Where two middle-aged sex nerds read between the pickup lines. Enjoy our snarky and sincere tips and traps (and a little adult sex ed) as we review dating profiles and navigate online dating.

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In Season 2 Episode 6, Kris and Lauren discuss a poor human who really doesn’t look like he wants to be online dating and a dude that we wish had more hesitancy.Lauren’s profile highlights include: The challenges of smiling, a dull-colored wardrobe, an equally dull picture of an alley, potential self-deprecation, and choosing comedy as a passion. Overall we feel badly for how uncomfortable this person seems; we’re wincing just thinking about it.Kris’ profile highlights include: Giant cakes on boats, classism, how to take respectful travel photos, being mindful of how your text pairs with your photos, reflecting on the brilliance of boasting about drunken hookups, and what our early 20-something profiles would have looked like. Overall, this profile left us speechless as to how wrong it is.Pop over to our website to learn more about what to do if you hate having your picture taken in this week’s The More You Know<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow"> https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

A Boring Landscape and a Belching Tourist

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In Season 2 Episode 5, episode, Kris and Lauren discuss some profiles shared by our listeners (aka our friends). Fascinatingly, these are the best and worst profiles we’ve reviewed so far.Lauren’s profile highlights include: College crushes, Kris’s knowledge of booze and glassware, naked body shot culture, and gender norms and ethical non-monogamy. Overall, our most successful profile to date.Kris’ profile highlights include: So. Much. Drama. Leading Kris to say “Even a porno and has dialogue” and Lauren to say “Like a fawn in the field…” Overall, this profile left us astonished. You gotta listen to believe.Pop over to our website to learn more about how personal disclosures right in this week’s The More You Know<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow"> https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

Submitted Profiles! A Dandy Pool Boy and a Woman Who Has Nothing to Hide

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In Season 2 Episode 4, Kris and Lauren discuss interest from people 20 years+ our juniors. It gets weird.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Teens!, pickup lines, snappy dressing, and sending affirmations. We respect the honesty in this profile, and it allows us to make an educated decision about not matching with him. We end on a commentary on power dynamics and how young men can also be survivors of abusive relationships. Kris’ profile highlights include: Out-dated sunglasses, happy endings, online dating app algorithms, and a brief peek into what we were like in our 20s. We stray away from the profile sent and talk about the realities of dating someone half our age. For sunglass reference photo, check out these <a href="https://shopatshowcaseusa.com/products/tacglasses-blue-blocker" rel="nofollow">https://shopatshowcaseusa.com/products/tacglasses-blue-blocker</a>Pop over to our website to learn more about difficult conversations about power in this week’s The More You Know<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow"> https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

Enter the 20-year-olds: A Literal Catfish and a Pug in a Sweater

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In Season 2 Episode 3, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who likes to bend over in a greenhouse and a woman who for some reason chose to take a selfie while sitting on the can.Kris’ profile highlights include: Keg-looking things, bicep appreciation, a stunning woman stealing his thunder, and considering your “above the fold” content. And hay. This profile left us pondering credit scores and what they communicate -- intentionally or not.Lauren’s profile highlights include: A TLC shoutout, a playful, pressure free profile narrative, cleavage shots, the challenges of fishnets, and phone hygiene tips. Overall, this profile reminded us how important it is for your profile pics to match your intentions/questioning this person’s happiness.Pop over to our website to learn more about money talk on dating apps in this week’s The More You Know<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow"> https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a> Pro-Tip: Read these show notes while listening to Creep by TLC (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZydtG3xqI" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZydtG3xqI</a>).

A Man in a Greenhouse and a Lady on a Toilet

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In Season 2 Episode 2, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman in a time capsule and a dude that teases us with over-promised shirtlessness.Kris’ profile highlights include: Big hair, a soft focus, and a feeling of inauthenticity. Overall, the profile left us confused about what decade the single photo was taken in.Lauren’s profile highlights include: the importance of height, bare shoulders, two elephant trunks, and why people choose to post pictures of themselves with exotic animals. Overall, the profile made us hope that the guy wasn’t as insensitive to animals as he might be.Pop over to our website to learn more about the relationship between FRIES and Consent and how they can be helpful in this week’s The More You Know<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow"> https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

A Woman in a Time Capsule and Over-Promised Shirtlessness

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Welcome back! In Season 2, Episode 1 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss Lauren’s experience of trying a new app that seems SO PROMISING in the beginning and then goes downhill from there.In this episode, we discuss gender identity, survey consistency, and how much detail to share about sexual desires and pleasures in a publicly accessible dating profile.Inspired by the &#34;what&#39;s in your bedroom&#34; component of HUD, we wonder, what’s on your yes, no, maybe list? Pop over to our website to learn more about sexual inventory lists and how they can be helpful in this week’s The More You Know <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a> .

