EP19 Finding a Voice with Khakan Qureshi

In this episode of Chai & Chat, Ranjit and Sundari are joined by writer, community organiser and LGBTQ+ advocate Khakan Qureshi for a powerful conversation about memory, queerness, family, faith and finding your voice in the Black Country.

Khakan reflects on growing up in a working-class South Asian Muslim family, the moments that shaped his understanding of difference, and the memories that stayed with him from childhood, including a vivid trip to Lahore in 1980 and his first encounter with the Hijra community at a family wedding.

The conversation moves between memoir, activism and place, from Birmingham, Wednesbury and Bilston to the wider search for belonging. Khakan shares the challenges of coming out, navigating family conflict, surviving silence and shame, and building a long-term relationship rooted in love, commitment and resilience.

We also hear about the creation of Finding a Voice, the need for South Asian and Muslim LGBTQ+ spaces, and the personal cost of public advocacy, including burnout, backlash and the pressure of being visible. A moving and thoughtful episode about survival, community, cultural identity and how speaking your truth can become a form of service.

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Timestamps

00:00 Intro

00:32 Introducing Khakan Qureshi

05:08 Four Weddings and a Ban

06:06 Pakistan, food and belonging

08:33 The Hijra at the wedding

09:56 Gender, identity and recognition

11:23 The shock of being seen

13:39 Sundari reflects on the extract

18:35 Birmingham and early difference

23:23 School and being “different”

26:17 Section 28 and silence

28:28 College and faith questions

30:38 Coming out to family

33:31 Conflict and leaving home

36:24 A 34-year relationship

39:52 Love, culture and commitment

41:47 Parents and acceptance

45:21 Founding Finding a Voice

48:43 Burnout, backlash and activism

50:41 Queer Asian spaces in the Midlands

53:12 Bilston, Wednesbury and belonging

58:08 Honesty, happiness and final reflections