332f187abf_dm_291.mp3

<p>As a client recently put it, where do you go to &#34;scrimmage&#34; with women? How and where do you practice relating, flirting, and connecting with the feminine? It can feel like the stakes are high once you&#39;re on an actual date (not to mention getting to sexy time and beyond).</p><p>Here we talk all about that! We cover communities where relating (and practicing relating authentically) is the name of the game. We give you concrete suggestions on where to go during your week to get practice in with women, as well as what kinds of events to prioritize.</p><p>This is doable. You can join communities where there&#39;s a regular partner practice, find spots where women are but someone else sets the container so you can focus on relating to her, and more. We want to support and encourage healthy relationships, and practice around dating can help. It&#39;s the new year -- LFG!</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love lives for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>—</p><h3>Memorable quotes</h3><ul><li>&#34;Online dating can be crushing.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Structure in your life can lead to other structures.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Half my female clients meet their partners in real life.&#34;</li><li>&#34;Creating a structure in your week where there are opportunities to be around new women can be a game-changer.&#34;</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Violet&#39;s program: <a href="http://www.violetlange.com/radiantlove" rel="nofollow">Radiant Love</a></li><li><a href="https://missjaiya.com/" rel="nofollow">Jaiya&#39;s</a> community work with the erotic blueprints</li><li><a href="https://www.londinangelwinters.com/" rel="nofollow">Londin Angel Winters</a> &amp; <a href="https://www.justinpatrickpierce.com/" rel="nofollow">Justin Patrick Pierce&#39;s</a> work</li></ul>

291: Want to get better at dating? Here are 3 ways to practice with women (ft. Violet Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2024/1/5/7/d475718a-88bb-4180-b947-b4ba343e8845_dm_290.mp3

<p>When you were growing up, did you have a host of great role models when it came to how to be a good man?</p><p>No, probably not. The vast majority of men with whom we work lacked solid role models for healthy masculinity, both at home and at school. This damaged their ability to succeed in dating, relationships, and sex, and led to a lot of suffering.</p><p>Scott Kaltenbaugh is working to change that. He&#39;s in the school system working in the classroom as well as doing one-on-one mentorship with boys and young men. The goal is to teach them how to be &#34;a calm but assured version of masculinity.&#34;</p><p>But how do you do that? What do you teach, and how do you describe what it is to wield power? Listen for a fascinating view into an inspiring potential future for us as a culture. (Also, if you have sons or may have sons in the future, this one will be of particular interest to you.)</p><p>---</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love life for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>—</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“I was starting to see so much toxic masculinity I started to devalue my own masculinity.”</li><li>“These boys don’t get shown possibilities — it’s just, ‘Don’t be these things.’”</li><li>“I started to see how much harm our boys are facing.”</li><li>“I can’t control what the world does to me, but I can control how I meet that.”</li><li>“Emotion are tools. They’re important.”</li><li>“Power is our ability to meet and shape the world around us.”</li><li>“Sometimes it’s important to bond shoulder-to-shoulder; sometimes it’s important to bond face-to-face.”</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Mentioned on the episode</h3><ul><li>Scott&#39;s program, the <a href="https://improject.co/" rel="nofollow">Inspiring Men Project</a>, and <a href="http://scottakaltenbaugh.com" rel="nofollow">his own site</a></li><li><a href="https://medium.com/illumination/consent-classes-kenyas-unique-approach-to-rape-prevention-3ab1b8d5289b" rel="nofollow">This is Your Moment</a> (program to stop rape)</li><li><a href="https://www.rainn.org/" rel="nofollow">RAINN</a> (Rape &amp; Incest National Network) -- free, confidential chat-based support for anyone who has experience any form of sexual assault</li><li><a href="https://www.sonzyouth.org/" rel="nofollow">Sacred Sonz</a> -- virtual and in-person support for boys and teens</li></ul>

290: Teaching healthy masculinity in schools! The Inspiring Men Project (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2023/12/29/8/490420c4-e5d7-4ed4-b910-175215bba8b2_dm_289.mp3

