Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)

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Phase Three Recap / Mallrats (1995)

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In this episode your heroes talk haircuts and America's Ass. In a weird reversal Felix does not like Chris Evans' new do, but doesn't hate Jeremy Renner's. Felix insists he would be a great child actor, and Dale learns about Professor Hulk Dale awarded Avengers Endgame a moderate 12 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices for not making everything hunky-dory.

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In this episode Felix freaks out when realizes how many Holmes and Watsons are now in the MCU, and Dale gets upset about fictional chemistry. Dale awarded this movie 85 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices for having an awesome alien that looks like a house-cat.       

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Dale accuses Felix of hating the Ant-Man movies and of being her known associate. Then the two discuss how to take a proper bath. Dale awarded this movie an amazing 75 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices or being her favorite MCU movie, even thought it has fewer ant facts than the first Ant-Man movie.

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In this episode your heroes ponder who's Thor's best friend, and insist that defeating Thanos would have been easy with the powers of a sling-ring. Characters did not seem to follow their own stated philosophies, and shirts that clearly should have burned to ashes, remained un-scorched. A minimal amount of infighting brought Dale's scoring of Infinity War up to 3 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices.

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In this episode your heroes criticize which Oscars Black Panther wins and loses, as well as the disadvantages of assigned seating in movie theaters. They try to dissect the fictional economics of Wakanda and their trade relations with the outside world. In a weird reversal, Dale says something makes perfect sense, and Felix says it doesn't make any sense, unfortunately it may have been about child abandonment. Dale awarded this movie an 8 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices despite being more disappointing the more you think about it, as it is  refreshing for having super-hero and super-inventor black people and  competent women.

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In this episode Felix has a crisis when Dale can't explain Asguardian biology, physiology, or powers to him. Dale gives Felix a rare Marry-F***-Kill with three women in it. Dale awarded this movie an 6 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices for being, "pretty solidly funny" and having Chris Hemsworth's butt in it.

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In this episode Dale stumps Felix with a Marry-F***-Kill, which Felix just turns into Marry-F***-Date. Felix forgets who his favorite Canadian is, and your heroes define the differences between bodegas, gas stations and fruit stands. Warning: Felix may spoil many movies during this episode including classic titles like Old Yeller. Dale awarded this movie an automatic 5 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices for having a cat in it.

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In this episode your heroes argue about which Chris is Felix's least favorite. Dale morns the loss of a Dairy Queen, and Felix reveals that he wants to be Lady Gaga. Dale gave this movie 3 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, because the movie squandered all its potential, but Baby Groot is so CUTE!

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In this episode, your heroes emphasize that you should be nice to the competent woman in your life, and Felix complains that Dormammu looks way cooler in the comics. Dale gave this movie 4 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, even though it's another superhero movie about a rich a-hole.

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Dale admits that your good friends might constantly pick fights with you, and still be your friends, and Felix admits that plot wise and motive wise this movie was stupid. Dale awarded this movie 1.5 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, because it's basically the same movie.

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Following a brief summary of Phase Two (they fight each other, Infinity Stones, Hulk's gone), your heroes recap a movie with lots of MCU connections, where Micheal Cera plays himself. Felix (pictured above) awarded this movie an infinite number of The Incredible Hulks, because he's trying to making things difficult.

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Dale is excited to learn that actual ants feature in a movie called Ant-Man, and Felix reveals that he would fuck The Bumblebee, but "probably just the once." BONUS CONTENT: Here's Dale wearing a fake beard, which makes her look like the MCU's Hank Pym. Dale awarded this movie a whopping 45 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, because it had so many ants in it.

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In this not-quite-phase-ending installment, Dale is vindicated when Hawkeye agrees with her central argument about these movies, and Felix somehow dislikes a scene where Thor takes his shirt off. Dale only awarded this movie 2 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, because "nobody learned anything."

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Your heroes learn that you need to thrust evenly (or you'll spin in circles). Dale finds something that "kinda makes sense," and Felix is an assassin, he doesn't dance. Dale awarded this movie 5 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices. She would have given it more, but Thor wasn't in it.

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Your heroes "do espionage in weird waters," but Dale didn't read the dossier. Felix recites an ode to Chris Evans' eyes and sweat, and there is a lot of debate about elevators and boats. NOTE: This episode was recorded before the news of longtime Marvel editor and professional cameo-er Stan Lee's death at age 95. Dale awarded this movie 10 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, mainly because Agent Hill was in it, being competent:

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Your heroes endure "Thor: The Bad One" to savor the final MCU appearance of Kat Dennings. Dale allows for a candy break, and Felix can't believe how much money this movie made. NOTE: This episode was recorded before the news of longtime Marvel editor and professional cameo-er Stan Lee's death at age 95. Dale awarded this movie 2 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices, because while it was about as bad as BvS, it had Kat Dennings in it:

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Your heroes review the MCU's short-lived series of short films, where robbing a gas station will get you parkour'd by Coulson, but robbing a bank can get you a job. No Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices were awarded to these films because they were too short, but Dale did like that fact about them, so let's give them one Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice per short:

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Phase Two begins as Felix likes the kid but hates everyone's hair, and Dale examines the difference between asshole Tony and womanizer Tony. Dale awarded this movie 2 Batman v. Superman: Dawns of Justices:

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