App Review! Mixing it up with Kink-friendly HUD

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In this brief episode, Kris and Lauren share their reflections on podcasting this season and their favorite profile highlights.  Pop over to website to get links to the links to those episodes <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>.

BONUS! Season 1 Reflections & Favorite Moments

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In this final episode of Season 1 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren share two stories and the lessons they learned as they connect with people they met online. Kris’ storytime highlights include: The ripped social justice advocate from Episode 9 writes back! Kris shares how that went as we reflect on boundaries, the lies we tell ourselves, and managing this fucking pandemic. Lauren’s storytime highlights include: Lauren’s appreciation for “soft,” sexual inventories and articulating pleasure, and a “hard no.” Kris manages to reference Letterkenny yet again. Lauren shares how they put on their sex educator hat to talk about boundary setting with their match. The results may surprise you!Pop over to our website to learn more about consent and respecting boundaries in this week’s The More You Know <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

Story Time!

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Happy Lesbian Visibility Day! In this episode, Kris and Lauren discuss a ripped social justice advocate and a “Lady-Loving Lady.”Kris’ profile highlights include: Our praise of consistent profiles, dopamine hits, hypocrisy, and astrological tattoos. Overall, this profile left Lauren and Kris drooling a little.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Confusing profile pictures, biphobia, and Kris and Lauren sussing out their feelings about a certain phrase. Overall, this profile gives us an opportunity to discuss discrimination and oppression while still loving on lesbians and most “lady-loving ladies.” We all learn together!Pop over to our website to learn more about Lauren’s feelings about exclusionary queerness in this week’s The More You Know <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a> - It’s a doozy!

A Ripped Social Justice Advocate & A Lady-Loving Lady

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In this episode of B4U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a weed-smoking skier with a violent side and a karaoke-loving, suit-wearing dominant.Content Warning: In this episode we discuss relationship violence because of a profile image we describe. Please take care of yourself as you decide whether or not to listen. If you need support (an ear, planning, local resources), reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) or chat live through their website <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" rel="nofollow">https://www.thehotline.org/</a> - you can also find information on what to expect if you call. We’ve used this hotline and are incredibly grateful it exists.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Dom jams, dating people who are going through a divorce, the stressors that can enter a relationship, and the awesomeness that is karaoke. Overall, this profile perked Kris right up! Lauren’s profile highlights include: Dom jams, dating people who are going through a divorce, the stressors that can enter a relationship, and the awesomeness that is karaoke. Overall, this profile perked Kris right up! And for easy reference and giggles: Vandelay Latex <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPxXPIdXWX0" rel="nofollow">video clip</a> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPxXPIdXWX0]Kris’ profile highlights include: love languages, dating violence, and classism. This profile is horrible and we break our non-judgemental vibe to tell our listeners never to post violent images.Pop over to our website to learn more about the research on Laws of Attraction (Mate vs Unique Value). Get some tips on how to swipe smarter in this week’s The More You Know <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>.

A Violent Weed-smoking Skier and Karaoke "Domme"

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Kris and Lauren discuss a kilt-wearing dude with a fish and an affluent couple with car trouble Lauren’s profile highlights include: ambiguous couple composition, interpreting drama, math, car aesthetics, and Netflix as a hobby. This profile is a great example as to what couples who are looking for “fun” should NOT do to attract someone. Kris’ profile highlights include: barn terminology, dad bods, establishing trust, get to know your firefighter day, masculinity, and presenting your authentic self. While this guy seemed pretty darn cute, we question how honest he is. Pop over to our website to learn more about the research on profile honesty in this week’s The More You Know <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

A dude with a Kilt and a Fish and An Affluent Couple with Car Trouble

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In this bonus content, Kris and Lauren spend more time unpacking why we care about gender in profiles, particularly as it relates to the violent sexualized art shared in Kris’ profile. We reflect on gender identity and our reactions to the art through a gender/patriarchy framework. Reminder: Gender and sex are not a binary (there are more than two genders and more than two sexes naturally and beautifully occurring across humans)! Gender is a social construction!