<p>Ever been in a relationship where you felt like it started off GREAT, but over time it became really hard? Ever felt like you had electric sex with someone, especially at the beginning, but then you were often put in the doghouse for doing something &#34;wrong,&#34; and that eventually you ended up constantly walking on eggshells to try not to trigger your partner? Then you&#39;ll likely resonate with this episode.</p><p>If you&#39;re someone who struggles with setting healthy boundaries, you may have noticed a certain pattern in terms of the dating and relationship partners you&#39;ve ended up with.</p><p>In our work with men we&#39;ve often seen a certain kind of polarity where men with Nice Guy tendencies attract women with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). These women are often brilliant, funny, engaging, witty, exciting to be around ... and volatile. Romantic relationships with them can be a rollercoaster with precipitous highs and lows.</p><p>Fortunately, we&#39;ve also seen countless men overcome this pattern and grow beyond it. Here we delve into the pattern itself, reasons behind it, and what to do about it.</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love life for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>—</p><h3>Memorable quotes:</h3><ul><li>“One of the hallmark traits of Nice Guys is overextending.”</li><li>“It’s often the volatile person’s nervous system that gets centered.”</li><li>“If you don’t see reality their way, you’re the enemy.”</li><li>“There’s a fear that if I end this, I’m going to be alone.&#34;</li><li>“At an early age, the Nice Guy had to regulate one of his parents, or the family system itself.”</li><li>“Maybe me speaking up <em>isn’t</em> aggressive.”</li></ul><p>---</p><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Dear Men <a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/239-realized-im-a-nice-guy-now-what-do-i-do-about-it-ft-jason-lange/" rel="nofollow">episode 239</a>: Just realized I&#39;m a nice guy. Now what?</li><li>Dear Men <a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/128-feel-like-youre-walking-on-eggshells-recognizing-borderline-personality-disorder-ft-violet-lange/" rel="nofollow">episode 128</a>: Feel like you&#39;re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder</li></ul>

289: Do Nice Guys tend to attract volatile women? (ft. Jason Lange)

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2023/12/22/7/07e294d6-f934-403f-a616-69de123aac45_dm_136_replay.mp3

<p>Divorce is a complex and often sensitive topic. For many, there are questions of success and failure, grief and loss, as well as the question of what we’re role-modeling to our children.</p><p>Questions can come up like, “Is it honoring of myself to stay in this relationship? Should I stay because I made a vow, even if it sacrifices my well-being? And if we do get divorced, will I ever find another partner?”</p><p>Here, three men reveal their truth around their process of getting divorced, as well as their experiences dating, having sex, and getting into new relationships post-divorce.</p><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“I didn’t feel safe to voice my needs with my partner.”</li><li>“I felt like my identity was being snuffed out in my marriage.”</li><li>“It was a deep-dive back into my passions.”</li><li>“Am I worthy? Will a quality woman say yes to this?”</li><li>“We’re both doing work and we support each other.”</li></ul><p>—</p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love life for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p>

288: GuyTalk: What dating is like after getting divorced

https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/pod-public-media-files/2023/12/15/11/bcaf122b-7850-4634-b4b2-fd0a44844f04_dm_287.mp3

<p>This episode is kinda edgy! Here we (a small group of women who are attracted to men) give you a peek behind the curtain in terms of what we really <em>crave</em> from the masculine. The thing we rarely outline so starkly.</p><p>The truth is, many of us human beings limit ourselves when it comes to having it all. We think we can <em>either</em> have a job we like, or one that pays us well ... we can <em>either</em> settle down and become &#39;boring,&#39; or have an exciting life without stability.</p><p>This pattern of thinking is especially obvious when it comes to sex, dating, and relationships. A lot of people struggle with believing they can have a partner who is BOTH one thing and another thing. And for women who are attracted to men, that is frequently: I want to feel claimed/ravaged AND respected/cherished.</p><p>There&#39;s more to it than that, and here we get down and dirty with it. Listen on for insight into the light and dark masculine, fuckboys at Da Club, the shame we hold around this pattern, and how to embody everything a woman yearns for. </p><h1>Work with us</h1><p>Ready to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex &amp; love life for good.</p><p>To see if there&#39;s a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call <a href="https://evolutionary.men/apply/" rel="nofollow">here</a>. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)</p><p>—</p><h3>Mentioned on this episode:</h3><ul><li>Dear Men <a href="https://www.melaniecurtin.com/podcast/269-what-women-truly-crave-from-men-ft-jason-lange/" rel="nofollow">Episode 269</a>: The heart/cock matrix</li></ul><h3>Memorable quotes from this episode:</h3><ul><li>“I can either have fun … or be married.”</li><li>“I liked the feeling of being respected, but I didn’t feel juicy.”</li><li>“This is the best sex that I’ve ever had with anybody.”</li><li>“I could trust that he would show up, and see parts of me that I wasn’t necessarily proud of.”</li><li>“It’s not something you do or say. It’s a vibe!”</li></ul>

287: GirlTalk: The either/or conundrum in sex, dating, and relationships

How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen