"Alarm Clock Fired for Doing Its Job Too Well"

The decision was framed as a professional dismissal rather than an impulsive toss into the trash. Jensen even conducted a mock performance review, citing the alarm clock’s “lack of emotional intelligence” and “failure to adapt to the needs of a modern workplace.” When asked what he planned to replace the device with, Jensen replied: “Probably my phone. It’s less… aggressive. At least the ringtone is polite.”