Gender Identity  & Unsettling Art BONUS

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In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a bro with a fancy watch and an unsettling profile image. Note, this profile includes cartoon violence that leads to a brief discussion of gender and violence.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Carefully crafted superficial fanciness, versatility in ball caps, an inexplicable motivational poster, Tinder dismissiveness while being on Tinder, and a beer debate that includes Lauren’s beer snobbery and Kris’ lesson that “Every beer has its place.” Overall, we couldn’t get past the superficiality, arrogance, and were left wondering, WTF is this dude bro thinking?Kris’ profile highlights include: Where do we even begin? Shy Tinder writer with a vivid, explicit, provocative image including a school girl, a hammer, and a deranged Thumper (Pop over to the website to see the de-identified image). Interpreting representations of violence, art-based subcultures, and how gender shifts our read of profiles. Also a reminder to credit other people’s artwork - even on Tinder! Be sure to check out the bonus follow up content on gender identity.This week on The More you Know we share a profile image and discuss sexualized violence an Thumper. Pop over to our website for more <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/episode-notes" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/episode-notes</a>

WTF Tinder & Unsettling Art

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In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a tough, proud right-wing femme and an arrogant aspiring astral projector. Brace yourselves for Lauren’s loudest cackle and a “Dear men” moment. Lauren’s profile highlights include: Our first submitted profile! A “New right” woman who hates bad hats. We marvel at their gender norms and appreciate an unexpected Marx joke. Our bias against white supremacist right-wingers comes through loud and clear. Overall, the profile is effective in telling a story and sparking conversation. It’s just not a conversation we want to have. Postscript: We recorded this episode before January 6, 2021. Now we wonder, was she at the Capitol and part of the insurrection? Maybe.Kris’ profile highlights include: Men using words people don’t know (and being a dick about it),  stalker vibes, spaced out selfies, and references to moon beams and astral projecting. PSA: It isn’t cute when you try to boss around women or femme people. Unless they’ve consented to submissive power play, you’re actually just being an asshole. Overall, the profile was baffling and aggravating. Always, f*ck the patriarchy. The More you Know: Gendered swiping patternsDr. Kris pulls out her research nerd hat and discusses gender differences in profile compositions, and how they impact whether or not someone chooses to swipe right. She also provides evidence-based tips on how you can increase your matches. Pop over to the website to learn more! https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

A Right-Wing Femme and an Arrogant Aspiring Astral Projector

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Kris and Lauren discuss a woman who seems to have one really good side and a couple looking for some playmates. Lauren’s profile highlights include: Our memories of black bras and white tank top, getting started dating later in life, and an important conversation about consent when including other people in your images and respecting dancers and sex workers. Overall, this profile was solid, but we wished for better photo choices. Kris’ profile highlights include: This was a doozy! Bisexual couple with no photos for a pretty awkward reason! Some words of caution when considering playing with or advertising as a couple. Challenges with race and ethnicity disclosure and interracial couple fetishization. We talk about classism, power dynamics, and risks when proposing weekend getaways. Bonus! Safety planning and check-ins (“My cat’s on fire!”), and bonding with bartenders post bad date. Overall, the profile made us uncomfortable for a 1,000 reasons. The More You Know: CompersionInspired by a profile&#39;s reference to &#34;compersion&gt;jealousy,&#34; in this episode&#39;s The More You Know, we focus on the joys of compersion. Compersion is about the way our hearts expand (and we get a dose of happy chemicals in our bodies) when we learn about the joy of others we are connected to. This can happen in any relationship! Pop over to our website for more https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

A Woman with One Good Side  & A Couple Looking for Playmates

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Kris and Lauren discuss a “vintage” white guy looking for a long term relationship and a queer, vegan, monogamous, sober human.Kris’ profile highlights include: Feelings about grammar and punctuation, choices in profile metaphors (another man and a car!), mysterious “gifts,” the baggage of claiming “no baggage,” and posing for photos. Overall, the profile left us wanting and wondering if a physical therapist was involved in its creation.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Our feelings about cooking shows, the pros and cons of specific references (more metaphors!), wardrobe choices, and disclosing sobriety. This profile left Kris pretty intrigued and somewhat wishing she were younger and living in Chicago.The More You Know: Photo Selection!Check out some tips on how to select your photos at our website. https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

A "Vintage" White Guy & A Queer Vegan

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Kris and Lauren discuss a world traveling burner and bad carpet that pretty much matches the drapes. Kris’ profile highlights include: Introverts, soul patches, living bear skin rugs, sexting, and the merits of headless torso shots. Overall, the profile delivers, even if we don’t love all choices.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Baby shit brown carpet, mismatched “passions” and images, theorizing why some people create profiles not designed for matching, and the story of WizardCat (oh, WizardCat - if you see this, find meeee!). This profile left us laughing and wondering, why?The More you Know Topic: Safe(r), Consensual SextingSexting, or sending sexually explicit images, videos, or messages, can be a great tool for foreplay, full play, or just a way to kill time. Like all forms of sexual expression, it isn’t for everyone and that’s okay!Check out some sexting guidelines to live by at the website <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

A World Traveling Burner and Baffling Bad Carpet

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This a 2-minute love note, acknowledgment of our fallibility, and commitment to our community. While our intentions are to promote laughter and sex positive reflection on online dating, we acknowledge we aren’t perfect (duh) and are recording spontaneous reactions. If we miss something, say something that is hurtful, or otherwise could do better, please let us know. In the interim, know you are valid, you are beautiful, and you matter. Take what makes you laugh and think, and feel free to shout “f* them” when we get it wrong.

Take What’s Good, Leave the Rest: A Disclaimer

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Check out this 8-minute introductory bonus clip to get to know a little more about us (a couple of degree-wielding, social-justice-advocating, sex-positive humans) and the purpose of the podcast (entertainment and a little adult sex ed)!Highlights include sex robots, aol chat rooms, and orgasms over loud speakers.Not sure what sex positive means? Check out this blog post from Pervocacy (<a href="https://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-i-mean-when-i-say-im-sex-positive.html" rel="nofollow">https://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-i-mean-when-i-say-im-sex-positive.html</a>) sharing their take, and this post from Everyday Feminism on what it is not <a href="https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/08/10-things-sex-positivity-is-not/" rel="nofollow">https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/08/10-things-sex-positivity-is-not/</a>

Who the F* Are We and What the F* Is This?: An Intro

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Dr. Lauren encourages you to check out the episode notes to get some more tips and traps in content we call “The More You Know.” Jump over to our website [<a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>] for more

Check out the Episode Notes!

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Hear some first episode jitters as we review profiles without photos. Kris and Lauren discuss a questionably positive gentleman and a queer woman who really wants to get to know you. Both profiles also want you to know, they work out. Kris’ profile highlights include:  Egregious capitalization (and a wish for secret decoder messages), a fixation on “good manners” (and why only dudes seem to comment on this), lurking subtext, weird repetition and considering how you elaborate, and Portland’s love of the outdoors. Overall, Kris and Lauren were pretty unimpressed.Lauren’s profile highlights include: Queerness, labels, and choices with acronyms; judgmental working out; healing journeys and setting boundaries. Also, emojis as profile summary and/ or generational difference (plus a Lucky Lager story!). This profile left us feeling like this person may aggressively judge us, cross boundaries, and wouldn’t be great at affirming their playmate, but we liked that they created a clear 3-part essay and job ad. And, always, Black Lives f*cking Matter. The More you Know Topic: Heteronormativity and labels in the queer community. In this episode you hear us briefly discuss queer, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, and sapiosexual orientations. Some people might wonder, why so many labels? That’s because sexuality is diverse! There’s not just one way to be queer* (or straight!), labels may help us find similar people, and help us advocate for our rights. However, labels aren’t universal or singular.To learn more about labels, how to respond, and why they matter [one reason: heteronormativity], bop over to our website for the complete episode notes <a href="https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home" rel="nofollow">https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home</a>

A questionably positive gentleman and a queer who really wants to get to know you

A Questionably Positive Gentleman and a Queer Who REALLY Wants to Get to Know You